Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Terminator: Genisys (2015)

How bad do the machines suck at killing Connors?

So here we have another film that is gonna whip all them fanboys and casual haters into a frenzy. People are gunna tell you its crap... without even watching it. Tell you Arnold should freaking retire... And! Annnnnnnnnnnnnd! They are gunna to say this... and this next one here... oh sweet hell... does it fire ol' Boonsweet up.

They are gunna say: The original is so much better. Always will.

Well, you punk ass haters aka Medi-ogres aka "Meh"-heads. Which original would you be referring to? The original 1984 film? Or the widely accepted to be better, 1992 sequel. Cause if you are telling me that the ORIGINAL sequel is the superior movie... well... you're already half way to wonderland alice.

There. Opening rant done. And really, I can't be mad because I just basked in robot destruction for two hours!

Your story goes... (I refuse to explain anything before this film here) In a last ditch effort in the future, as the machines have finally fallen to the humans, they send a Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor - the Mother of the human's resistance leader. The humans, never one to shy away from tampering with time, send a soldier back to protect her. Only when he shows up he finds out that the time lines are @$#%&! and she has a pet/protector/machineDad Arnold "T-800" Schwarzenegger. From there its time hoping and clip emptying action.

Still. Da. Man.
Confession. I love all the other Terminator films. Yes some are better than others... and yes I don't think anyone can Argue the awesomeness of Part 2 aka Judgement Day... however even a less than stellar Terminator film is still what... 8 levels above the next best action Sci-fi flick? I think so yes. I was also, admittedly, in the minority in loving the last film. So if you wanna just walk away from your computer, hands raised in rage... and never read another Chuck Boonsweet blog. I understand. I think you suck. But I understand.

Kidding. Love Bitches.

Ok before I get into what I enjoyed about this film I do want to touch on a few of the drawbacks. First, and I hate to say this, but Alan Taylor, the director, drops the ball here a few times. One scene in particular is shot underground, and feels awkward and very poorly lit. Yes I am complaining about lighting, but ask ya self... how bad does that lighting have to be for Chuck freaking Boonsweet to complain about it? Also the camera has a tendency to shift extremely fast... or find objects shifting across it. during the large action set pieces. Took me out of it a bit. Think the original Transformers and trying to figure out which robot was winning a fight. And yes. If you really want to pull about a 150 million dollar film involving time travel and an alternate future by pointing to timeline inconsistencies... well... go ahead because they are here.

You know... you're right, this is not my bus.
But really, should it matter? It is an alternate timeline... Alternate.... as in not the same... so the timeline is involving as they continue to move forward. There. So all those inconsistencies are what? Right, the even flow of a newly developing timeline and future... Boom! You're welcome.

So to the awesome. Arnold rocks. The man is almost 70 and is wearing leather and mean muggin' CGI future assassins... F Yes! It is impossible to say that more Arnold is ever a bad thing in a terminator film, and he is absolutely living it up here... seemingly enjoying the heck outta returning to his Iconic role.

Emilia Clarke is one sexy and tough Sarah Connor, and I really liked her in the role. Jai Courtney as the new Reece is adequate. I won't say amazing, but he fills his role nicely. I mean really... this is Arnolds movie everyone else is just along for the ride. That said I liked everyone... the Psychiatrist returning from the first 3 films was a great touch. A little consistency is nice on occasion.

The script, something I as a writer, bring up often, is pretty damn fun. It goes for broke and why not for everyone involved this was the last terminator. Don't let reports fool you, this is a wrap up for the franchise. Could we see more? Sure. With what looks to be a 300-320 million worldwide haul on a 144 million budget... could happen. But if it doesn't. Here we go. All wrapped up in a nice little cyberdine bow.

The action seems (when not suffering from the aforementioned camera crap) really are fun. Guns emptying, robots clashing, grenades exploding... and Arnold with face skin missing. Yup. All requirements met.

This is one of those films that gets held under a microscope that it never warranted... this is a movie about time travelling robots. I don't think we need are brains treating it like a Hawking's presentation.

Man. Seriously. I am on point right now.

One thing, having been really excited to see Matt Smith have a role in this film... was pretty sad to see just how little he is used here. I mean not even one or two more scenes for all the Doc Who fans out there? For same big studio - for shame.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW: Grab your nachos, nibs, soft drink, and prepare to be terminated!

Digging up the Marrow (2014)


Let it be known to all you young, independent filmmakers... looking for someone to inspire and emulate, not sure there's too many doing it better out there right now than ADAM GREEN. First he threw down Hatchet 1+2, and the cult following worthy - Frozen (which this here self proclaimed greatest critic of all time loved)... somewhere along the line he drops a lovely piece of genre Television Holliston which then gains a rabid fan base... I wouldn't say I'm one of the rabid... But I have watched... and I have giggled. So needless to say, I keep my eye our for new projects he is attached too. Granted with Digging up the Marrow I took my time getting around to it... but like the tortoise... I gets it done.

Before I get too far ahead of myself... let's chat on plot. Digging up the Marrow is about Adam Green, as himself, and his merry band of producers and filming buddies (all as themselves) that decide to investigate a man claiming to have evidence of "Real" Monsters. Adam wanting to believe monsters could be real talks his friend into setting it up as a documentary... the further they go down the rabbit hole with the ishe/isnthe crazy William Dekker (played by the epically epic legend of the genre himself - Ray Wise) Adam and crew begin to realize there could be much more going on than they thought. Perhaps the answer to the greatest question ever asked: "ARE MONSTERS REAL?"

First. This is obviously a love letter to Clive Barker's NIGHTBREED. And you know, that is all right with me. Mostly because this is handled as an homage and not a rip off. William Dekker? And the main Bad guy in Nightbreed is Dr. Decker. Co-incidence? Me thinks not. This film is a slow burn folks. If you are looking for the non stop blood and carnage of say Mr. Green's Hatchet films, well you will be sadly disappointed. This is really about the journey to the answer... and the last 15 minutes of this film are pure 80s practical gold. No CGI, just great old fashion puppeteering and makeup. I heart this.

After pirates of the Caribbean it was all down hell for Ol' Squid Face
One thing I really want to say here... I knew Adam Green could direct, and dabble in the acting, what I didn't know he could do was craft a film quite like this. A film that revels in its characters and simpleness. This is not a big budget flick, this is a small budget, hand held camera film that you will actually believe and enjoy as just that. Having his friends and family play themselves was a great stroke (sprinkling in some Genre favourites in planned, or improved scenes, great as well).

I was invested in this film right from the beginning for a very simple reason... Adam is a likeable shit dammit. I especially liked how at one point his film making ego takes over and he's pissed to find out that Dekker approached other filmmakers first. Much more angry at this slight than the possibility Dekker is misleading them about monsters. It shows a nice ability to paint himself imperfect, which I think leads to his leading main gravitas... well at least as it works in this here flick. How many times have I (and many other Bloggers) complained about flat... unlikeable, uninteresting, characters? More times than I have wished there was a "Do not like" button on Facebook... and that is saying something.

Stupid Puppy Memes.

The last 15 minutes of this film were so damn good. I was clapping and clinking beers. Not by myself... that would be weird.

Also a great alternative title would have been "Awesome T-shirt man" ... as Adam and his merry band of peers rock some of the sweetest horror and genre friendly tees in the business... Even if a few are self serving :)

(Shout out to www.Fright-rags.com if you haven't scoped this site and you love horror... and Tee-shirts covering your nipples... go now!)

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Horror movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

It's not perfect and the opening two acts are a little slow despite the cool factor... Some of the This is really real wink wink segments are rough. And you just have to deal with shake cam.

But I think for the real horror fans, those guys and gals with classic blu-ray releases littering their shelves, you should find warm feelings in ya heart for this one.

ONE LINE REVIEW: Good Ol' Fashioned practical horror for you 80s babies.

Till next Booniacs!


Wednesday, July 1, 2015

CHUCK THE CRITICS! - Battleship (2012)

Oh man, here it is, a new, shiny thing... from your fav masterfilmator (is that a word? - is now!) ... This segment is where I find films that the internet at large, and all them shiny and surprisingly well compensated mainstream critics hate, and prove perhaps... No battle, for these films that were crushed and left for dead before the public at large could even give them a chance. No don't get me wrong, some films deserve hate (see my CRAP! segment) but we are a hate first society. Medi-ogres, Meh-heads, and just plain old HATERS. Because hating is just fun. And we like it. Well, you ever been watching a critics youtube playlist and thought to yourself - Man, does this person even like movies? Well, I do. So I will bravely fly into the face of the hate abyss, and try, despite the forces allied against me, to find hope... in the darkness... (Yay! Grab your chips)

So to start things off, why not go big? Which is probably what this film should have been called anyway. BATTLESHIP. Hot on the heels of Transformers the internet world was fuming. You see everyone said Transformers sucks! Its just brain dead CGI assault on the senses. Screw Michael Bay.... Blah blah, and then, well the world ignored them. The world said, screw it we wanna pay out 10$ a ticket and see the hell outta this movie. And the Blog-a-shere said "Wait, you mean they don't care what we say? No, we are important dammit we matter!". Then it happened again, Transformers: Dark Of the Moon. A worse movie, with a horrible title, and despite being hated by all critics (except maybe a select few I never read or saw) it made another billion dollars.

Well, then Hasbro decided they should make a 200 million dollar film based on a board game... and before the film even hit, the internet world said - No this is where we make our stand! 

So lets share the bad. Yes. This film is silly, and stupid, requires some suspension of disbelief... but I mean, really, don't most movies? How does batman get back to Gotham from the desert, and sneak into his city, or survive a nuke ... He's batman. How does Bond magically seduce all women... He's bond. No more logic needed. Sometimes I think we just choose which movies have to work harder... and thats... just not fair...

Seriously. Drink in this here awesome. 
This movie is pure big budget fun. You want your 1950s american Bravado, wrapped in an alien invasion, with a little Liam Neeson sprinkled on top? Hell yes you do. I knew in the first ten minutes I was gunna love this movie. Your by the book story goes... A young attractive bad boy (Taylor Kitsch) gets hauled into the navy after a run in with the law. Of course he just can't shake his bad boy ways... but naturally, he wins the love of the general's (Liam Neeson) Daughter (Super sexy blonde Brooklyn Decker). She sees his possibilities beneath all that crappy attitude and problems with authority. Then in the middle of an Navy exercise, aliens land and attack. Will the young troubled Navy boy shed his troubled ways and save mankind...

The suspense is I'm sure killing you.

What does any of this have to do with the board game? Honestly, should anyone care? NO! Its one thing to defend a comic or a book or an original film given the remake treatment. But this, this is a film based on a freaking board game. Ree-laxxxxx people.

Did I mention this film is also directed by Peter Berg? The man behind The Rundown (another criminally underrated flick), Hancock, Friday Night lights... etc. Really this movie is there to make you do two things... clap, and cheer. And it delivers. There is hardly a slow moment in this film. Do we need plot? NO! There's aliens, and they're dicks. Our soldier boys must defeat them! But here's where this film gets surprising, after basically an hour and 30 minutes of destruction, it develops a heart. In one of the most awe inspiring displays of War hero love (and really, shouldn't these old timers be honoured) a group of WWII heroes has to help the young guns in the final battle.


Ladies. Gents. Brooklyn Decker. 

Did I mention Gregory D. Gadson, a real war hero, and amputee, who helps battle the aliens that make it to the ground? Well I did now. You see some of these "Haters" are gunna talk about how its cheese, selling out to the american public, but really... is putting some real war heroes into a classic style B invasion movie such a bad thing. The cast seems to be having a blast here. Revelling in the moment.

If this movie was made on a shoe string budget in 1954. It would be a classic, but drop a couple mill on it in the new millennium... and we gunna hate it into oblivion.

As I said there are moments that are stupid and not explained, but who cares. They even manage to get the old BATTLESHIP game board in this movie. Ya. Can you imagine the stress the screen writer was under for that. Speaking of the screen writer... well writer(s)... they knew what they were writing. Peter Berg knew what he was directing... and Liam Freaking Neeson knew what he was signing up for. FUN


If you don't laugh and cheer while a giant warship is doing full screen battle with a giant alien spaceship with AC/DC blasting through your stereo... Than I think A little part of you has died. Just a little bit. It's only a matter of time until you will be hating on kids films for being too childish... oh wait that's already happening.

Crazy Haters you. Well not you... you're reading my blog. Which means there's hope! You are a Booniac... one of the few that seeks out better. Loves better. Lives with hope. Or at the very least... enjoys popcorn.

This is not a film to hold to the action standards of THE RAID, or the science fiction amazements of MOON. This is a B movie for the 2000s. And the big sci-fi loving kid inside me, is so OK with that.

Real Heroes. Real Bad ass aliens. (that, that shoulda been the tagline, M-Bay, call me homie)

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Action movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

One Line Review: AC/DC blasting, WWII heroes amassin', Alien Blasting, good times. 


Till next Booniacs!

- Charles Boonsweet