Thursday, April 24, 2008

Not freaking funny


Do not watch this piece of crap movie...

You know for a while, and if I had written this review yesterday, that would have been my entire review. No rating, nothing, just that. Then after thinking on it a bit I figured what the hell, I might as well tell you a wee bit as to why I feel this way. Now, as most of the Booniacs out there know, I try to avoid spoilers as much as possible, in this case I do not care. I have not been this pissed at a flick in a long time.
Let's start with the good. The acting is brilliant. I mean five star brilliant, across the board. Tim Roth, and Naomi Watts, are great, and the supporting cast is fantastic. The directing which at first looks to be as awesome, will eventually just piss you off. I get that this director has a real hard on for focusing on the reactions to something, rather than the audience being able to see for them selves... but you know, I'm sitting here, I have eyes, I wanna see the damn thing, and have my own reactions. As well, he seems to enjoy just leaving the camera perched looking at, say, a house. For a whole minute before we see the characters come into frame.
Okay here we go... Rich, likable, family goes to their cottage. Where creepy Michael Jackson fans (I say this only because of the white gloves) take them hostage, and play some very serious, life and death games. So as mentioned, usually when something violent happens, the camera is focused on someones reaction... Husband getting stabbed, we see wife cry, hear him scream, that short of shizzie. At first cool, then just annoying. And every so often the main bad guy will say something to the camera. At first cool, but in conjunction with the ending, stupid, stupid, stupid. So these bad guys are not funny, not cool, hip, or anything. They're just evil, and annoying as hell, you hate them. Then they blow the head of an eight year old boy with a double barrel shot gun and you hate them more. Movie is full of tense, nail biting moments... and I must say, had my undivided attention until... well until this happen...
Mom gets hold of their gun about 3 quarters of the way in to the film, after her son is killed, and blasts one of the two with their own gun. My friend and I both jumped off the couch, arms raised. Because at that point you want them to die so bad. Then the other Bad guy left, takes the gun away from her, and starts screaming "Where's the remote?" He finds the television remote and ... I can feel the stupidity rage raising in me... rewinds the movie. That's right, right in the middle of a wickedly realistic film. Intense, involved, son of a bitch pulls an Adam Sandler 'click' moment and rewinds the film to before his friend was shot, then takes the gun out of reach of the wife, telling her she's not allowed to do that. Then he shots her husband, and they take her out into the lake and kill her.
When he rewound the film, my buddy stood up, told me to shut the piece of s--- off. I watched it to the end. Apparently these guys are god, because not only did that bastard rewind reality, but then they notice the wife trying to cut her ropes on the boat and throw her over board. While on the boat they have a stupid discussion of reality vs. film and the lines between, obviously some zen moment to explain the retardedness I had just witnessed... I really didn't care by that point. Boonsweet's middle finger was raised. 
Now I get the director/writer's theme here. You are not in control, you will watch what you are allowed to watch. But they have control. They can do what ever they want and all you can do is watch, deciding for yourself whether they are reality... or something like that. Who cares. Perhaps some of the best screen performances I have seen in years, wasted on a directors love with his own "genius". I can just see this guy saying things like, "The idea of this film is to take the power from the audience. To have them feel as weak and unable as the family".... blah blah... I hate you. I hate your film. And I am sure this is the most unprofessional I have ever been, but god I hate self indulgent crap like this.

Movie scale 2 out of 5 stars (purely for the performances)

C.B.B. is moving on to something better, maybe with ninjas.... lata  

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