Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The kung fu boot to face, neck choppin' Kingdom


Kung Fu is fantastic. Some of the old horribly dubbed classics still hold a warm squishy place in my chest area, "The Five Deadly Venoms", "Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" (the good one not the crap karate comp one), "Master of the Flying Guillotine", and so many others, that the quality of the chops and kicking action, made up for any other flaw. Plus I mean how sweet is it in bad dubbed English to hear, "Hmmm, you're kung fu is strong". I mean insert the word 'force' and we gots us some Jedi shit bitches.
In today's world of very much lacking kung fu, there are two giants that have been entertaining us for years, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li. Jackie though in his later years has drifted from the stunt driven kung fu that made him, in favor of shitty wire work American films (bad Jackie, bad, bad Jackie), while Jet Li, has managed to maintain a consistently enjoyable level of film (Fearless, Hero, etc)... but all that doesn't matter. They are legends both, and for years I, and all other kung fu junkies on the planet have begged for it and finally, finally, it is here... Both, in one awesome little package.
"The Forbidden Kingdom" rocks. Plain and simple. The plot is as such, white kung fu fanboy in New York, has run in with bullies and cute old asian man, ends up transported to ancient china with a magic rod, that belongs to the "Monkey King". And he's not to happy about it, but then he meets a master of drunken Kung Fu, Jackie Chan, and a musical hair weapon ninja, and together they set out to see his mission through, and teach his white ass some Kung Fu. 
Between them and their goal, super ninja villains, and an army in funny gold helmets. So movie is cruising, and I want it so bad, and then I got it... Jet vs. Jackie Chan... sweet lord feel my nipples harden.
Their fight makes the movie worth the price of admission by itself. Its about 7-8 minutes long, and boy freaking howdy is it sweet. All my years of kung fu worship, ha, finally paying off. I was smiling through it let me tell you. Anyway after that little dance, jet Li joins the crew and they all head onward to the big show down at Five elements mountain. Along the way of course having many jaw dropping fu action sequences. Did I mention the montage? Did I freaking mention the montage?! Yes, it has to be at least ten years since I got to see a skinny white kid in a kung fu learnin' montage, too fab. The direction, and fights are fantastic. Music is solid old school. All around great production.
You know I'm sure some folks might hate on the loser white kid training to be a hero. But really, he doesn't do too much to get in the way of Jet and Jackie's shizzie, and his little ending actually felt pretty dang good. If you like the Fu, get off your ass and see this film, if you don't like the Fu, but trust my taste in film without question, get off your ass and see this film, ha, and maybe just maybe it will back a foot chop to face believer of you.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Kung Fu scale 4.5 out of 5 stars (jet vs, Jackie, come on... How can I hate)

Boony is out this peace beyotch.

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