Friday, August 12, 2011



Plot: Really?! Killer in a mask slaughters everything. Let's move on.

Ok so there has been a significant lacking in the world of the slasher genre. In fact other than a few indies keeping it alive, the only representation we dear bloodthirsty fans have had in the mainstream has been remakes. Okay Friday the 13th was pretty sweet, and an upcoming review will explain that SCREAM 4 didn't suck. But really where is the new batch of chaos craving masked crazies? The Orphan Killer has been on my radar ever since the first time I flipped through a magazine to discover an add "The Orphan Killer: Facebooks original mass murderer" or something along those lines. So, ol Boony hopped on the facecrack and checked it out. Psychotic killer, videos posted (including a fav him holding Bin Laden's head after he was confirmed dead), lovely violent quotes.... Okay cheesy yes. But this in 2011, it takes alot to get attention unless you are famous, and have a vagina. And they had my attention.

My expectation were nonexistent. Too many times the genre has let me down with horrible acting, horrible writing, painful homages and inside jokes, and just... crap. Yet here I was ten minutes in. Blood splashing everywhere, heavy metal blasting in the background through the whole thing. Okay. Good sign. 30 minutes in. Limited plot- cool. More time for killing. Killer looks awesome. Okay. Oh that was a sick kill. Make up is sweet. Damn. Ok keep expectation down, don't hope don't you dare hope. 60 minutes in. OMG loving this... I'll have to facebook him. And was that a "cry little sister" heavy metal remix. Sweeeeeeet.

And in the end... No let down. This was a blast from start to finish. Maybe I was simply hungry for anything slasher. Maybe it was the nudity, and buckets of blood. Maybe it was the real world makeup... or hell... the lack of craptacular classical music in favor of ear tickling rifts... but damn was this fun. Yes the acting is still a lil weak, but really there is so much murder you hardly notice. And the writing is a little off at times, but the cast has real fun with it, and when they are on, it so works.

Horror fans, get your giggity on... I can't imagine this one letting you down. Yes it's low budget so if you are waiting for the next 50 million budgeted remake, fine, not for you... but to everyone that grew up on evil dead, TCM (no I am not explaining that D-bags, if you don't know, go F--- sum peanut butter), and killers that could come back even after being decapitated and hacked to death... enjoy.

HORROR SCALE 3.5 out of 5 stars
MOVIE SCALE 2.5 out of 5 stars

Sincerely Charles B. Boonsweet



The plot is as such... Mattey McConaughey (for the first I am spelling, or copying and pasting that only this once, for the sake of my fingers he will B Matty Mac) is a lawyer who believes absolute that all are entitled to a fair defense. In face a superb defense, a role he relishes. Defending the undefendable. This has cost him much in his life, but hey at least he has his principals, and a Black guy to drive his Lincoln (ya, I wont even touch the question there, did I mention he wears a lil 50s hat too... No no jokes, moving on). His office is in the Lincoln backseat by the way. Anywho he eventually finds a client that will test his worth as a man, and as a lawyer.

Ok so did I make that sound like it sucked? Like you've seen it before? Like F Matty Mac? Well it was suppose to be all those things. Yet for some reason I found myself approaching this movie with a sense of hope. Much the way a child approaches a used bag of ruffles potato chips (PLUG!) hoping to find some delicious and crunchy remains. Part of that hope was that a few people actually let me know that the film had impressed them. People I trusted, people I knew to be thoroughly unimpressed with all of Matty Mac's ROMCOM shizzie (possible exception "How to lose a guy").

This is actually a very well written, and exciting, old fashioned (with a new twist) law film. I am sure that much of that goes to the original novel the film sprang from. I could definitely see places that the screenplay over looked back story and character development on a few key members of the supporting class. However that was the best choice, focusing on Matty Mac and the court room drama is what was needed. It's enough. Matty Mac is actually very good in this, as is the often underrated Ryan Phillipe (see "Franklyn" or "Way of the gun" if any of you ho Nuggets doubt me). Should not have been a complete surprise having suddenly remember his previous turn as a lawyer in " A time to kill". He is at home in this role and he makes it his own. Enough charm buried in his conflict to ensnare the passer by.

I will admit to loving Lawyer films, but so often they get lost in their own attempts to complicate, and complex up the drama. This is simple brain vs brain, evil vs good... winner take the verdict. I had a blast. The ending does leave a little to be desired, and seems a lil too convenient (I have my own band of merry drug dealing bikers) but... still F-U-N fun lol...

LAW FILM SCALE 3.75 out of five stars
MOVIE SCALE 3 out of 5 stars...

COURT is in session bitches!

Chucky B is out!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

SKI slope of doom

FROZEN (2010)

Remember the days when you could make a great, kick ass movie with a wad of bubblegum and your mama's second hand-handy cam. Ok me neither, but still, not every movie needed 100 million dollar budget, and computerized blood. Shout out to Savini! If you don't know who that is, its ok. Sad. But ok.
Well there is still a market for independent film making. Indeed with the growing number of big budgeted kaka, and Hollywood's growing dependence on the remake one could argue people are seeking out alternatives. Okay most of those people might be stoned university students, and middle aged people who have eight copies of the evil dead, but dammit it counts.
Frozen stands as the most vivid example of a success with near nothing but a great idea, and writing, and actors and ... well that's all you really... ok and directing. Simple plot... Boy and girl, and boys bestie go to ski/snowboard. They get left behind on a ski lift after the park is closed (quite believably actually). And realizing they will freeze before help arrives they try to find a way down from a chair suspended a good sixty feet from ground.
Sound boring? If so slap your damn self. The suspense is nerve shattering... You will cringe, and if you are not horribly desensitized by modern horror and Oprah, you will look away. The struggle these three go through as real people in a real situation with a camera never afraid to be unflinching is ... well REALLY SCARY.
I've heard a peer refer to this as "Will do for Ski lifts what Jaws did to the water" and they is right. I would bet money a few girlfriends talked boyfriends out of a ski trip after this flick. The gore (yes there is gore, how you ask? Go find out!) is fantastic. Brutally real... Its really a running theme with this flick.
This movie messed me up a little. Oh and Hollywood... pay attention to what a real freaking ending looks like.

After you watch this movie the following joke will make sense, till then sorry: If Hollywood had done this guaranteed in a few months we'd have trailers for the sequel... "Frozen: Ice Dances with Wolves"

A great movie. The performances are stellar... The line "That was the boy I was gonna marry" still gets me. I honestly think she deserved a nod somewhere from someone.

Movie scale: 3.5 out of five stars
horror/thriller scale: 4 out of five stars (points for originality, and simplicity)

-- Sincerely your fav white holmie
Chuck B. Boonsweet

Then sea Dwellers

ATLANTIS : The Lost Empire (2001)

Ok plot, if you are unaware of Atlantis. The legend/history goes as such. Super awesome city of long ago, was all advanced, and disappeared. So that's the legit part anyway... Enter Disney, and Atlantis had spaceships, and laser beams, and I think was populated by the extras from LILO and STITCH lol. So present day, a few thousand years after city went for a swim, bumbling science guy gets a mysterious benefactor to back his quest for fame, and the lost city. With a rag tag group of funny and colorful characters, they make there way past giant robot lobsters, fire bomb fireflies, and spear wielding Atlantians... (I should pause here if you are thinking how did they go from spaceships to spears, not sure something to do with a hidden glowing ball I believe) to the city itself.

That being said Boony loves this movie for a few reasons. This was one of two big budget Disney ventures into computer assisted animation that was not well received by the public (Reference the 150 million dollar flop that was the underrated TREASURE PLANET). Films that I thought along with another non Disney entry into the genre TITAN AE were actually very, very pretty, and fun.

Second... tremendous voice cast... Michael J Fox... Leonard Nimoy... James Garner (as a fantastic bad guy). and the dearly missed Jim Varney. Doyouknowwhatimean?

Lastly both my often indulged inner child and full grown man child thing Boony is now, agree, this movie is a blast. Some great one liners. Solid inside jokes... and memorable characters...

Maybe not one of Disney's most famous ventures. But a risky and expensive one, that I have thought since the first time delivers some of the most amazing visuals this side of CGI and 85 minutes of family enjoyment much warranted to see.

Movie scale : 2.5 out of five stars
Animated scale : 3.5 out of five stars