The Diesel is back you hatin bastards

BABYLON A.D. (2008)


Vin is back, screw you all if you hate. Yes he has made some horrible decisions, yes, he is, or might be gay, whatever. He kicks ass good, real good, when given the opportunity, and he is on full display here.
Future is bad, real bad. All post apocalyptic. Vin is a bad man, who is very good at being better than the next bad guy, he gets hired by chubby mobster (oh future, good to know you still have fat Russian mob guys) to transport super hot girl. Along the way Vin takes on every thing from sub operators to crazy rail jumping kids, all after over this hot girl. Plot gets complicated when she begins to show some seriously uneven behavior, and it becomes apparent there are some much more sinister forces at work.
The action is fun, the sets are a great throwback to escape from new york, or even at times blade runner (I only mention it after the words slight, relax). The plot gets really, and I do mean, really @#!$ up by the end. One of the few movies I've walked out of feeling I needed to read the book (Babylon Babies for anyone who remembers how to read... well other than my wicked sic reviews anyway). I caught the ending, but the other 8 peeps i was with were lost... One clue for you, the church bitch is a computer... Take it form there.
The action scenes are a lot of fun, and Vin holds it down macho style, with some great lines. The chick is hot, and well acted actually, kinda surprising, I think she's a model in the real world. Michelle Yeoh always adds some respect to an ensemble cast, she is dine-no-mite. This film did not do well at the box office, who can blame you public folks, Riddick was lack luster, and the pacifier, really? But I assure you, the V-D (lol, yeah I went there) is back in your system you non believers. Kicking ass, well, usually forgetting to take names, but hey, its all good.

There was a lot of hate from some cast members, and even the director claiming the movie company messed around with the editing, and the script... blah, blah, blah... Shut up. the flick was fun. Was it a deep, heart warming, mind bending tale, no, it was an action flick, stop you whining.

movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Action scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Strange how unsweet this pile of ka-ka was

THE STRANGERS (2008)


Oh trailers, how you can wrap crap turds in gold foil, and make us believe the rush is happening again. Its true, a little preview polish can go a long way. We've all been fooled, and oh boy was I. My friend and I were pumped to see this trailer, it looked real, and dark, and fun, and well, all kinds of good shizzie. Believe nothing. It's none of them.
And the plot is thus...
Young couple has a big issue, leave party, go back to summer home, where they are terrorized by three "Strangers". That's it, simple, and complete. Think it sounds cool, yeah, it does, but it ain't. Movie starts with some really good acting (actually all the way through) and some genuine creepy ness. So, my anticipation of sweetness was rising, i was getting excited, damn my childish hopes. About twenty minutes in, well, things just get really really stupid. Characters you thought were intelligent, start doing the dumbest things, for instance. There is a slow moving truck slamming into your sedan. It is being driven by a small crazy woman in a mask, you are a big guy, trying to protect your girlfriend. DO you a) run to her driver's side door, knock her the hell out, take her car and escape, or B) run like a bitch back into the house to meet certain doom? Well kiddies? Yeah you know what happen, house and retarded doom. At one point I was actually like, screw them, these folks deserve to die. What point you ask, I'm glad you did, the point when hero has evil person in his sights, with a pump action shot gun, from ten feet away, and proceeds to get distracted by her shinning a flashlight at him. Like oh gosh, the light, the light, I better roll back in fear and confusion and get my ass kicked buy the stranger behind me. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... stupid stupid stupid... and for all its claims of inspired by a true whatever, it sure as hell is one predictable piece of by the numbers crap.
Rent it if you have nothing else, NOTHING ELSE to do. Or maybe for Liv Tyler, maybe... ah, wait, no, its still not enough.

Could have been awesome, so awesome, just ruined by some simpleton using every stupid fall own running trick you've ever seen.

movie scale: 1.5 out of 5 stars
horror scale: 1 out of 5 stars

How bitches wanna get high? Then at least get naked...

SHROOMS (2007)

Seeing as how horror flicks of a decent caliber have been quite hard to come by lately, I do get excited when I see a preview for what looks to be a good time, and I was pumped for Shrooms. Ha, don't think I've heard myself think that since grade 10, but that is a sad tale of hallucinations and socks left for another eve...

College kids, evenly matched, guys to girls (before you get excited, as a horror fan I must say, no boob :( ), arrive in Ireland during Mushroom season (book your tix now kiddies), and set up camp way out in the woods to get mad high, and fornicate. Can you guess what happens? Okay, let's count together and then just say it, and see. 1...2...3... They all get really high and then start disappearing, and get more high, and get brutally killed, all the while trying to figure out if it's real, or just shroom by products. Jinx.

There are some real funny moments in here, script is a lot of fun, plot is just so simple and brainless good times. Even through in some backwoods inbreds, that hey, news flash, aren't cannibals, just decent dumb folks. Now there's something about a evil priest, and dead kids, not really important. It's just drugs and blood, oh, and did i mention a talking cow... Yes, and you thought all they did was moo, and get their giant nipples jacked.... nope. 

Acting is about par, but the story moves so fast you probably won't notice. And trust if you have ever "experimented" with the drugs, well you might even find yourself with mad feelings of sympathy. There is a lot to enjoy as a horror fan, except, no real jumps, at least for us true fans. But your girl (and I do not mean to say there are not real female horror fans, I only make a point assuming you are dating a prep, girlish type who dragged your ass to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) will jump a couple of times. You'll probably just smile and laugh a lot. And what more can you ask for. Hey, even the ending doesn't suck... Sorry I'm just always excited about things holding together in the last few minutes... well you know my ending hatred, if you've read some of my other reviews.

movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

horror scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

-Lata you shroom munchin demons.

Big red, and back with a ton, a freaking ton of computer effects

HELLBOY II : THE GOLDEN ARMY (2008)

Lost in the wake of all that was "The Dark Knight", was a rather under hyped sequel, big red back, and bad, Hellboy 2. So, I'm sad to say, I was expecting more from this one. The first venture was a surprising fun little romp, and with all the mad glory Del Toro has been getting, guess I let my self be ready for awesomeness, and I was... Kinda, satisfied.

So plot for this here sequel,

Big bad guy Prince, from this dark society that co-exists with us, full of mist and magic, decides we are bad for his schwayness, so he kills his Dad, and sets out to reawaken this ancient army of computer animated round robots that are unstoppable (expect that Hellboy and his friends spank them for a bit) and crush all of human folk. As far as what these all mighty warriors look like, think evil "Tick Tock" from The return to Oz (ain't watched it? Boony says do:).

While that's going on, Hellboy and his Flame wielding home girl are having relationship troubles, and the fish guy finds himself drawn to bad Prince's do-gooder sister. Now there are real fun moments in this flick, the scene with Abe, and Hellboy getting drunk is particularly enjoyable. Lots of big showdowns, and giant baddies to get blown up, but.... But, that is part of the problem. This is Del Toro's first really big budget for a flick (85 million I do believe), and well, its too much. There is almost little to no time to enjoy the story, because every scene is overcaked with so much eye candy, my optical sensors were dancing through everything. I mean one cool effect, to one cool looking fight, (insert humor comment), cool effect, emotional moment, cool looking fight, eye bling, eye bling, and done.

That's how it felt. Pan's Labyrinth was awesome, but a large part of it's charm was the make up, the great real deal effects, there's little of that here, and what is here is just crushed by the CGI. This is a fun flick, and there are a few moments where the fun of the original is captured, but a i left unimpressed, satisfied, but not rocked, you know? 

movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

super hero scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

And hey, you looking for a Hellboy fix, check out the two animated flicks (Sword of Storms, and Blood and Iron) A lot of fun, and the same people involved, voices and Del Toro. Kinda found myself wishing one of them had made it to the big screen.

-Chuck B.

The Dark Knight

Okay so, first.  I'm back bitches... whahahahahahaha (if you imagine that as an evil and intimidating laugh in your head, that would be appreciated). Summer was nuts, and, well, slightly fuzzy, in a good warm, I made many new friends way... But I am here, and ready to bring you the legit once again, no sugar coating, accept for the cute friends... "It's not you... It's boony".

The whole planet has seen this movie, reviews for it are everywhere, and so I shall officially make this the shortest review you are likely to see...

Brilliant, breath-taking, explosive, hypnotic, epic, poetic, deep, beautiful, heartbreaking...

See this movie. And watch it once every few months like I expect I will find myself doing for the next few years... 

movie scale 4.75 out of five stars

super hero scale 5 out of 5 stars

Before you castrate my lovely self for the 4.75, I have two points, and I will defend them to the death.... 1) The bat bike, cycle, whatever, sucked. Sorry, I grew up on Batman, the bat bike is not two wheels and guns... that just doesn't work for me. Cool, yes. Batman's two wheeled vehicle of bad guy nabbing ness... No. 2) Heath Ledger, the Joker, is so amazing, that your eyes never leave the screen, I mean for two hours you barely breath, and then, then they still have to throw the two face thing at you. Very sweet, God know I love Aaron, but, was it needed not. After the Joker, my hands were up, I was good, take me home, tuck me in. The scene with the Joker and Two Face in the hospital, that should have been the end of Two Face, bring his ass back for the next... Anyway.... Lata you crazy leather wearing punks...

Good to be back

-Charles B. Boonsweet

Chop the furry, fuzzy creatures...

KUNG FU PANDA (2008)

Kung fu is awesome, pandas are awesome, Jack Black is occasionally awesome... Well what could go wrong... Nothing! :)

I grew up on the classic Kung Fu. I'm talking, one armed, badly dubbed, sword swinging, master of the flying saw thingy, 20 minute showdown rocking, classics. And the spirit of those in no small portion is alive and well in the 2000 and 8 animated release, who would have guessed. I had this film being built up in my mind since the first teaser trailer, so I was worried that their was no way it could live up, and yet, it sure freaking did.

So big fat Panda dreams of being a ninja master, alongside the legendary Furious Five. Insert big screw up, and an old kung fu turtle picks him as the dragon warrior. At the same time big bad ass tiger guy breaks out from prison (in an insanely awesome sequence of axes and pretty shiny things). So despite the negative energy he receives from the "Five" and their master, he must train to become awesome so that he may defeat the impending evil. Only problem, he sucks at Kung Fu... well until the teacher discovers a secret training to get to him... 

Okay so not the most original story, I know. We've all seen the loser to kung fu hero story a few hundred times... well assuming you watched classic kung fu, if not, you've seen it like 14 times. At no time, did I feel like any part of this story was treading familiar water. That is due to the genius structure of every aspect of this flick. The voice acting is great (Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, etc, etc), the writing is never tacky, all the jokes are part of the plot (no random things thrown in, like say in "Shrek"), the fights, my god the fights are just fantastic. All kinds of little references thrown in for the old skool buffs like me, and I loved it. Definitely my favorite flick of the year so far, I know, I know, crazy, but its so damn enjoyable. Did I mention there's a giant panda and he kicks things... and oh sweet Mary... Skee-douche... so sweet

Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars

Animated scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

Get furry and grab some bamboo bitches, 

Boony is out this hoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Johnny Five lives ... he livessssssssss!!!!!!!

WALL-E (2008)

Let's face it, Pixar rocks, single handedly holding Disney's "direct to dvd classic sequel destroying" head above water. Really, have they gone wrong? I remember when I first saw the trailer for Cars, I'm sitting there going, "Okay, talking cars, really, I mean knight rider is over bitches"... and yet, damned if it didn't make me smile. 

So the next entry, and apparently one of the old ideas that has been bouncing around Pixar since the time before time, a sweet little tale of a lovable robot, WALL-E. So, earth has been abandoned due to pollution, and one giant fast food remains mess. When we humans left, WALL-E units were to remain and clean the planet up. Now only one is left, having developed the ability to maintain himself, befriend cock roaches, and an all around adorable cuteness. All is going well, he cleans, collects knick knacks (look out for one warm fuzzy chuckle involving a "spork", no joke), and basks in old Hollywood classics. Then a giant spaceship, sent for the human colony arrives, and a cute female robot pops out in search of, well, humanities lost hope.

From there WALL-E forms a friendship with her, but then when she finds what she is looking for, her ship returns, and WALL-E not wanting to leave her, goes along for the ride, and his destiny to save the human race... Well something like that.

The heart in this movie is unbelievable, really, there were a few moments a was a little choked up. WALL-E is just so damn, well, awesomelike (considering he was based on binoculars, pretty impressive, though for the record, he does look like the love child of E.T. and short circuit's Johnny 5, so I dunno...). The story is not light at all. The boys behind Pixar, take a whole lot of joy in sliding some very heavy messages in this film about our future, our excesses, and our growing dependence on corporations (we are giant fat blobs in floaty cars that do nothing but eat and, well, float). I heard some concerns about the fact that there is little to no talking in the first 20-30 minutes of this flick, no worries, it held my attention, and I can't imagine any kid not getting it. More than enough pretty lights, and basic humor moments. So bring the whole family. The direction is great, story is one of Pixar's best (My personal fav is still "The Incredibles", or "Finding Nemo"). The computer animation is just stunning at moments... They're talking best picture nomination, why not... It rocks... I say do it.

This is the family ticket folks, prepare to be mutha freakin enchanted...

Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars

Animation scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

This Boy loves Mandy Lane

ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE (2008)

Brace yourselves folks, are you sitting, strapped, popcorn, and pop porn in hand... Finally I give you a kick ass Horror flick. And not just any, no computer ghosts here, no twisting plot that you need 47 flashbacks at the end to understand. A good old fashion, American made, slashfest. How many times have we, the slasher fans, had to endure a film with some critics review slapped across the cover "Move over Freddy, and Jason"... or "Finally, the next great American slasher". Only here's the thing, Freddy, Jason, Michael, they're all still here because ain't no one showed up to steal their shoes let alone replace them. However, this I promise, will be a horror flick that makes the rounds, and is still on any respectable horror fans shelf in 30 years.

This flick rocks. Mandy Lane is the most beautiful, and wanted girl in her school. For the duration of high school every boy has tried, unsuccessfully to hook up with Mandy Lane. Some to extremes ending with loss of life. Finally, the last big party of the summer, to be held a rich kids ranch, she agrees to some out, and hang with some of the most popular kids. All the guys of course taking bets, and measuring cocks to see who will be the one to finally get her. So, they show at the ranch. And proceed to get all kinds of intoxicated. A big tough ranch hand keeps them out of trouble (shooting snakes before they can bite the guests, hanging out in the cabin by the house, that sort a shizzie). Then someone shows up, and the popular kids start dying, oh do they die, as the killer makes his way to Mandy Lane.

Yeah you're right not the most original plot, but it is somehow. It feels different then every other straight to DVD slasher. The acting here is better than the norm, the ladies, especially Mandy Lane, are smoking, the kills are fun as hell. And the writing is fantastic. Not once in this flick did I feel like the characters were forced, or unnatural, the conversations really felt like the crap I trade over drinks with my friends. Also, I owe this film so very much for introducing Boony to the term, "Smarty-cunt"... So sweet. 

I loved every minute of this flick. It had me from the opening credits. The direction is great, never feels like a low budget flick, they work every dollar. Soundtrack is on. The humor is on. What can I say, as a horror/slasher fan, I am giddy as hell. Even a few twists and such in there that will stretch that "horror loving one to many remakes" frown upside down.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Horror/slasher scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

There is hope slasher fans, of course we all still have to deal with the "Friday the 13th" remake on the way... but yeah "Halloween" turned out pretty good....

Slash you later bitches

-Boonsweet 

Mad Maxine

DOOMSDAY (2008)

Do you love violence? Mindless chaos? Over the top futuristic lands of cannibals? If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, then I give you Doomsday. Okay, so here's your plot; Plague breaks out, in order to protect the population of England, the government sends the all the sick peeps to Scotland, then builds a big ass wall around the country to keep the sickies in. 30 years later somehow there are survivors in Scotland, how no one knows, but seeing as how the deadly virus has suddenly returned in the over populated, England, someone's gonna have to roll in and find that cure, if there is one.

So we send in Rhonda Mitra, as the bad ass, mechanical eyeball poppin', just graduated from the Ripley school of rockin' heroines, military chick. She is every bit believable as the main character, attractive, but with just enough toughness to allow her to smile at the camera one minute, and rip a head off the next. Once she gets in she finds that of course, in 30 years, civilization within the wall has become full of Cannibals, motorcycles, leather, and spiked sticks. I personally would like to believe it would take a little longer than 30 years, but whatever, I ain't survived a post-apocalypse yet, so me no judgey. It takes her team about 7.2 minutes to get dismantled, then she's on her own... from there we have, violence in just about every form. Dismemberment, decapitation, a Knight showdown (kid you not), vehicular manslaughter, and the list goes on... and on.

Neil Marshall (otherwise known as the nobody that directed the slightly overrated "The Descent" and is now a somebody) has a real flare for the chaos, and puts more than a few "Smile it's so bloody" moments in there, that will appeal to any and all action fans. They really don't try to hide the intent here, remake "The Road Warrior" with a female lead, plot doesn't really matter, and kill a bunch of stuff". That's it. You don't like the sounds of that, I promise you won't like the movie. The writing, what little of it there is, is hardly anything but a mild excuse for the bloodshed... Although Malcolm McDowell is in the house, so points. And there are more than a few moments when you might ask something like "Okay how did the bentley drive through an exploding bus undamaged?". People if you have read this review, and got all smiley, went out and rented it, then you should be shot for asking such questions...

No place in film, or action film history here, but a lot of fun... Great flick to drink a few of the beers to and... actually sure with a little effort you could come up with a drinking game... Every time a barbaric person puts a hand up in the air and screams, 2 shots tequila, every time someone loses a body part, 2 shots whiskey, every time female lead gives camera a bad ass wet hair look, 3 shots vodka... and so on. Now ol' Boonsweet here, hardly endorses that sort of thing... But you know... if you legal, and with proper supervision... You will get wrecked.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Action scale 3 out of 5 stars

Brain dead bloody fun...

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Whip it... Whip it good

INDIANA JONES and the KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (2008)

Two decades of "will they, won't they", finally comes to close with the dream team (Harrison Ford, Spielberg, And George "anything to avoid more star wars conventions" Lukas) returning for the fourth installment in the Jones story. 

So this time around an aging Dr. Indiana Jones gets caught up with Russians, circa 1957, who are on the hunt for an ancient relic. He of course gets away in a flurry of explosions, and whip cracking, and after meeting a boy (Shia "I'm with Steven" Labeouf) with a map, and a mother in trouble sets out to find the "Crystal Skull", with evil commies on his tail. Old friends are reunited (Karen Allen from Raiders of the Lost Ark shows up... ) Anyway, this flick is hellafun (no idea is that's still the hip phrase, if it ain't, screw it, boony says it is bitches). Don't expect the grand story of "Raiders" or "The Last Crusade", but it is a really good time. Stunts everywhere you look, sword fights atop jeeps, Tarzan monkeys, big alien things... Oh, damn I said it. Aliens. In an Indy movie. It is a lot to swallow, and I know a lot of folks have been having issues with it, but really the story is the typical, Indy and friends follow clues, and dodge booby (hee hee .... booby... ) traps, just so happens, well there's aliens.. ha, didn't ruin it for me. Though seriously you will be shaking your head at the end, going "Seriously, did I need to see this... no", but then they throw in a little feel good last few minutes, so all is well.

Harrison still held it down, no doubts, he is the man. I liked that they didn't try to hide his age, rather embrace it, make it part of the story. And with a few touches on the originals, and his father, kept the story lines intact rather well... unlike the damn episode 1, 2, and 3... but I digress... No need one more... Damn U Lucassssssss! And I'm good. I like Star Wars too, just saying. Shia is a nice addition to the cast, and holds his own quite well, and Steven can make you smile watching an action scene let me tell you. 

Great summer fun, for the whole family. 

Overall, I'd say on par with "Raiders of the Lost Ark", better than "Temple of Doom", and no match for "The Last Crusade". If only someone had told Steven he didn't have to fit Close Encounters into the damn thing ... ha... ah well 

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

action/blockbuster scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars

I got my whip, my leather, and 10 dollars... Boony is getting dangerous tonight... hells yes

I bring you, finally, the death of Superman

SUPERMAN/DOOMSDAY (2007, animated)

Okay, Bryan Singer is obviously a damn good director. The Usual Suspects, and the comic powerhouses that were the first two X-men flicks, but, and it pains me to say this, seriously, he took the most powerful, most well known hero, and made a nice, artsy, sweet, boring, piece of critic praise... otherwise known as, "Superman Returns". How you make a Superman movie without a showdown, without a punch thrown, robot hurled through a building, insert own other want here, is so beyond me. Well Superman fans, though they have promises much more boom for your buck in the upcoming "Superman: Man of steel (2009)", till then I give you an awesomely entertaining piece of Superman flick that is "Superman/doomsday".

Okay so lot of things already going for this flick, before you even watch the dang thing. 1, the same folks behind the cartoons, Batman, Superman, Justice League, and Justice League Unlimited, are backing this one, and 2, it involves Doomsday. For those that don't know, well, damn it bitches, do some research. Doomsday killed Superman in the comics, biggest selling comic of all time I might add, nothing even comes close. So when I heard these guys were getting together and doing their interpretation of the tale, I got girl scout cookie delivery giddy. And, after watching, this, THIS is the flick "Superman Returns" wishes it was.

The action in this tale is fantastic. We're barely 5 minutes in, bang, Superman and Doomy Doom are going at it hardcore, and for quite a while. The fight direction is fantastic. Slow motions, exploding buildings, blow for blow, one of the funnest fights to watch, ever, in animated form. I'll put this up there with any of the animes you wanna throw at me. Now, yes it does deviate from the original story, but how could they not really, with the average viewer having no idea who some of the players and story lines from the original comic were. So he gets his fight on, and then the fun really begins with a Superman returning form the grave, but different somehow... oh Lex Luthor do you have something to do with it... hmmmmm

Anyone ever seen "An evening with Kevin Smith"? If you have their is a lovely reference in this to a certain mechanical spider... too sweet, loved it. So you in the mood for popcorn and some epic ass whompin', Superman style?... If you walked out of Superman Returns going, "How'd they make a kid", and, "Did Kumar just kick Superman's ass?" Then this should be as sweet therapy for you, as it was me. Great take on the legendary tale, great voice work, animation is top notch, and the writing is a lot darker, and mature, than Saturday mornings let me tell you (solid PG 13 rating).

Enjoy, I am sure I will be watching this movie many more times, just to enjoy sharing it with my comic loving herds :)

Movie scale : 3.5 stars out of 5 

Comic movie scale: 4.5 out of 5 stars

I'm wearing my undies outside my pants right now... and it feels gooooooooood... ha

Boony outta this beyotch

With my third eye of future vision... I see another average remake

THE EYE (2008)

Yet another Asian horror remake. As a huge slasher fan, and the golden age of American horror, it never ceases to piss me off watching film companies sacrifice creativity, for ripping off anything that comes out of Asia, and gains attention. The Ring, The Messengers, The Grudge, One Missed Call, Shutter, The Ring 2, The Grudge 2... and the list goes on. Hell even "The Departed", and "Collateral" are freaking remakes. It really is disgusting, for a few reasons, it shows the true trouble the film industry of America is in, and it isn't piracy, it's lack of new ideas, and 2, the Asians do it better, way better in most cases. But until someone tells these American producers that simply taking a good idea and throwing a budget at it, don't make it better, I imagine we'll keep seeing them.

So the original "The Eye" wasn't really a horror film, so much as a good thriller, with a couple of jump moments, and the remake stays true that path. So if you're looking for blood and guts and scares, this ain't what you gonna get. Jessica "I wear no sexy outfits in this film" Alba plays a blind woman who regains her sight thanks to an eye transplant. One problem, the eyes seem to come with the ability to see ghosts, and creepy shadow demon things. Of course no one believes her, and since she's just getting used to the world, she's not even sure. However, as they get worse, she decides to find out who her donor was, convinced this "gift" was based down through the transplant.

Okay, Jessica Alba is not a horrible actress, problem is she's not great either. Here is a perfect example of some one wanting to be seen for more than their looks, and well, sorry to say, just doesn't have the acting chops to back it up. Jessica can be really good in the right role, "Fantastic Four", "Into the blue", "Sin City", ... and many other fun flicks, but in this film, with all eyes on her, and more than a few really emotional, trying scenes, well she pulls some off, but not all. There was one scene with her coughing, well, it was bad. That being said, the one major problem with these Asian remakes, is that more often than not, the American version doesn't quite get the characters right. Trying to speed up the plot, and action, in the belief that the North American audience, won't sit and let the story build. In doing that though, the heart is lost. And some of the writing in this version is just rough. One scene that stands out as really bad; Jessica is trying to talk the doctor into helping her find out who donated her eyes, to which he says of course he can't he'd lose his license... So Jessica gives him a cold look and says "Oh well, you worry about your - license". I mean, of course he will, it's only his life, and job, shit. 

The scares are few and far between, and really if you've seen the original, they are direct rip offs, and not as freaky round 2. It's an interesting story with a few cool moments, but not as good as the original, and I mean really, as far as Asian thrillers go, the original wasn't at the top of my list to begin with. Jessica Alba, perhaps one day will be at the level to carry a movie like this on her own, but not yet. 

Not scary, average to bad acting, average to bad writing, and some rough directing. No real reason to see this, other than that one coughing scene... ha. Anyway, I guess with "One missed Call", and this one being the last two mainstream remakes, I'm pretty scared for the next one, which I believe will be shutter.

movie scale 2 out of 5 stars

Keep your eyes off this one folks.... Ha, 'eyes', I'm soooooo clever....

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Faster than a tank missile, able to leap tall building in a single jet powered launch...

IRON MAN (2008)

Finally, I mean sweet (insert a range of profanities to make my point more then made) finally, a super hero movie that completely, A) Lives up to the hype, B) Has action, a lot of awesome action, and C) Can be fun for the whole family without annoying you with shitty one liners, and stupid plot changes. That's right folks, here it is, 2008's first big ass blockbuster, get off your ass and go see this thang.

Tony Stark(Robert Downey Jr.) is a billionaire weapons designer/seller/playboy. He's a genius, who really doesn't care too much for anything but fun, and being Tony Stark. On a trip to Afghanistan to promote his latest weapon to interested buyers, his envoy is attacked, and he is taken hostage. Badly injured, Tony is saved by a fellow prisoner, who manages to install a electromagnet into his chest, allowing his heart to keep beating, powered by a large battery. When Tony wakes he is told he has to design a new weapon for the terrorists that have captured him. They have a large amount of weapons his company has made for parts. He decides instead to build, first, a better battery for himself, and then a suit of armor that will be powered by it. Then when finished he blows his way out, and is rescued. Back in the U.S. of A, he decides he don't want to be responsible for any more lives lost due to his weapons, and much to his companies dismay, vows no more weapon dealing.

Then he locks himself in his basement and perfects the armor suit design, in hopes of helping others harmed by his company's weapons deals, eventually creating the suit he'll be known for, the red and gold.

Robert Downey Jr., is a brilliant actor. No one can deny that, in fact I would put him in my top 5 all time, but the drugs, and a few bad choices have led to him being all but forgotten by the mainstream, well welcome back Rob, I have a feeling you'll be here for a while. The supporting acting is awesome around him too, front top to bottom. Gwyneth "Yes I named my first kid Apple" Paltrow, as his assistant, and perhaps the only woman he hasn't been with, is great. Terrance Howard as his best friend (and destine to be in a suit of armor himself come sequel time, they even play to that. War Machine, yeah that's right bitches I occasionally read a comic), I mean, you know he's good. Jeff Bridges as the money driven businessman is great. Just all around. The writing is great, all the way through. The humor is really funny, and doesn't seem forced, his R2D2 family friend, robot pal, is a blast. The action scenes are fantastic, and the show down, though a little short, does not disappoint (unlike "superman returns", oh what's that he lifted a giant rock out of the ocean? Wow that's a great show down, glad I spent my money on that 250 million flick). 

In short, all you could ask for to kick the summer off. Also, Marvel's first film solo from any other film studios, looking good for marvel. Stay till after the credits, there is a lovely must see scene, Marvel firing the first shot at DC. Obviously bringing their universes together, and sparking a future multi super hero flick (especially with Tony Stark's rumored appearance in the new "Hulk" film). DC's been talking about doing a BATMAN/SUPERMAN, or JUSTICE LEAGUE film for ever, but it looks like Marvel will be the first to bring different franchises together in one universe, and one film. I am tingly already. Seriously, my left nipple is vibrating right now.

movie scale 4 out of 5 stars

Super Hero scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

You know they'll be more Iron Man coming, and I can't wait.

Boonsweet out bitches 

Wherever they go, I will follow

HAROLD AND KUMAR: ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY (2008)

If you didn't like the first film, "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle", you more than likely will not like this sequel, that simple. I remember going to see the first one on a whim with a few friends, didn't expect too much, a few laughs. Lo and behold, I laughed throughout, and after a disappointing theatre gross (5.5 million), it made a whole bunch of folks laugh on video. Building quite the little following, anxious for more, and finally more came.

It does not disappoint bitches, damn was this flick fun. The plot is messed up, picking up exactly where the first left off, Harold and Kumar, on their way to Amsterdam (to follow Harold's love interest, and get much legally high). Problem occurs when Kumar decides to smoke weed on the flight, with his new invention, the smokeless bong. Of course being of Indian descent, when he is discovered with the bong, he is quickly thought to be a terrorist, and he and Harold are taken down, and brought to a holding facility. Where they meet the completely racist, and retarded temp head of the agency, who sends them to the worst U.S. holding prison, Guantanamo Bay. They escape, and from there embark on an adventure that involves, a bottomless party (yes, exactly what you are thinking), the KKK, the ghetto, rednecks, NPH #2 (meaning Neil Patrick Harris's second adventure), and the "creme de la creme" George W. Bush.

Now the wonderful thing about having a film with minority leads, complete and utter no holds barred racial humor. There are way too many funny moments that really draw on the stereotypes we have on many races, and on America itself. Though they are over the top in many cases, I thought the writers managed to get a few points across. None more awesome than the scene of them getting high with the "W" himself (Played by a professional George W. Bush look-a-like, and damn does he look and act like him). That scene alone is worth the price of admission, watching the "W" get high and tell his Dad to "F" off over the phone while they all giggle and get more high is just priceless.  And NPH is back, and not missing a step this time around... 

There are a few jokes that will be missed by peeps maybe not as familiar with politics, or some of the more un-obvious racial stereotypes, but even those are fun. The heart of the story is a fun little love tale of Kumar (who it turns out was not always a stoner, in a swell little flashback scene) trying to win back his first love. Nothing too original there, but it is fun, and she is hot. Also, the marijuana bag he married in the first film is back... and it gets dirty folks, boy howdy, so wrong... ha. Complete stoner, minority, chaos, I loved it, laughed all through. Is it better than the first one? I don't know... I'd say at the least it's as good, but that "W" scene might just sway me to say it's better... 

movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

comedy scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

- Boonsweet sayin stay high bitches, and watch for those shiny horn unicorns (Luv it NPH)

Oh sweet bloody brain munching awesomeness

DIARY OF THE DEAD (2008)

Zombie fans, unite, partake of the alcohol, partake of the party, the (arguably) Godfather of the genre is back, and I tell you now, it does not suck.

Okay so what happen to Mister "Night of the Living Dead" last time out? Well he made a little film called "Land Of the Dead", starring, as I am sure you could have guessed by the wonderfully straight forward title, zombies. Difference between this and his (insert choir) "Living Dead Trilogy" [Night, Dawn, Day] was that someone gave him a budget. Okay, Romero with a budget? I was worried but the film was actually pretty decent until, oh my god, until the last thirty seconds, when, after surviving waves of the undead, the lone heroes of the film, armed with a super tank thing, come across a large group of Zombies. There, faced with the chance to re-dead the undead horde, for whatever reason, they decide that the dead, well "They're just looking for a place of their own"... and they freaking let them go. My brain broke, my heart exploded with betrayal... on so on. How could Romero do something like that? His statement has always been an examination of us as a civilization, our brutality, hate. Never has there been a doubt that dead things, are well, dead. And hence, deserve to be underground, not given a reservation... so finally Romero returns, back to his roots, no money, crank up the make up gore... and do this.

Film follows a group of film students, who, on the eve of the Zombie outbreak (how? No explanation needed, zombies are here, and go...), head out in a large motor home. First destination, collect one's girlfriend, and then help for an injured ally. Things go gradually down hill, and much more gory once they get to the hospital, where they all begin to accept what's happening. From there they embark towards the home a girl's parents, that they be travelling with. As imagined they meet all kinds of people and situations along the way. Military become thieves, gang bangers and others uniting, and taking over a town. A kick ass Amish mute deaf guy, who might just be the best small role in a horror flick I have seen in quite sometime. Eventually, they find themselves at a friends, trying to decide the next, if not final move, as zombie hordes close in.

The gore in this film is fantastic, I mean your usual zombie stuff, head shots, neck blood chunkness. But Romero really cranked it up here, finding all kinds of inventive ways to off folks... I think the heart charger paddle things to the head, and exploding (I'll let you guess) was just swell. And the Amish guy, well, he has that grim reaper blade on a stick thing, that a can't seemed to remember how to spell, but you can imagine the fun there.

Film is directed brilliantly. It is shot first person through a handheld camera, but they tell you at the beginning they've edited, and added sound effects to make the film more realized, and effective. So basically you get cheap hand held technique, but still get the soundtrack, and cool TV clips of the zombie apocalypse, worked in. Brilliant. Romero has you on the edge of your seat more than once, playing around, jumping from handheld camera, to recovered security camera footage. Just fun to watch what a great director can do in his zone, and with more than a little freedom. The writing is bang on for the most part, as per the usual, George "A+" Romero, he gets a lot out of a fairly unknown cast.

If you like zombie flicks, I pretty sure this will find a way on to your shelf. Blood, scares, typical social commentary, and a really enjoyable pace, and plot. 

Dig it bitches, dig it.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Horror/Zombie scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

One of the greats, reminds us why he is that damn good.

Boony is happy, covered in zombie remains, and hungry, lata bitches

Not freaking funny

FUNNY GAMES U.S. (2008)

Do not watch this piece of crap movie...

You know for a while, and if I had written this review yesterday, that would have been my entire review. No rating, nothing, just that. Then after thinking on it a bit I figured what the hell, I might as well tell you a wee bit as to why I feel this way. Now, as most of the Booniacs out there know, I try to avoid spoilers as much as possible, in this case I do not care. I have not been this pissed at a flick in a long time.

Let's start with the good. The acting is brilliant. I mean five star brilliant, across the board. Tim Roth, and Naomi Watts, are great, and the supporting cast is fantastic. The directing which at first looks to be as awesome, will eventually just piss you off. I get that this director has a real hard on for focusing on the reactions to something, rather than the audience being able to see for them selves... but you know, I'm sitting here, I have eyes, I wanna see the damn thing, and have my own reactions. As well, he seems to enjoy just leaving the camera perched looking at, say, a house. For a whole minute before we see the characters come into frame.

Okay here we go... Rich, likable, family goes to their cottage. Where creepy Michael Jackson fans (I say this only because of the white gloves) take them hostage, and play some very serious, life and death games. So as mentioned, usually when something violent happens, the camera is focused on someones reaction... Husband getting stabbed, we see wife cry, hear him scream, that short of shizzie. At first cool, then just annoying. And every so often the main bad guy will say something to the camera. At first cool, but in conjunction with the ending, stupid, stupid, stupid. So these bad guys are not funny, not cool, hip, or anything. They're just evil, and annoying as hell, you hate them. Then they blow the head of an eight year old boy with a double barrel shot gun and you hate them more. Movie is full of tense, nail biting moments... and I must say, had my undivided attention until... well until this happen...

Mom gets hold of their gun about 3 quarters of the way in to the film, after her son is killed, and blasts one of the two with their own gun. My friend and I both jumped off the couch, arms raised. Because at that point you want them to die so bad. Then the other Bad guy left, takes the gun away from her, and starts screaming "Where's the remote?" He finds the television remote and ... I can feel the stupidity rage raising in me... rewinds the movie. That's right, right in the middle of a wickedly realistic film. Intense, involved, son of a bitch pulls an Adam Sandler 'click' moment and rewinds the film to before his friend was shot, then takes the gun out of reach of the wife, telling her she's not allowed to do that. Then he shots her husband, and they take her out into the lake and kill her.

When he rewound the film, my buddy stood up, told me to shut the piece of s--- off. I watched it to the end. Apparently these guys are god, because not only did that bastard rewind reality, but then they notice the wife trying to cut her ropes on the boat and throw her over board. While on the boat they have a stupid discussion of reality vs. film and the lines between, obviously some zen moment to explain the retardedness I had just witnessed... I really didn't care by that point. Boonsweet's middle finger was raised. 

Now I get the director/writer's theme here. You are not in control, you will watch what you are allowed to watch. But they have control. They can do what ever they want and all you can do is watch, deciding for yourself whether they are reality... or something like that. Who cares. Perhaps some of the best screen performances I have seen in years, wasted on a directors love with his own "genius". I can just see this guy saying things like, "The idea of this film is to take the power from the audience. To have them feel as weak and unable as the family".... blah blah... I hate you. I hate your film. And I am sure this is the most unprofessional I have ever been, but god I hate self indulgent crap like this.

Movie scale 2 out of 5 stars (purely for the performances)

C.B.B. is moving on to something better, maybe with ninjas.... lata  

Depp the neck slicin' music man...hmmm

SWEENEY TODD (2008)

Burton is god. Well okay not 'the' god (Buddha, Allah, Christ, whatevs your poison may be), but he definitely has a cloud on Olympus reserved. I mean, Batman, Beetlejuice, Nightmare before Christmas, Sleepy Hollow, etc, etc. The list is extensive (despite the occasional falling, 'Planet of the Apes' for example) and almost entirely rocking. The guy is a strange looking, Helen Bonham Carter sex having, whacked out movie making fool. And his following is extensive, as is the fanbase for his, often, partner in crime, the legend himself Johnny "Don't call me Cry baby" Depp.

Arguably Depp is one of the greatest actors of our generation, or any for that matter. His talents are in full display here. So first, do you like musicals? If not, this film will either win you over, or you will forever be unconvinced of the musicals place in modern film. I mean there is a chance the strange factor, buckets of blood, and Depp, might be just be enough to win you over. Depp plays a former barber master, who hooked up with uber hot blonde. The local creepy bad guy (played by the ever so wonderfully evil, Alan Rickman), the Judge, makes up some charge, and ships Depp off to a black hole prison somewhere on false charges, so that he can get his wife.

15 years later Depp returns as the revenge driven Sweeney Todd, finding his wife dead, and his daughter grown and in possession of his nemesis, the Judge (who actually intends on marrying the 15 year old). He opens a barber shop with a creepy pie maker, Helen, and he begins to thin London's population care of neck slicin' shaving jobs. And then Helen bakes them into London's new hit pies. A side plot of a young sailor that rode with Depp to London pursuing his grown daughter, much to the dismay of the Judge.

The blood shed is extreme, the film is distinctively creepy, Depp is awesome, as are the supporting cast. And the singing is good... I never did see the play it is based on, but I have been assured by a few friends that have, that it is a great stage to screen transfer. So did I like this film? I am so torn. On the one hand the film is a great time, Burton and Depp, on the top of their game... on the other hand, the singing just annoyed the hell out of me. Now I love musicals, okay, if done right, they can be quite the great little passing of time, and the thought of a blood soaked Burton musical made my left nut tingle. But my pet peeve with musicals is when the characters sing every thing, like every plain Jane sentence has to be sung. Like I want to explain how I walked to the door and back... why say it when I can sing and dance it. God at some parts I was like, shut up and talk dammit. There is maybe 17 sentences of non singing in this film, I understand the play is sing sing sing, but this is a film. Sitting in a theatre and watching people dance across the stage is lost in the transfer, and the continual singing has a tendency to really take you out of the film. 

I'm sure folks are already getting out their angry thumbs and fingers, and getting ready to hate mail me on this, well bring it douches, i have no inbox, wha ha ha ha ha (I think the evil laugh loses something in the transfer). I am sure with the production, and directional flare of Burton, as well as the plot, this film will find itself (and rightfully so) to cult status in no time, but it is not a favorite of mine. Just too much high pitched plot singing. Too much. 

(Picture me singing this, while dancing) "OOoooooo, I must now go, my review is done, it was fun, and long because I type slow.... Ooooooo, hopefully you laughed, so hard your seventh drink made a splash, have no fear, shed not a tear, Chuck B. Boonsweet is here... and this bitch bees goin no where... 

movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

Cult status 3.5 out of 5 stars

Oh look out for Sacha (Sexy time Borat) Cohen, he was fantastic in a small supporting role.

The kung fu boot to face, neck choppin' Kingdom

FORBIDDEN KINGDOM (2008)

Kung Fu is fantastic. Some of the old horribly dubbed classics still hold a warm squishy place in my chest area, "The Five Deadly Venoms", "Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" (the good one not the crap karate comp one), "Master of the Flying Guillotine", and so many others, that the quality of the chops and kicking action, made up for any other flaw. Plus I mean how sweet is it in bad dubbed English to hear, "Hmmm, you're kung fu is strong". I mean insert the word 'force' and we gots us some Jedi shit bitches.

In today's world of very much lacking kung fu, there are two giants that have been entertaining us for years, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li. Jackie though in his later years has drifted from the stunt driven kung fu that made him, in favor of shitty wire work American films (bad Jackie, bad, bad Jackie), while Jet Li, has managed to maintain a consistently enjoyable level of film (Fearless, Hero, etc)... but all that doesn't matter. They are legends both, and for years I, and all other kung fu junkies on the planet have begged for it and finally, finally, it is here... Both, in one awesome little package.

"The Forbidden Kingdom" rocks. Plain and simple. The plot is as such, white kung fu fanboy in New York, has run in with bullies and cute old asian man, ends up transported to ancient china with a magic rod, that belongs to the "Monkey King". And he's not to happy about it, but then he meets a master of drunken Kung Fu, Jackie Chan, and a musical hair weapon ninja, and together they set out to see his mission through, and teach his white ass some Kung Fu. 

Between them and their goal, super ninja villains, and an army in funny gold helmets. So movie is cruising, and I want it so bad, and then I got it... Jet vs. Jackie Chan... sweet lord feel my nipples harden.

Their fight makes the movie worth the price of admission by itself. Its about 7-8 minutes long, and boy freaking howdy is it sweet. All my years of kung fu worship, ha, finally paying off. I was smiling through it let me tell you. Anyway after that little dance, jet Li joins the crew and they all head onward to the big show down at Five elements mountain. Along the way of course having many jaw dropping fu action sequences. Did I mention the montage? Did I freaking mention the montage?! Yes, it has to be at least ten years since I got to see a skinny white kid in a kung fu learnin' montage, too fab. The direction, and fights are fantastic. Music is solid old school. All around great production.

You know I'm sure some folks might hate on the loser white kid training to be a hero. But really, he doesn't do too much to get in the way of Jet and Jackie's shizzie, and his little ending actually felt pretty dang good. If you like the Fu, get off your ass and see this film, if you don't like the Fu, but trust my taste in film without question, get off your ass and see this film, ha, and maybe just maybe it will back a foot chop to face believer of you.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Kung Fu scale 4.5 out of 5 stars (jet vs, Jackie, come on... How can I hate)

Boony is out this peace beyotch.

Oh you virgins you... hee hee

VIRGIN TERRITORY (2007)

I have never heard about this film, well, never had, rather, until it dropped in my lap. Really, messed up bit of business really, fairies, lawyers, anyway... So I imagine the majority of y'all ain't seen this here grouping of moving pictures either, but then is that not why you turn to dear old Charles B. Boonsweet... I think so.

Hayden C, Hayden, Hayden, my, my, how I am growing to enjoy your acting (cough and swallow) abilities. They are growing on me. So, do you like swords? Did you like "A Knight's Tale"? Do you like boobs? If you answered yes to at least two of the above three questions, odds are you will enjoy "Virgin Territory".  Story is as such, sword guy Hayden, wins fairly against big bad guy, Tim "I eat children for breakfast" Roth. Timmy decides he should die for that. Hayden manages to hide in a Nunnery, as a deaf mute handy man. While that is going on the ever so sot after Mischa Barton, resident rich, super hot girl, is in a state, as her parents have died of the plague, and the local bad guy, mister Roth (Fresh from hunting Hayden), wants a piece of her before her arranged marriage shows up, a count from Russia.

While at the Nunnery Hayden has sex with all the nuns, yes all... and let me tell you, this film here, a wee bread crumb of the naughty. Boobs, and boobs. So then Mischa ends up hiding out as a nun, in the same Nunnery, where she discovers Hayden... While that is happening Count shows up for wife to be (turning out to be a rather entertaining dude) and mixes it up with the Roth. And from there we have fake priests, sex slave traders, a very funny scene with a cow, more sex, some romantic cheese, some very entertaining narration... and a showdown or two.

Oh there is much to be said for swords, and the fighting with them, and this film has that, but really you will laugh out loud a few times during this film. It's pure fun. One liners, sex, good looking actors, a modern rock soundtrack, damsels in distress... ha, you get the dang idea. The writing is a great time, and you get the sense the leads are having a great time in the roles, including Mischa (please forgive me for that death scene on the OC) Barton. Though for the record, she is the only female I think to keep her clothes on. I swear if not for all the boobs and such this really had the feel of an old school Disney sword romp, in a really good way. My favorite moment, watching a man knock another man out by beating him with a chicken, worth the price of admission right there kiddies... 

Direction is great, a real flare for the moment, and with the budget, they get miles out of what I'm sure was a tight purse. The music as mentioned, is a rocking good time. I get real tired of period pieces with the same damn classical music rising up behind scenes. Acting is good, not great, but good. The priest is priceless, and I mean when's the last time you got to enjoy the sexploitation factor of naughty nuns? Hmm? yeah its been too long.

Enjoy folks a real diamond in the rough type thing ...

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Boony out bitches

Food poisoning

THE COOK (2008)

Ah the glory days of the slasher still live in the underbelly of the independent film community. Wait did I say glory days, I meant the tradition of cranking out uber violent sex filled attempts at film that occasionally entertain. The Cook came close folks it really... well ok, let me start at the beginning here. 

So, sorority house full of damn fine ladies (by independent standards they really out did them selves, I mean so of these ladies are mighty fine), a replacement cook shows up. While they party, screw, mingle, and one good one tries to study, he systematically offs them. Then, in particularly violent ways, grinds them into meat and feeds them in fancy dishes to the remaining house guests. Unaware they are eating their friends. The whole situation made more strange by the fact that the Cook can't speak English. So there are some interesting scenes where he's talking to a girl about how he's going to kill her friends (care of subtitles) while she giggles and says, "i have no idea what you're saying". Oh cute soon to be dead English girl.

Okay, first, this movie could have been cool. I mean that. Hot chicks, with much, unashamedly so, nudity, blood, a psychotic psycho... I mean all the chocolate chips are there for a mighty fine cookie. Oh but there are mighty big problems. First the budget did not hold this movie back... make up looked good, setting being one house, really won't notice the cheapness that much, other than in the acting. Definitely got the "D" team. But really I mean who needs the girls to act in a film like this, they just need to be cute, de-clothe and die, and boy howdy are they good at that (I especially enjoyed the tormented catholic girl who gives in to her desires to be dominated by her lesbian neighbor, only to end up naked and chained up, at the mercy of the Cook). The problems start with the writing, my freaking god. Since ol' Boony here has dabbled in the art of screen play let me make you aware of a problem I came across early in my writing; Writing chicks like they were dudes. And sweet Mary does it annoy the crap out of me. Women can be dirty, women can love sex, but women, for the most part anyway, do not talk like guys. Meaning sex this, f--- hoe that, sex sex sex, masturbate this, whore that. I swear the whole movie I was like, yeep, guy wrote this. I mean if I hadn't seen them all naked I might have actually thought these sex crazed hoes were hombres.

Serious try to sit through this film with a chick, I give her about three minutes before she says something about the girls being insanely, impossibly slutty. Yes we all wish women were like this... they're not. Second major issue with this film, what the hell it wanted to be. Does it wanna be a serious little B slasher, or a campy classic? It seems to lose itself often, never quite wanting to commit to one genre or another. I mean the killer is completely over the top (painfully so at some points), but then the humor is pretty sparse at some points... and there's what i can only assume was suppose to be some attempt at character development, plus they do through in the whole "We'll make a sequel, if you let us" at the end. 

I don't know, cool idea, gone wrong with horrible writing, some weak directing. Can't even be saved with hot naked chicks and blood shed, and I mean shit that saved like at least 327 movies during the 80s... Oh it makes me smile....

Movie scale 1 out of 5 stars

Horror/slasher scale 2.5 out of 5 stars (only because off the blood and TNA... that is all, and if you're wondering if there is that much, yeep there is, because without it we were looking at a 1.0 here)

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Shine that tin bitch up

TIN MAN (2007)

This is a movie based on "The Wizard of Oz"... not a remake, a re-imagining. It was a three part special on the Sci-Fi channel in the good ol' U S of A. So I will start by saying this, wow is this a complete perversion of the "Wizard of Oz", and I mean that in the best possible way. Serious. Watching the absolute off the wall insanity that is "Tin Man" is something of a guilty pleasure. The plot goes a little something like this, DG (otherwise known as Dorthy Gale version 2.0) gets sucked into the "O.Z." after the wicked witch Queen of the whatever sends her goons in a transportation tornado to collect her. When she arrives in OZ she finds what I believe are Indian/munchkins. Then she meets "Glitch",  a wack job that had his brain removed by the queen. Then they meet up with a man, held prisoner by a giant suit of armor thing, that turns out to be a cop, and cops in OZ are called "Tin men". You follow? No? Its okay. I wouldn't either if I hadn't watched the damn thing. Ok so other than that they meet a creature future seer guy called "Raw" (your cowardly lion stand in), together they set out to solve the riddles of DG, and save OZ. 

Along the way meeting robots, magic, and Richard Dreyfus (in a wondrous and all too short appearance) as a stoned Wizard... oh you see what I mean by perversion. Let us move on.

I enjoyed this adventure. The effects are not great, pretty standard TV level, and better effects would have helped, but there were still a few cool Ooooo's and Ahhhh's. The story moved me from hate to love to annoyed as crap with the acting abilities of the lead, to liking her in the end. I don't know, it was all over the map. However one thing I can say for sure, I enjoyed the absolute, unrestrained, creativity, when challenging a beloved classic. You can tell they got the green light and rolled with it, almost making it as out of control insanity as possible. 

I love my fantasy adventures, and though this in no way deserves to be in the top whatever in that category (mostly due to the acting and writing) it is a fun romp through the imagination. Do not hold this against the original OZ, it is not meant to be taken as a remake, it's an entirely new story, even... and I do try to avoid spoilers... dropping a few ties (in a very unexpected moment) to the original.

So enjoy it for what it is, crazy dumb fun. The one thing that just bugged me beyond reason, everyone constantly referring to OZ as the O-Z. No matter how I tried to avoid it, it sounded like the O-C to me... maybe they thought it was hip. Hipness revoked, just annoying. But get past that you might have some silly fun.

Movie scale 2.5 stars out of 5 stars

fantasy scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Dead Moon rising over another piece of indie crap

DEAD MOON RISING (2007)

I have a soft spot for indie films. No budget, just a few folks gathering ideas, and friends to create some off the mainstream path options. Sometimes, you find some amazing treasures, "Evil Dead", "Kids", "Clerks", ... and many others. Of course some become mainstream over time, but they did naye start that way. So i often dabble in the indie pool, to see what's I find. With "Dead Moon Rising" I found nothing. In fact I lost 90 minutes of my life.

Dead moon Rising does start with promise, in a field often lending itself to the indie nation, the Zombie film. So basic loser and his rag tag group battle a sudden plague of the undead. It has a few clever lines, and some nifty flashback sequences, talk to the camera type of shit, that made the start... enjoyable. So I was actually into to it, and then, then, things got rough. From ugly chicks (I mean I understand, indie is indie, but heck, did you have to pay the female cast with beer and coke, ok that was rough... but seriously), one of the worse scripts I have ever seen, seasoned with horrid acting, and...AND! A huge, freaking huge no no; Touching on the greatness that is Bruce "Don't call me Ash" Campbell. Oh yes, near the end of this shit movie, our hero actually turns to the screen, and says the immortal line of the "Evil Dead" main player.... "Groovy". I actually threw my popcorn at the screen.

It's kind of like imagining the worse band you know using a chorus from a Pink Floyd song. Yeah like that. The movie seems to drag on forever, from one dumb scene to the next. Trying to be over the top cheesy and funny, just ends up being so bad I should really hit the stop button. Even has one scene when two chicks randomly grope and make out. Think that's hot, remember what i said about the females in this flick, then if you really wanna see that, spend 5 minutes online, so sayeth the Boonsweet.

Not worth seeing, ever. Uninteresting, it will hurt you as a film fan, and a zombie fan. 

The end of this movie, somehow manages to make the rest of the film look like citizen Kane ha! Like just when you think it can't get dumber... oh it does... Ow... Ow... my logic cortex

Movie scale 0.5 out of 5 stars

Horror movie scale 0.5 stars out of 5

Strange, stranger, and red leather shiny jacket thing

THE DEATHS OF IAN STONE (2007)

If you like horror, then last year (2006) news of the "After Dark Horror Fest, 8 films to die for", more than likely found its way to your ears. The marketing was great, setting up the audience for 8 films deemed to "Intense", "Shocking", and "Brutal", for wide theatrical release. Then they have one weekend where you can buy a ticket in participating theaters, and watch all eight. A few months later they release a nifty box set. So what's the problem with that? Well, absolutely nothing, if any of their marketing claims had been real. What they really meant to say was, "8 films that sucked way to bad to be anything other than straight to video, and probably ignored there too". Yes, I know "The Abandoned" was a slight step up, but only stood out as much as it did when compared to the other crap fests. God, some of them were just horrible, I think I actually just shuttered thinking about them, "Penny Dreadful", "Dark Ride", "The Gravedancers (featuring a computerized skull chasing a vehicle, Oh jeez)"... and the list goes on. Don't you go thinking these are so bad their good, no, no, anyone that has seen them knows they're just shite.

So 2007 rolled around, and there we are, Horrorfest 2. 8 more films, 8 more chances to somehow gain my attention only if out of a deep horror love and a hope that they couldn't possibly suck as bad as the first. Maybe I should just classify that as, curiosity if they would suck as bad. They adjusted their advertising this time around, obviously after a ton of horror die-hards flocked to the first festival, and discovered they were neither violent enough, scary enough, or shocking enough to be banned from your grandma's Soaps, they decided to not straight lie this time. But they still hype the shit.

Anyway so i looked into the line up this year, and dare I say a few of the plots caught my eye. Probably the most interesting concept was this here reviewed number, "The Deaths of Ian Stone". It was definitely the one I was most interested in. And, prepare yourself, the first Horror Fest 2007 member I watched did not totally suck. I said it. And now I will continue. 

The story is wonderfully strange... Ian Stone wakes up in different lives each day, only to be brutally stalked and killed. Each life has ties to the one before, and a strange old guy keeps popping up to kill him things like, "When the clocks stop, they're coming for you", and "You need to remember", and a bunch of other cryptic messages. I am going to try to review this film without giving to much away, because that might take away from the weirdness. So basically he is chased life to life, by some freaky ass things, all the while this one girl keeps showing up in each life, unaware, and slowly then start to unravel the secrets to why this is happening to him. 

Now, first, the production values, and no I do not mean the special effects, they were alright i guess. I mean the camera, lighting, all that jazz, was, in the first ten minutes ahead of the entire first horror fest (okay a slight exaggeration, still). The acting was decent. The makeup effects were cool. There are problems definitely.

One, why do the bad guys decide to dress like matrix rejects in the final sequence, complete with those little glass. Two, why do they have the witchblade on their arm (comic reference, if you do nay know, check out some picks, you know my saying, google it bitches). Three, it does lose a little in the final 10-15 minutes. After all the build up, and strange shizzie going on, a straight forward hack and slash ending seemed a little... off, but its all good. I enjoyed finding out what was going on, even with the weird arm thing. A bigger budget, and a little more attention to the scare factor could have had a real fun flick here. But it creeps ya, rather than getting ya to jump. 

Not a great movie, but a better start for this years 8 film line up. Worth watching, if for nothing else but the premise. Weird stuff. Like "groundhog day" does hell I can't even think what to compare the creatures to... 

movie scale 2 out of 5 stars

horror scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Check it out... and why the shiny leather, why... ha

Boony out bitches.

Denzel and Russell, they gansta yo

AMERICAN GANGSTER (2007)

I can understand how, in the eyes of the Academy, 'No Country for Old Men' won best picture. I understand and have a certain disdain for it (read my review a few months back). After watching 'American Gangster', I must say I have a lack of understanding how it was left out of the Best picture nominees. The only explanation I can fathom is that over the years, since the 'Godfather' and perhaps before, the film world has always had epic Gangster films. Featuring decades of drugs and violence, and the ending that only a "Based on a true story" tale can provide. American Gangster somehow encompasses all of these, and yet remains original and enjoyable throughout.

I'm sure you have heard the phrase, "The film had me from the first frame", well never, and I do mean never, have I felt this to be more true. Fade in, bam! Light a dude on fire, crazy. Denzel would be the main reason why this film never loses your attention. He is vicious in this film. How you give him the Oscar from 'Training Day', then no for this, I dunno. The second reason would be Russell Crowe. What's this? A cop in a gangster movie that doesn't back stab, or blur the lines to get his man... An honest cop on film? Can it be. It is and I loved it.

And the story goes... Once the drugs were controlled by the, well everyone that wasn't an African American, then Denzel took charge after his boss died, eliminated the middle man, went straight to "we sell you pure drugs" Thailand, and changed for ever the quality of drugs in the hood... and then further. Enter Russell Crowe, aforementioned honest cop, who is put in charge of the first real anti narcotics unit. While he and his team put the pieces together, Denzel grows to rival the mob, and others. Naturally this causes enemies to pop up everywhere. So he has to fight hard to hold on to his kingdom, while Italians, crooked cops (a freakin ton of them, guess they felt it would balance out the honest one), and any number of wannabees try to take him down, or get in on his game.

This film manages, I felt, to at no point make you feel that you should sell drugs. There is wealth, but this film is not to glorify the story, only relate it. It's dark, you're always looking over your shoulder, and when the end comes, well, it hits hard. One thing I absolutely loved about this movie, it actually had a good ending. I kid you not, a gangster movie without the "I learned my lesson don't sell drugs ending", or the "Everyone has left me behind, I'm pathetic"... None of them. Awesome. Russell and Denzel dance around the whole film, but never cross paths. When they finally do, man, talk about a good time. Watching them have a blast trying to out act each other, alone, is worth the price of admission.

A great film, A great gangster film... 

Go see... that is all... rent it now bitches.

movie scale 4 out of 5 stars

Gangster scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

30 days of blood sucking creatures for the icy boat... or where ever they came from

30 DAYS OF NIGHT (2007)

Two things, 

1) I think I, like most horror fans, love vampires. Granted they are often used as teen heart throb content, and we all get sick of shiny white fang close ups, but still, there is a soft spot in my hardened man shell for the suckers. 

2) Josh Hartnett has grown on me. I almost hate to admit it, what with his teen heart throb roots, but much like the male half of Brangelina, or Angelpitt, or whatever we're calling Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie these days, he has proven his acting chops. Though still a little one dimensional, he can get his point across well, and he makes a good ass kick manly man. 

This film owes a lot to its director, David Slade. The only other project I was familiar with of his was "Hard Candy", an earlier role staring miss Juno. And if these first two major projects are an indication, Mr. Slade, you are going to have a long career in this here business.

Plot, small Alaskan town, the day before the sun sets for thirty days. To anyone not sure, yes this is real, and happens. So the day before a few strange things start happening, all the cell phones are destroyed, helicopter is disabled, and basically anything that would let this small town maintain contact with the outside world during the lights out.

Small town Sheriff, and his ex lover are reunited thanks to her missing the final flight out of town before perma-dark. Then the shizzie goes off the hook, and some mad creepy "not likely to see in Buffy reruns" vampires start tearing apart people, and the town. What follows is a long struggle to survive with those not killed in the first days of the attack. Blood, blood, and and limbs, folks, no lie.

I have to give one mad prop out to one shot (and there are a few worth mentioning) that really stood out. The camera glides, birds eye view of the town under attack, complete chaos. The shear planning to set that shot up must have been uber sweaty, well worth it chums. Getting back here...

The Vamps in this flick are a great time. No more cutesy, lets bite each other and live forever. No, vampires with souls (sorry I really do enjoy Buffy, just, you know, shit's cheesy). These Vampires are bloodthirsty, ugly, blood stained, foreign beasts. Here to enjoy the slow moving food, and lack of sun. This movie has style, much inspired from the graphic novel. Yes, in case you didn't know kiddies, one of the most praised horror comics of all time. So, much like 300, and Sin City, before, there are some beautiful shots right out of the book. Boy Howdy do they look sharp on the big, or small, screen. 

Writing is pretty good, the movie flies by, and sometimes the writing takes a moment to catch up, but the dread and acting is good enough to carry you through. I like Melissa George as the ex, trapped in a situation with a former love, husband, guy. She's a nice balance for the stare acting of Josh Harnett, and I mean that in the best possible way, honest. I like the guy remember, he's growing on me. 

The ending, as all you Boonites know, means the world, and I loved this ending. Not only to we get chaos, but we get a rather enjoyable meeting of Good and Evil... A little far fetched and you will be wondering what's with all the spectators... but, screw it. Fun, is fun violent fun. 

And a little romance for the ladies... 

There are some truly violent scenes in this film, with a few genuine scares... watch it with the lights off bitches.... yes that means the Batman night light too little Jimmy...

movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

Horror scale 4 out of 5 stars

Another true comic adaptation, or at least good, hopefully the trend continues, and no one starts Uwe Bollin' them.... 

Lata bitches

Never Heard of this flick, till like a week ago... explanation wanted.

HERO WANTED (2007)

I have a quiz for you, how do you have a decently directed film, by a guy who has been stunt coordinating for years (Face/Off, Mission Impossible 2, Minority Report, Windtalkers, Men in Black, and the list goes on), staring an Oscar winner, Cuba Gooding Jr, and an icon Ray Liotta, along with a bunch of "hey it's that guy from that movie" actors, and have no one on earth, or almost no one hear of it. No release date, no theatrical release, hell, no reviews on IMDB (international movie database, not having a rating on there is like not existing). 

And it gets better, I just watched this damn thing, and I gotta say it ain't too shabby. Yes Cuba Gooding Jr., or his agent, whoever runs his career, has done their best to trash his career, but the man can act. I mean, hell, he's like one of two freaking things you remember from 'Pearl Harbour'.  Also, for a directing debut, gotta say, Brian Smrz, with the budget you had, damn good. I offer you a muffin in congratulations. Of course I mean that only as a joke, please do not contact me in an effort to retrieve this muffin.

Okay since I know you have yet to hear of this film, here's your daily plot scoop. Cuba Gooding loses his wife and daughter in a car crash. A while later, his life sucks, has no meaning, then while sitting with his buddy having a beer, there is a horrible car crash. Cuba risks life and limb, climbing into the burning car and rescues a little girl. For a time he is the toast of the city, and he likes it. But, over time the city forgets him, and he descends into booze, and self loathing. Enter a bank robbery, where Cuba watches a woman get shot and interferes with the robbers, only to get shot himself. He wakes in the hospital determined to find the men responsible for shooting the woman, and robbing the bank, and bring them some good old fashioned Charles Bronson (Death Wish I through V, look em up folks, well ok, just I) style justice. While Ray Liotta closes in on him in search of this vigilante.

Ok, there are some really cool twists that come a little later in the film. The whole, flash back to the past to explain what's going on in the present, type of twists. So to the inexperienced viewer, you might be a little confused for a while, but the acting, and writing, should keep you going. 

This is not a superb cinematic achievement, I don't want to give that impression. It is however, a good old time revenge flick. I could almost see Steven Seagal beating down folks early 90s style while I watched this. Cubey (as I call him) is good in the lead role, and a few of the characters around him are pretty intriguing, ok, well only really the little girl he saved. She was good, good actress, and this whole I'm in love with Cuba cause he saved me thing, was creepy and effective.

The action scenes are fun to watch, you can tell the stunt guru learned more than a few tricks from the director's he worked under. One scene in particular, a wonderful homage, or rip off, of John Woo's swinging camera shots.

And, as we all know, Boony here loves his endings, and this one; yes, it is a little cheesy, and all that, but I liked it. Might rub some peeps as too sweet, the ending that is, but I liked it. It's a revenge flick folks, 90s style. We need a tight wrap up, sunset ending, am I wrong? No, because am I the writer of what is and isn't awesome bitches.... ha ha ha, you are powerless against my shiny sweetness.

How Uwe Boll (yes I watched all your movies, no I did not prejudge, and seriously, you suck. bad, very bad. Anyone that needs a laugh, please read some of this guys interviews, talk about denial. Man thinks he's a genius, and I watched "Heart of America", Uwe, that was crap too, not because I hate you, I couldn't care less, but you make crappy movies, continually. Prove me wrong, prove the damn country wrong... then you won't be the bane of movie goers everywhere. I mean there is a petition on line that has 180,000 signatures to ban you from film... that's like the entire audience for "In the name of a king: A dragon siege tale".... sorry i digress, but wow... just wow) can continue to find his way to theatres however briefly, well this, with the actors it has, and being a good time whooping flick gets snubbed is anyone's guess. I choose to blame, I dunno, how about whatever is killing the bees.... ha!

movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Action scale 3 out of 5 stars

The newspaper of terror? Well, glad they went with Premonition

PREMONITION (2004)

Subtitles folks, no English on this DVD. So if you are a complete subtitle-ist, then move on, however, if you appreciate foreign film, Asian thrillers, or are border line, and love me to the point that you will allow me to sway your fragile little mind, then read on.

Asian horror film is light years ahead of almost all entries in America's horror field. Now I am sure there is a lot of crap out there in the Asian field, however most of what makes it over, is at least worth checking out. I've been looking forward to getting my hands on this one for a while. Part of what is widely known as the "J-Horror" 6 film collection, through the reading of online comments, and trailers, I was pumped, but boy howdy did my ass have to wait for a while. 

... It was worth it.

This has to be one of my favorite Asian horror/thriller films for one big ass reason, it makes sense. I mean, it starts somewhere, has a building, well constructed story and actually ends with a good, understandable ending. As opposed to some of the other more well known entries in the genre (i.e. Ju-on, or Ringu), which feature more scares for your buck, but, I mean in all honesty, make about as much sense as my third nut. 

This here gem, starts with a family on their way back from a visit to Grandpa's. They stop along the way so the business driven Father can send an email from a phone booth. While in the phone booth he notices a worn newspaper clipping that predicts the death of his five year old daughter. Before he can react a truck hits the car, and his daughter dies. Jump three years forward, the Father and Mother have divorced, the Mother never being able to believe his tale of the "Predicting newspaper". The Father existing through his life, completely guilt stricken. 

Unbeknownst to him, his ex-wife, came across information concerning this "news paper" and is now trying to uncover it's secrets, and hopes that this effort will excuse how she treated her former husband. They meet up, and both begin to explore the trail of this paper, as well as long buried feelings towards each other, and the death of their daughter.

There are more than a few creepy, jump, moments in this film, but more so, this is an intense slow building thriller. More creep than scare, and very involving. The acting is solid, the writing is great. Who would expect a film about an object referred to as "The Newspaper of terror" could not only avoid cheese, but build to an awesome, mind bending (but not to the point of retarded) ending. 

I hit stop on this film feeling very complete, the way only an awesome film experience can leave a true fan of the art. The theme of this film is complex, but simple once you understand... If you were given the chance to save someone, a stranger, would you? Can you change fate? And what are you willing to sacrifice for those you love? All good questions, all explored on film before, but not like this. 

Be ready to jump when that damn paper hits the window... it got me...

A great Asian thriller. A great thriller period... my god it hurts me knowing that at the time this was getting attention over here, Sandra Bullock made a film of the same title... I assure you no connection. At least I don't think so...

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Thriller scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

Chuck Boonsweet is out for a good time....

10,000 years ago, there was this hot chick

10,000 B.C. (2008)

Oh, here we are, our first big budget, bodies flying at each other in computer animated style, epic of 2008. And I, my popcorn, and medium sized pop are ready to rock. I really should have grabs some nibs too... not only tasty, but a handy, chuckable weapon if boredom sets in. 

So, as can be expected with any big ass budget blockbuster, one way to save money, is to have non names, or least littler names, in the lead roles.

So we have Steven "Please forgive me for The Covenant" Strait, Camilla "you have seen nothing I'm in" Belle, as the leads. Camilla as the mysterious blue eyes girl who is found and brought to a camp of Mammoth hunters. Her village lost, her heritage unknown. The rather creepy old wise lady (cause I mean if you believe Hollywood, any civilization before cars had a old wise woman or man, or doctor... well Okay I guess one could argue Scientology still carries on that tradition, ha, anyway...) touches the girl and receives a prophecy that she, and a warrior from the camp will usher in a new age for their people. Years pass, Camilla and Steven grow up together in the camp, and grow in love, until the day of the last hunt. The day the new leader of the camp will be chosen, and claim the fully grown Camilla for his, and lead his people to this foretold new age.

Enter the first real taste of the effects mastery of this film. Holy Hannah (yes I now use the name Hannah Montana as profanity, try it, its great) are they fantastic. The Mammoth (or Mamock as they pronounce it) hunt is unbelievable. One of the folks I saw it with even commented that for a few moments he thought they just glued hair on elephants... Ok so he's a little helmet wear special, but the point is valid. Any who, hunt ends, enter the four legged demons (Warriors that look suspiciously like vikings, on horses), they descend, and take prisoner a large group of the villagers. Steven, and two others, form the camp, pursue the villagers, including his love, over the mountains, and into strange new lands. Lands that include, dino type things, saber tooth tigers, a lot of tribes (each with a pair of prophecy shoes that Steven Strait keeps filling), and concluding with Egyptians, or Egyptian relatives and the construction of the pyramids. Where he rallies slaves, and challenges the way of things for his woman.

Okay, a lot there I know. And yes, as you can gather from my summary, there is plenty of cheese. Like thick greasy nacho cheese, but it is a big budget lay back and enjoy epic, and I did. Directed by Roland "I won't make a movie for under 100 Million" Emmerich, you should have an idea of what you're in for. I mean the man made 'Stargate', 'Independence Day', 'Godzilla'... so, I mean, lots of "Ews", and "Ahs".  The acting holds up. Camilla is appropriately hot, and likable. Steven is actually really good as the hero by accident. The directing is good. Cinematography is very very pretty. I saw this film with quite the diverse group of friends, and everyone left feeling satisfied. It's good film fare, and something that if at all able, you should see on the big screen. 

My favorite scene had to be the spear throwing nod to "300". Well that or the "don't eat me" line to the saber tooth. Good stuff, and not as many silly laugh one liners, or scenes, as you might expect in a Roland film. Very good happy time. Lean back, turn the brain down, but just a little. 

So go get your prehistoric on bitches!

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

I look forward to seeing this again. Oh and the scene with the building of the pyramids was swell, because there is about a 1000 theories on how it was done, so it was interesting to see their take on it.

Boonsweet "way cooler than Seacrest" out

This parking spot reserved for ... Terror

P2 (2007)

Ha, I think that is my current favorite review title. Just thought I'd mention it. I rule. 

So, you know when you kinda heard about a movie, but didn't really think too much of it, then it ends up finding it's way into your DVD player, and you're all like, I guess, since it's in there might as well watch it, and then it's awesome. Yeah P2, just like that.

So its Christmas, in what ever city they're in. Rachel Nichols (of one season of alias) plays a big time workaholic. She's rich, and seems in charge of more than a little responsibility. It's Christmas eve, and her family is all over her, trying to make sure she makes it for the gathering in time. She of course, though meaning to, works late, and leaves later. She's the last one out of the office, and heads down to her car, located in section "P2", to find that it won't start. She then tries to leave the parking garage, all her Christmas gifts that were in her trunk, now in hand. She finds the doors have been locked. She heads to the security office in the parking garage. There she meets a creepy young man, that offers to try to help her get her car started. She decides its best to get a cab. Thanks him, and leaves to lobby to wait for her cab. But when the transport arrives, the front door is locked, and she can't get to her ride. She again returns to the security office, to find no one there. So she wanders, then gets knocked out by the same guard, and wakes up chained to a table, Christmas dinner in front of her. 

From there this movie gets darker and darker. The whole film takes place in the parking garage, as the security guard (played with a wicked evil/creep/outkast take by Wes Bentley) gets more and more crazy, and the efforts of our young heroine to escape. There is a real old school vibe to this film, and it had been a while since I'd seen a good ol' crazy loser kidnaps dream girl and chaos ensues flick, and this one is just hella good (I had to, ha)

Rachel Nichols is freaking awesome as the lead, her desperation becoming evident, and her smarts helping her survive and outwit as the movie goes along. Though the security guards intensity matches her characters at every turn. This is a film of two leads. There are very few other folks in this film, and when they are, it's brief, and someone usually ends up dead.

The violence in  this movie surprised me a little bit, but wow was it crazy. I loved how they would have fifteen minutes of exchanges between the leads, and then all of a sudden, she's running and the blood is flying. The one setting really allows you to build a familiarity with the parking garage, so that you know it well enough to know where the next turn leads, or to almost yell at her to move from here to there. An awesome nod of the creative head to the director on that one. This is a film that if it had had a better push, and presentation, could have scared the sweet icky goo outta patrons for a while in theatres, but it got lost in the Christmas season, and then showed up to make me jump in the comforts of my living room.

This is an intense, violent, wonderfully acted, old school thriller. You will jump, you will hate the damn guard dog (oh man did I want his furry barking ass to get it), and you should press stop, feeling pretty damn good. I really enjoyed this one guys, Boony likes, Boony likes. I love those little caught me by surprise flicks, it don't happen to often.

movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

horror scale 4 out of 5 stars 

Expect this one to get a word of mouth following on video, the first words to start that underground mouth train... courtesy of Chuck B. Boonsweet.

Lata Bitches

Before taking a spiritual journey you must ask... should I hindu, or hin-don't

THE DARJEELING LIMITED (2007)

Wes Anderson is a quirky little writer/director. I have had different feelings about his films. From a warm happy feeling after watching "Rushmore", to a, ah that was alright after "The Royal Tenenbaums", to my 'Sweet Mary did I love that movie' shouts after "The Life Aquatic". So, that being said I was a little unsure of where I would be after watching this film.

The story is thus, three estranged brothers, still in mourning over the lost of their Father a year earlier, are brought together by the eldest, in an attempt to bring them closer, and closure. The way he plans on doing this is a trip through India. He has planned many spiritual experiences, hitting all the major temples, and the like, in what hopes, will fix their feelings towards each other, and life. Along the way, as can be imagined, things do not always go according to plan. And, well, funny thing about those spiritual journeys, they have a way of happening despite themselves.

Wes Anderson has an alarmingly disarming simpleness to his writing, and his directing matches it stroke for stroke. The characters are so real, that they almost seem boring at first. However, you find yourself growing attached to them before you even realize it. "Darjeeling Limited" is evidence of this ability as never before. Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason Schwartzman, are all on the top of their game here. They are so good together, that a have strong want feelings in my happy places to see these three unite again. The story is very simple, but where the structure is simple, the emotional depth is anything but. Dealing with the lose of a loved one is the hardest thing, or one of, in this life. This film without question, captures the pain, the search for answers, and the triumph of hope. It's slow, and though you may find yourself laughing out loud a few times, its more just a smile, and a sense of enjoyment. All the actors are fantastic, I especially enjoyed the waitress on the train, one of the brothers falls for. They have some of the best lines between them.

In short, if you feel like warming your self, curled up on a couch. Maybe with a friend or such, grab a drink, get comfortable, and indulge. It starts slow, but before you know it, it seems to be flying by. 

Writing is great, the acting is better... very good film. Somehow got unrecognized by any major award nominations... strange

3.5 out of 5 stars

New one from the guy that Made Donnie D... finally

SOUTHLAND TALES (2007)

Richard Kelly made Donnie Darko. This makes him awesome. However as we all know, sometimes peeps that are awesome, fail miserably to live up to expectations, and hence, become poop. The shoe size Richard left after the brilliance that was Donnie D is like huge bitches. But I had faith, after seeing some promos for this flick, I was feeling good about it. And now finally having watched it I can bring the wonder that is my thinking to you, my film viewing public.

First things first, is this movie better than Donnie Darko?... Hecks no, and the main reason for that is just the about of insanity in this film. However, its still pretty enjoyable, kinda. Okay so it's a lil' hard to explain. I well now try...

Movie star with amnesia (the Rock), and a porn star with world ambitions (Sarah Michelle Gellar), write a film script that may or may not be an actual account of the end of the world. Meanwhile the world, in an effort to get off the fossil fuels addiction, has developed a way to harness the motion of the ocean into energy (pure karma or something like that) that can power machines without needing to be connected. Also, the U.S., after a nuclear attack on Texas, is now in an Uber state of martial law (meaning we ain't got no rights, and soldiers are positioned on towers to subdue any threats). Lastly, at least I think lastly, a guy (Sean William Scott) impersonating his twin brother, in a plan to shoot back people, while in a cop uniform, and sway the election. Okay, I missed the whole underground movement against the whole new system, and Justin Timberlake as a disfigured soldier who now sings, and sells a new drug based on the whole "Karma" energy thing. And at one point there are monkeys...

Annnnnnnnnnd..... catch your breath... or blink, whatever. The plot is freaking crazy. I mean nuts, I almost wanna say I enjoyed how crazy it was because A) I had no idea what the heck was coming have the time, and B) It's very rare you see a movie weave such a tapestry of chaos... Ha! Tapestry of Chaos, know any metal bands needing a name... and onward we go.

The celebrities in this thing are crazy. Even the small rolls are known peeps. I mean 2 Saturday night live folks, Will Sasso, just a ton of people. I think I even saw Phillip Seymour Hoffman in a long ass beard at one point, but I didn't see him in the credits, so I could have just been high on this flick by that point. I wish that I could give you a neat, tidy, little plot summary, like I usually do. But I am not entirely sure I can explain it... Basically it all builds to the end of the world, and a new god? Something like that. But it was fun. It was fun. The actors have a blast in the roles, and I mean as much as I love Sarah Michelle Gellar, I am loving her even more. Although porno queen, and no nudity... I don't know.... anyway, I think I liked it... Pretty sure I did. I mean anyone that has watched Donnie Darko knows you have to watch it around three times to really grasp the whole film. And even then, if you haven't watched the directors cut, it might still be a little fuzzy. Well if "Donnie" took three, this will take at least 5 and three quarters. 

One quick note, I do have a love for some of my fellow critics, and a very special place for Richard Roeper. I have always felt despite his being a bred critic, he still at least understood the loves people might have for certain films (i.e. see his two thumbs up review of "Jackass 2"). I watched his review for this film, and he trashed it. I mean the worst I have ever seen. Calling it a theft of two plus hours of his life.

This is a strange, complicated, insane movie. It will take some time to figure out. And even then it will probably mess with you. It is a worthy successor to "Donnie" and a lot of smiles to be had, including introducing the world to the term "cockchugger" ... thank you Southland Tales, if for nothing else, but for that. Destine to follow suit as Donnie. Get slammed by critics, bomb at the box office, and develop huge, drink, and drug loving following... well and a few sober folks. All you university/college kids... expect a friend to show up one night with a bag o whatever and telling you, "You gotta see this flick man, freaking crazy".

movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

cult status 3.5 out of 5 stars

Toodles bitches