Sunday, December 30, 2007

What's the Rush?... I believe I Chan... Ha we'll go with that one

RUSH HOUR 3 (2007)

Chris Tucker is an annoying piece of shite (unless he just plays one... not sure). This is a fact, i don't think anyone would take the floor to defend him. However, some how he makes it work. Time and time again, from "Friday" to the "Fifth Element", and of course the two originators to the about to discussed film, "Rush Hour 1+2".

The recipe seems simple enough, have Chris Tucker yell crazy speak, have whoever is partnered with him on screen be cool headed, and do the work. And with Jackie Chan, he found a perfect yin to his yang. Now the first two movies were hardly Oscar bait, but they were fun. Just plain, smile for 2 hours, leave theatre feeling satisfied, fun. But in this, the third one, the streak comes to a cliche, kung fu knife tossin, end. It seems they spent so much time trying to get the contracts right, and the check books balanced, some one forgot you at least have to try... YOU AT LEAST HAVE TO TRY to write a damn film.

Plot: If you need it. Asians in trouble. Jackie and Chris most save day.

They still like us right Jackie, right?

So this is what you have... Brett Ratner does what he does, cool action scenes, big over the top fights and the like. And Jackie and Chris do what they do, problem is, my god, its like someone traced the blueprints of the previous two films, say for a Condo, and then built a sand castle. Analogy... works I think.

First, Chris Tucker is so over the top, you can't even pretend, with any stretch of the imagination that he could be capable of policing a urinal, let alone "The biggest criminal organization on the planet". In the first two films he somehow managed to come off, almost likable. By the end you had grown used to him, and he was a good guy after all. In this one, Just one retarded line after another. Including my favorite, Tucker is trying to talk the Captain into letting him back on the case, asking he forget the incident involving him detaining a group or Iranian scientists, because he thought, and still does, that they were terrorists.

I get how some people could enjoy it as pure comedy, but I mean, he's a cop. He has a badge, he is going to save the world...

Jackie Chan is good, as usual, but watching him let the villain go time and time again, through out the movie, because he has an "attachment" To him... spoiler, he's a street orphan who grew up with Chan... oh so that's why you let him go after he shoots one oh your oldest friends, who happens to be trying to bring down the bad guys... oh and that's why you can't kill him after he tried to slice you with a sword and kill the 18 year old daughter of your friend... ow, ow, ow, that would be the stupid bone in my left nut imploding.

And I'm sorry but at the end of this movie, the villain just pops up. I mean they leave the bad guys and the girl like half a mile away, and he just pops up... ta-da, finale time. 
I wanted to like this movie, I really did. And there are moments where you remember the original charm, and then much like the grasshopper, it gets crushed to smushy goo.
Jackie, you better rock my damn world with "The Forgotten Kingdom"... You, and Jet Li, I'm just saying, you got a hole you gotta dig yourself out of. The medallion, the tuxedo... Ow - ow - owwwwwwwwww.

Movie Scale 2 of 5 stars
action scale 2.5 of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - 1,2,3, strikes you're out at the ol' ball game. 

Be well, my peeps

What's that strange smell?...oh wait its that quiet killer guy


Gather Round Kiddies, turn off that knobby noise box thang, its time for you to view... tha review...

Okay, I do try to bring you some of the "off the beaten path" type entertainment shizzie that you, the throngs (I love that word, dangerously close to 'thongs', and that, is alright with Boonsweet), demand aside form the everyday, available in 80 copy three shelf filling blockbusters, at your local video rental provider. Today I give you a rather strange little big film.

So "Perfume" first got my attention through six degrees of Tom Tykwer, the director. And the six degrees meaning I like this guy, so what he makes might warrant my attention. Now I have only seen two of his other works the break neck paced "Run, Lola, Run" and the complicated little love story "The princess and the Warrior". I really liked both films, and they were quite different pieces of screen fill, so I saw this, with quite the eye catching cover I might add, his name on it, decided sure.

This is a weird movie. Original, violent, disgusting, beautiful, poetic... list goes on, I mean there is just so much shit thrown in, Boonsweet could've used a time out on the play rug to recoup.

Your plot is this - set a long time ago,  a child is born to a whore mother (who gives birth to him in a pile of fish heads, by herself, and cutting him free, leaves him to die in a scene that will severely mess up Boonsweet's ability to reproduce), finds himself in an orphanage, where he becomes aware of a gift... A super Human sense of smell. Growing up poor, unloved, etc., he falls into this world of smells. For the record there are no scenes with our hero, Jean-Baptiste, saving someone from death with his super power, no smelling the gun power in the keg under the governors chair... quite the opposite actually. He grows up from a strange boy, to a strange man. Eventually getting work as an assistant perfumer, and up the rungs, well a few rungs anyway. And finds interesting ways to get his smells.

Wait, what do you mean I can just grab a bottle of CKone?

The entire story is narrated by a voice with similarities to something you might hear in a Tim Burton flick, and this helps to create a real atmosphere to the film, not to mention help explain, when your head is starting to hurt. As our nose of power moves on, he discovers this one woman who has a smell unlike any he's ever smelt before... cue ominous tone, so he decides to find a way to preserve her smell... through death... Dun Dun DUNNNNN!

Well, it is 'the story of a murderer' now... so from there, the story moves rather quickly, with Jean-Baptiste on his quest for ultimate smells, killing, scent saving... and such.

I do not know fully, how I feel about this films ending, it is without a doubt one of the strangest I have seen, and the damned voice over only makes it more weird... but the more I think about it the more I think I might like it... might take another viewing for sure, but the ending does not, in this case, damage the rest of the film. It is beautiful to look at, I am sure the budget for this film was not great, but they stretch every penny, the directing is smooth, and never feels choppy, just follows behind the scene almost... Something Tommy has been perfecting for a bit. The music is what you would expect from a period piece, and the lead actor "Ben Whishaw", who i must confess i was not familiar with, was great, expect big things from Benny here. Though he might do with a change from his long resume of art house pics.

Overall, just one of the most original, spell binding films I have seen in  a while. It is worth a watch if for nothing more than watching someone react to the fish market birth ... ha... 

Movie Scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Weird/Drama 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - This movie smells awesome, because it is awesome. 

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Friday, December 28, 2007

Who's a Dummy... ?


Okay so dummies (also known as creepy dolls you can move by putting a hand up there sawdust free love hole) are scary. It's one of those things that can, if done right, always get a scare. Up there with clowns, cats thrown out of closets on cue... that sort of shizzie.

So a horror flick concerning a Dummy, with ties to some, or well, one, of the people associated with the "Saw" franchise seemed like it might be fun. Chuck B. Boonsweet loves his horror flicks. Blame the religious upbringing, blame growing up country, whatever, I love the stuff. So I get pissed right off when time and time again, a movie that had the possibility to really rock my freak loving mind, fails, and up top of that, lends itself to the disturbing trend of overly complex, flash sequence, what the heck just happen, endings... Well before we get to that lets make a review baby.

So first let me say, this movie will make you jump, a couple of times, and probably seriously nip rub your creep factor. All the tried tested and ever so over used horror plot points are here; Old town legend, wronged person seeks revenge from beyond the grave, check, big city cop doesn't buy it, check, old man in the town that knows the whole story, check, a nifty little rhyme that can be used for the straight to video sequels, check.

Say I'm scary. Sayit. Saaaaaaaay it!

The list goes on.

The cool thing is despite that, it somehow manages to get your attention. And hold it. The killer, a freaked out dummy and old lady combo appear to be the grand parents of the girl from "The Ring" because they kill people the same way, but whatever. It had me, Boonsweet the brave, feeling his spine hair rise a few times. Enough to allow me to overlook the rather crap script. I mean, if this was a straight to video, hey, maybe my expectations would allow some of the crap they try to get away with here... But this bitch made it to theatre, and the directing is good enough, even awesome at times, that you can't help but notice the flaws in everything else.

Eventually you are overcome by the confused plot, that as much as you are enjoying the scares and creepiness... you just find yourself waiting for the next cool crazy bitch appearance... and the tongue thing... well its fun.

Even as the end was approaching I found myself, really thinking, you know, heck, we're on the eve of a new year, if this thing has a killer ending, Boonsweet shall be kind... SONS OF BITCHES, sons of dammed movie crap punk write end movie junk.......So we get to the end, and you know that crap I mentioned earlier... at the beginning. Yeah so they explain the whole origin, person behind it all in the last 30 seconds in a blast of images, then bam credits...

Dear Hollywood, not every horror film you make has to have an ending obviously created for a sequel. They used to kill slashers off all the time in the 80s and they came back. Remember when Jason got machete'd to the face like 20 times by that crazy Corey from the Surreal life? And then he came back, by getting hit with lightening. No need for confusion. No need to give a long cut sequence... just end your damn movie on sense. Then invent a way to bring them back the next time I pay to watch dang movie.... thank you sincerely, Chuck Boonsweet.

movie scale 1.5 out of five stars
horror scale 2.5 out of five stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - Even if someone had their hand up my butt, I would not watch this again. 

- hey all the crap out there you can do worse, Ring Two anyone? And you will be creeped a few times.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Bruce, Mr. Willis, Bruno... he that shagged Demi... (evs, he's the man)

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)

Okay some ground rules here,

1. If you have not watched a die hard film before, stop whatever you are doing. Even if you are in the middle of a level three jungle love session with twins, of course if you can do that and surf the net... I do take a moment to congratulate you on your talents... but can you juggle hamsters? No, then eat face you arrogant f---.... Wow, that's some mad digression. Yes the "Die Hard" films of which there are three prior to this, are must watch material for any action fan, and you know probably a good time for any film lover.

2. Die Hard films are to the max, over the top villains, plots (with a slight exception to the first film), surviving body damage, whatever you can name, Die Hard will take it to the limit, just to entertain.

3. John McCain, our hero in this franchise, was obviously born with a high tolerance to injury, perhaps along the lines of the X-men's Wolverine. Though I do not mean to imply that he is a mutant. Okay, so If you have a problem with anything mentioned above, the following review is not for you... go jack your johnny to the Notebook... 

Moving on, so this is "Die Hard" #4, why they decided to change it to the annoying patriotic Live free or die hard, well, A none to obvious attempt to beg for more American attention. And yes you do get the obligatory flag shots, slow motion, wind, you know the type. But to be fair I knew it was coming, and considering the plot, i might even go so far as to say, I didn't mind it here.

So plot is, uber nerd terrorist, hires other less uber nerds to write a code that can end civilization as we know it. Why can't all knowing nerd write the code by himself who knows, its all good, and he has a hot Asian lady ninja sidekick. So bruce gets stuck in the middle between the bad guys and what they want, the last piece of evidence to their plot, a nerd that didn't know what he was doing (Justin Long). Bruce finds him, and the bad guys try every thing in the 'explosions R us' hand book to get him dead. And it is good old fashioned bullet effects awesomeness (again, is that a word, I said it before, if it feels good off the tongue, why the hell not, I'm Boonsweet bitches).

Hey Bruce, I'm the Mac guy. You think this is Microsoft's doing?

Bruce Willis is the best at making you really feel for his character, he's tough as nails, but sometimes hates what he has to do, but as he says "there's no one else". The action scenes are over the top, and delightfully so, i mean there are points your jaw is just hanging. I think my friend said it best, "I swear Chuck, there are two people that could survive this shit, John McCain, and Jesus". But I ask you would Jesus blow up a helicopter with a cop car? The answer is no.

The supporting cast holds their own. Justin Long as the side kick is awesome, and the perfect mix for Bruce. Bruce's daughter, hot, and much fun. And Good old Timothy Olyphant, as the villain, well needless to say he puts his heart into it.

This is the action buffs dream. Amazing long action scenes, great fights, kool hero, good sidekick, hot chicks, and so many Boom-Booms, i had to check my pants....
Pay attention for the "Warlock"(Kevin Smith), an awesome cameo, and if you count the same guy's cameo in animated form in "Superman vs. Doomsday" well he's getting around...

Movie scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action Movie scale: 4.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - Explosions are cool, this movie is cool. 

Live free bitches, 


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I am Legend... well you're at least a good campfire tale

I AM LEGEND (2007)

Okay so I not going to compare this film to the original material behind it. Boonsweet don't roll that way. A movie is a movie, it is either good or ka-ka, how closely it follows the book is hardly the only thing that makes it worthy. And I for one am sick of hearing about, "Oh my god Sherry, it good, you know, but they just left so much out that was in the book. Like there was this whole scene..." Blah blah blah, newsflash imaginary person Sherry, I don't give a shit about the paperback, I just paid 10+ dineros to be entertained... and was I?

The answer is yes. This movie is good. Not great but good. Gonna start with the core and move outward, Will Smith can act. This should come as no shock to most by now, but every once and a while it does seem to surprise me for some reason, maybe its the years of Fresh Prince, maybe it's how burger king flame-broiled my brain. I dunno, either way, he is good in this flick. And he has to be since it is the will smith solo show in this flick. A quick side, the Will Smith show, is not as emotionally satisfying as the Tom Hanks show (castaway), but then very different movies. Still, deserved to be mentioned.

So, due to that face, we assume the monster to the left is femail...

Your Plot: Monster type things now rule the planet in a post apocalyptic big city. Will Smith and his dog try to survive, while desperately trying to find another living person.

There are moments that will make you be moved, some, predictable as anything holly wood has uber-cloned in recent memory. Others genuinely surprising. The directing is very good, moving from slow emotional scenes to large scale new york trashed backdrops, and back for Zombie/vampire/human type creature violence action sequences. It all flows very smoothly. And you do find yourself drawn into the slow nature of the movie. The writing is good, some peeps wanna make doody over the whole, "well I didn't really get what happen, and what those people were". Well if you can't follow a Will Smith holiday adventure, just pull the trigger, and leave us to figure it out. Listen, the how isn't important. Big bad virus did it, as for the what happen to them, they got turned into monsters... do you need more? I don't, roll scene.

Now for my one big beef with this flick. You have a good actor, some awesome sets (shutting down new york for parts of this flick for sure), good direction, a cute dog, and have obviously spent a ridiculous amount on everything... why, oh why.... would you call the CGI casting agent from "The Mummy" for your 'creatures'. God, every time those things started chasing our hero, I just wanted to yell, what couldn't pay a make up artist to get some real people in this bitch! i mean CGI zombies work great in a cheese fun fest like "The Mummy"... but when needing real chills... real bodies help. Heck son, there's even a scene where the damn lead "infected" does the whole wide jaw yell thing... you know the scene in the Mummy, where Brendan Fraser yells at one of the skeleton Zombies. Looked like the same programmer got the Job... :)

And damn it folks, i am surprised at myself here, but I liked the ending. Definitely tied to some fun hidden images, throughout the film, like the Jesus butterfly thing  (another image in there the Superman/Batman film poster on the side of a building, awesome).
Overall, good movie, good acting, fun to eat popcorn to... worthy of legend, and/or Norse tales? No, but well worth the time and bill to enjoy.

Movie scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - Zombievampires that look like Mummy extras, but still some apocalyptic awesomeness. 

Lata bitches, 
I hope you all had merry holidays and such. Cake, Santa sex, whatever your traditions may be.

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Sunshine (on a rainy day)


Once again, I bring your insight into what is running through my entertainment loving mind. Today I give you, dear Booniacs, the order to watch "Sunshine". To be released on a very consumer friendly Jan 1st. So your ass is hungover, more than likely waking up next to someone that seemed kool approximately 5 and 3/4 hours ago, and now you are thinking about chewing your own arm off for but one taste of freedom. Ah hell, new years eve partying is fun, point is whether you're gonna do the whole whisper hey thing (you know you keep saying hey till they respond then make up some lie for why you have to leave that second), or your just gonna slowly try to roll off the bed... whatever your technique, once free, and fed... and afternoon napped, you'll be wanting some entertainment, well I have your entertainment bitches... the aforementioned, "Sunshine", directed by Danny Boyle.

Okay so this movie was basically released nowhere, perhaps you were lucky enough to come across it in some big ass metropolis that has theaters that show those "only in select cities" flicks, the rest of us got DE-right to the nuts-NIED. I saw the preview for this flick eons before it hit the big screen, and let me tell you kiddies, Charles Bartholomew Boonsweet was all ways of excited. And then nothing, vanished from the theaters, and no DVD release date in sight.

4k Be damned! 

But finally after months, I found a copy in cyberspace, and checked it out....
I was blown the heck away. Now Blurayness... Ohhhhh yeah.

Before i start let me say my expectations were high... same director, writer, music director, and star, that made "28 days later" (a severely kick ass flick), so the idea that those expectations could be met, and exceeded was Britney Spears crazy. But oh did they.

The plot goes - our sun is in the process of dying, the world is in a forever winter, soon be the frozen death. So a group of scientists are launched to re-ignite the sun. Needless to say, problems occur.

First as expected the music propels every scene, and the sets and shots do not let the score down. There are more than a few moments when you will feel your pupils widen. I don't think I will be giving anything away when I say that things go wrong, so very, and the mission becomes more and more dire. But the ways that this happens, and how it slowly builds until you're traveling at break neck speed emotionally and haven't even realized it.  This is a movie of two parts, the first a real emotional developing tale of heroes, the last chance for humanity, and their struggles to complete the mission. The other half, is a jump filled, nail bitter... Ya. It almost goes horror on you here near the end.

This is just to show you some pretty... Oh its pretty. 

There are moments of predictable sacrifice, but man, I really cared for the people by the time it happen. Tears? No. Warmth in the chest, yes. Boonsweet's got a soft spot for heroics. And as the ending approached i was scared, the kind of scared i always have when a movie I have really enjoyed is nearing the end, and I'm just, please don't you screw me, don't you stupid ending screw me... No not Mr. Boyle, as with trainspotting, and 28 days later, god the ending fits. And I got off my couch, so freaking happy, and satisfied. 

I can not wait to watch this movie in High Def, or blu ray, on a big ass TV, God its pretty.

Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars
SciFi movie scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - I've got Sunshine on a rainy day (rainy day in this instance meaning all the crappy space flicks)

Sunshine, find it, watch it, you will not be disappointed... well so says Boonsweet.

Chuck Boonsweet

Monday, December 17, 2007



A-low, you wank junkies... brush the Doritos off the plaid PJs, and buff that "personal" stain out... Boonsweet has something on his mind... Ninjas.

If you're like me you have noticed something lacking in the world of modern entertainment. Like a hole where the heart used to be in the flesh husk of pop culture (ah, making words sound swell is the bestest)... where in the hell have ninjas been. I mean, okay, occasionally we get pretty swordplay (crouching tiger, hidden dragon), kool kung fu beat downs with heart (fearless), or some twist-cancer filled, coulda been awesome, one on one flick (War), but none of these are ninjas. No full body suit, with a sword on your back. No awesome throwing stars that seem on endless supply from the storage space of the ninja belt.

It seems as well that we have been over run by Ninjists (those with prejudicial and ignorant views of the Ninja race). I mean, shit, you bitches remember the 80s. Ninjas were freakin every where. Droppin from buildings, surrounding white Asian trained cops, circle beating teenage turtles. I watched TV for a full 47 minutes yesterday, and did not see one Ninja. I was like, screw this noise. I'm going outside and kicking some one in the face.

things... are about to get weird. 
Side note, um, some ideas, though sounding good at the time, result in, well, less than satisfying results. Moral, do not kick random passers by in the face, in an effort to fill any ninja void... 
There is a better option; Me bitches. And my Ninja flick pick of the week.

This weeks ninja pick... "Shinobi: heart under blade (2005)" Asian, with english subs (though I believe it is available dubbed)

Alright so why this movie is awesome, first it has full out, old skool Ninjas, doing ninja stuff. Like throwing knifes, stars, and little pole things... not really sure what we call those. Jumping, kicking, and the like. Second, if you have seen Ninja Scroll (though not a current Ninja flick of the week selection, it should be a Ninja flick of your life choice), you will dig this flick. They obviously drew a lot from that anime, even having a female Ninja "Kagero" who's power is in poisons. She kills peeps with sex, kissing, all that personal contact shizzie. Thirdly, super Ninja showdowns. I love showdowns. And this movie has some sweet ass show downs.

Guess I should mention some plot here, basically Romeo and Juliet, if they were from rival super Ninja clans. Due to some evil normal humans, the top five from each clan set out to fight and kill each other. Each Ninja has there own distinct power, Love of death, arm string things, masquerade...etc... Watching some of the fights is crazy. I mean its Asian computer effects, hardly the matrix, but you know, it looks good enough to not distract you from the uber awesomeness of Ninja duelling.

And for the most part the movie is battle to battle. It is Asian however so of course, as with any Asian flick you know you're running a 50/50 that you'll have to witness some over the top melodramatic ending to an otherwise kick ass flick. No escaping it here. Its like, ok turn down the suck, turn back up the fu.

But cute chicks, some pretty cool effects, and kickassness.  So find it, enjoy it, and dust off the Katana.

ONE LINE REVIEW - Chop-tacular!

Movie scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Ninja scale: 4.5 out of 5 stars

-Chuck Boonsweet

Friday, December 14, 2007

An introduction to Boonsweet

So you wank junkie pop culture addicts, tired of leisure fat cat review, and rubberband band wagon surfers... you damn well should be. And I for one, say no more bitches. No more.

I am Charles B. Boonsweet, and this is your resource, you salvation, your de-illusion, does that word exist, who F---ing cares... I'm Boonsweet, I do what I want. So Now that your blood is rushing to your sensitive areas, and you're getting all excited under your batman underoos... and/or bra, you know... shout out to my ladies, what is it I do. I review, I dismember (only content not people...well okay once, but I was going through an experimental stage... and... I digress)... Music, movies (some of which will contain ninjas), trend, celebrity... what ever strikes me, and my partner (introduction to follow shortly), to lend our considerable knowledge of awesome too... 

Want to know more about me, well, maybe... one day... for now, know this... I am awesome... but not in the annoying in your face over the top way... more chill, like wicker chair awesome... sit bitches... sit.


Chuck Boonsweet