Thursday, June 19, 2008

This Boy loves Mandy Lane


Brace yourselves folks, are you sitting, strapped, popcorn, and pop porn in hand... Finally I give you a kick ass Horror flick. And not just any, no computer ghosts here, no twisting plot that you need 47 flashbacks at the end to understand. A good old fashion, American made, slashfest. How many times have we, the slasher fans, had to endure a film with some critics review slapped across the cover "Move over Freddy, and Jason"... or "Finally, the next great American slasher". Only here's the thing, Freddy, Jason, Michael, they're all still here because ain't no one showed up to steal their shoes let alone replace them. However, this I promise, will be a horror flick that makes the rounds, and is still on any respectable horror fans shelf in 30 years.
This flick rocks. Mandy Lane is the most beautiful, and wanted girl in her school. For the duration of high school every boy has tried, unsuccessfully to hook up with Mandy Lane. Some to extremes ending with loss of life. Finally, the last big party of the summer, to be held a rich kids ranch, she agrees to some out, and hang with some of the most popular kids. All the guys of course taking bets, and measuring cocks to see who will be the one to finally get her. So, they show at the ranch. And proceed to get all kinds of intoxicated. A big tough ranch hand keeps them out of trouble (shooting snakes before they can bite the guests, hanging out in the cabin by the house, that sort a shizzie). Then someone shows up, and the popular kids start dying, oh do they die, as the killer makes his way to Mandy Lane.
Yeah you're right not the most original plot, but it is somehow. It feels different then every other straight to DVD slasher. The acting here is better than the norm, the ladies, especially Mandy Lane, are smoking, the kills are fun as hell. And the writing is fantastic. Not once in this flick did I feel like the characters were forced, or unnatural, the conversations really felt like the crap I trade over drinks with my friends. Also, I owe this film so very much for introducing Boony to the term, "Smarty-cunt"... So sweet. 
I loved every minute of this flick. It had me from the opening credits. The direction is great, never feels like a low budget flick, they work every dollar. Soundtrack is on. The humor is on. What can I say, as a horror/slasher fan, I am giddy as hell. Even a few twists and such in there that will stretch that "horror loving one to many remakes" frown upside down.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Horror/slasher scale 4.5 out of 5 stars

There is hope slasher fans, of course we all still have to deal with the "Friday the 13th" remake on the way... but yeah "Halloween" turned out pretty good....
Slash you later bitches


Mad Maxine


Do you love violence? Mindless chaos? Over the top futuristic lands of cannibals? If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, then I give you Doomsday. Okay, so here's your plot; Plague breaks out, in order to protect the population of England, the government sends the all the sick peeps to Scotland, then builds a big ass wall around the country to keep the sickies in. 30 years later somehow there are survivors in Scotland, how no one knows, but seeing as how the deadly virus has suddenly returned in the over populated, England, someone's gonna have to roll in and find that cure, if there is one.
So we send in Rhonda Mitra, as the bad ass, mechanical eyeball poppin', just graduated from the Ripley school of rockin' heroines, military chick. She is every bit believable as the main character, attractive, but with just enough toughness to allow her to smile at the camera one minute, and rip a head off the next. Once she gets in she finds that of course, in 30 years, civilization within the wall has become full of Cannibals, motorcycles, leather, and spiked sticks. I personally would like to believe it would take a little longer than 30 years, but whatever, I ain't survived a post-apocalypse yet, so me no judgey. It takes her team about 7.2 minutes to get dismantled, then she's on her own... from there we have, violence in just about every form. Dismemberment, decapitation, a Knight showdown (kid you not), vehicular manslaughter, and the list goes on... and on.
Neil Marshall (otherwise known as the nobody that directed the slightly overrated "The Descent" and is now a somebody) has a real flare for the chaos, and puts more than a few "Smile it's so bloody" moments in there, that will appeal to any and all action fans. They really don't try to hide the intent here, remake "The Road Warrior" with a female lead, plot doesn't really matter, and kill a bunch of stuff". That's it. You don't like the sounds of that, I promise you won't like the movie. The writing, what little of it there is, is hardly anything but a mild excuse for the bloodshed... Although Malcolm McDowell is in the house, so points. And there are more than a few moments when you might ask something like "Okay how did the bentley drive through an exploding bus undamaged?". People if you have read this review, and got all smiley, went out and rented it, then you should be shot for asking such questions...
No place in film, or action film history here, but a lot of fun... Great flick to drink a few of the beers to and... actually sure with a little effort you could come up with a drinking game... Every time a barbaric person puts a hand up in the air and screams, 2 shots tequila, every time someone loses a body part, 2 shots whiskey, every time female lead gives camera a bad ass wet hair look, 3 shots vodka... and so on. Now ol' Boonsweet here, hardly endorses that sort of thing... But you know... if you legal, and with proper supervision... You will get wrecked.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Action scale 3 out of 5 stars

Brain dead bloody fun...

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Whip it... Whip it good


Two decades of "will they, won't they", finally comes to close with the dream team (Harrison Ford, Spielberg, And George "anything to avoid more star wars conventions" Lukas) returning for the fourth installment in the Jones story. 
So this time around an aging Dr. Indiana Jones gets caught up with Russians, circa 1957, who are on the hunt for an ancient relic. He of course gets away in a flurry of explosions, and whip cracking, and after meeting a boy (Shia "I'm with Steven" Labeouf) with a map, and a mother in trouble sets out to find the "Crystal Skull", with evil commies on his tail. Old friends are reunited (Karen Allen from Raiders of the Lost Ark shows up... ) Anyway, this flick is hellafun (no idea is that's still the hip phrase, if it ain't, screw it, boony says it is bitches). Don't expect the grand story of "Raiders" or "The Last Crusade", but it is a really good time. Stunts everywhere you look, sword fights atop jeeps, Tarzan monkeys, big alien things... Oh, damn I said it. Aliens. In an Indy movie. It is a lot to swallow, and I know a lot of folks have been having issues with it, but really the story is the typical, Indy and friends follow clues, and dodge booby (hee hee .... booby... ) traps, just so happens, well there's aliens.. ha, didn't ruin it for me. Though seriously you will be shaking your head at the end, going "Seriously, did I need to see this... no", but then they throw in a little feel good last few minutes, so all is well.
Harrison still held it down, no doubts, he is the man. I liked that they didn't try to hide his age, rather embrace it, make it part of the story. And with a few touches on the originals, and his father, kept the story lines intact rather well... unlike the damn episode 1, 2, and 3... but I digress... No need one more... Damn U Lucassssssss! And I'm good. I like Star Wars too, just saying. Shia is a nice addition to the cast, and holds his own quite well, and Steven can make you smile watching an action scene let me tell you. 
Great summer fun, for the whole family. 
Overall, I'd say on par with "Raiders of the Lost Ark", better than "Temple of Doom", and no match for "The Last Crusade". If only someone had told Steven he didn't have to fit Close Encounters into the damn thing ... ha... ah well 

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
action/blockbuster scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars

I got my whip, my leather, and 10 dollars... Boony is getting dangerous tonight... hells yes