Thursday, April 17, 2008

Oh you virgins you... hee hee


I have never heard about this film, well, never had, rather, until it dropped in my lap. Really, messed up bit of business really, fairies, lawyers, anyway... So I imagine the majority of y'all ain't seen this here grouping of moving pictures either, but then is that not why you turn to dear old Charles B. Boonsweet... I think so.
Hayden C, Hayden, Hayden, my, my, how I am growing to enjoy your acting (cough and swallow) abilities. They are growing on me. So, do you like swords? Did you like "A Knight's Tale"? Do you like boobs? If you answered yes to at least two of the above three questions, odds are you will enjoy "Virgin Territory".  Story is as such, sword guy Hayden, wins fairly against big bad guy, Tim "I eat children for breakfast" Roth. Timmy decides he should die for that. Hayden manages to hide in a Nunnery, as a deaf mute handy man. While that is going on the ever so sot after Mischa Barton, resident rich, super hot girl, is in a state, as her parents have died of the plague, and the local bad guy, mister Roth (Fresh from hunting Hayden), wants a piece of her before her arranged marriage shows up, a count from Russia.
While at the Nunnery Hayden has sex with all the nuns, yes all... and let me tell you, this film here, a wee bread crumb of the naughty. Boobs, and boobs. So then Mischa ends up hiding out as a nun, in the same Nunnery, where she discovers Hayden... While that is happening Count shows up for wife to be (turning out to be a rather entertaining dude) and mixes it up with the Roth. And from there we have fake priests, sex slave traders, a very funny scene with a cow, more sex, some romantic cheese, some very entertaining narration... and a showdown or two.
Oh there is much to be said for swords, and the fighting with them, and this film has that, but really you will laugh out loud a few times during this film. It's pure fun. One liners, sex, good looking actors, a modern rock soundtrack, damsels in distress... ha, you get the dang idea. The writing is a great time, and you get the sense the leads are having a great time in the roles, including Mischa (please forgive me for that death scene on the OC) Barton. Though for the record, she is the only female I think to keep her clothes on. I swear if not for all the boobs and such this really had the feel of an old school Disney sword romp, in a really good way. My favorite moment, watching a man knock another man out by beating him with a chicken, worth the price of admission right there kiddies... 
Direction is great, a real flare for the moment, and with the budget, they get miles out of what I'm sure was a tight purse. The music as mentioned, is a rocking good time. I get real tired of period pieces with the same damn classical music rising up behind scenes. Acting is good, not great, but good. The priest is priceless, and I mean when's the last time you got to enjoy the sexploitation factor of naughty nuns? Hmm? yeah its been too long.
Enjoy folks a real diamond in the rough type thing ...

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Boony out bitches

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