Saturday, December 5, 2009

THE NINJA MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!! (Probably) December '09


I love ninjas. I have made no attempt at hiding this. It has been a sad time for mainstream ninja flicks. Do you remember the days of American Ninja, and the parade of similar entries (I mean American Ninja 4, Ninjas on rollerblades... priceless). Finally we have NINJA doom dealing in your local cinema, and sweet hell is it awesome.

Okay first. I have read many reviews hating on the CGI blood splatter, limbs, etc. Listen people, purists whatever, I love real old fashion make up and blood packs, but we need to accept those days are done. Hell even the legend Romero has moved on. And yet all these haters are still waiting for it to return... IT"S GONE. Accept it, it shouldn't determine your love of the film. And any movie that has six dismemberment deaths (arms, half face, legs, etc) in the first five minutes deserves attention.

Plot do you need any? Boy raised by Ninjas, falls for Ninja girl, they mess her up. He makes it a mission to kill them all. Did I mention old school flashbacks to explain it all? Goosebumps? You should. First the Ninjas in this movie move how they should, they hide in shadow, move faster than normal man (including one show down where they actually blink out and reappear they are moving so fast). There is so much violence I can't even fit it all in here, I will just say ... Yes.... YEssssssssssssssssssss. The lead is played by an actor/singer who is the JT of Asia. And he holds it down. The guy trained for like eight months or something for this flick, and he makes the roll work, hard. The actions scenes are a ballet of blood and weapons. Some fights as many as twenty on one. Ninja stars flying everywhere... You get the picture. The choreography is awesome. Produced by them Matrix boys you could expect as much.

This is pure popcorn crunching fun. For the boys, or the blood horny ladies... oh they do exist.
I left the theatre with my hands raised... in my mind...
Can not wait for a sequel, here's hoping.

movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Action movie scale 4 out of five stars.

Glorious? Um... Okay...


Quentin Tarantino is one of the last mainstream film makers to continually create entertaining works of art. No matter what the project, he has a certain feel to his films that excite and involve you. Weather its the dialogue, the acting (which he always seems to pull forth even from unknowns), the action (mind-bottling, yes i said that intentionally, Kill Bill anyone). Even in an instance when he shots one scene in a film (I.E. Sin City) the scene stands apart from the rest. You know it's his, and it feels good.

This film was ten years in the making. So I was expecting a lot. Maybe that went against it. All the mainstays of QTs work are here. Razor sharp speak, intensity the likes of which directors can call up, brilliant acting. Violence, insane levels of stomach turning violence (though rather sparse, when they happen its nuts, in example "The choking). Here's where this film falls down, the ending. It's almost as if you can see the part where he was unsure what to do so he just said kill everyone make it look cool, and end film.

The story is two fronts. A group of Nazi killers (headed by the very talented Brad Pitt) who hunt and kill dem nasty Nazi folk. And a girl seeking revenge for her family's death. The villain is a German detective, named the "Jew hunter" and he is very, very good at his job. The first scene of the film is hold your breath intense. It has been a while since we saw a villain like this on screen. One of my favorite villains is Phillip Seymour Hoffman in MI3 (if you haven't watched it yet do to Cruise hatred, watch it) and he makes that guy look like Jafar. As the movie moves forward you can since the impending clash of paths. Only, funny story it never happens.

The cool, balls out American, never has his showdown of wits with the detective. The girl never gets to really live her revenge. Everything just ends in crazy violence. This is not a "Based on true events" was film. So there was so much room to play here. So much. Instead QT seems to get involved to much in his intense dialogue and not in the structure of the plot around it. I'm sorry but you build a villain up like this... and then waste him like he did... it's criminal. Another QT thang is his music. It's always hip and cool. But he layers intense war drama with sound and tricks that feel better suited for Kill Bill and not this. It could have worked had he really gotten into the showdowns, and had a lot of spaghetti fun with the climax. Instead its just death. I mean Hitler... HITLER... didn't even get thirty seconds... W... T... F... that's right I have resorted to instant messenger language... FML.

In closing. Cool flick... great performances... but once you wipe the polish off. And that it's QT and we love him... there is so much more this could have been. SO much more.

movie scale 2.5 out of five stars
Action Drama scale 3 out of five stars.

I think you'll enjoy it, in a way, chat wise, might be some of his most realized creations, and yet... the blah ending.

And so says the Boonsweet for what that's worth... lol hahaha

Peace bitches

Thursday, November 19, 2009

NINE out of ... well something other than ten

NINE (2009)

I was pumped for this movie. I saw the short, then Tim "The freaky maestro" Burton got his hands on producing a full length feature with that guy with a name I will not attempt to spell here due to type laziness that made NIGHTWATCH, DAYWATCH, AND WANTED.

Nine dolls wake up in a world of dead people, destroyed cities, and sleeping robots. With the exception of a few creepy demon bot things. Their was a war, man lost to the machines, and then then turned off. Or shut down. Or decided to take a vacation. Who knows. I don't and I watched the damn thing.

First I think this film has UP going against it. Having watched it after watching that, it was hard to see it as anything other than beautiful crazy. It looks cool. The idea is solid. Creepy little voodoo dolls the last living things on the planet. The problem is that the further we get into what they might try to call plot, the less you enjoy yourself. Its just bad. The big reveals are built up brilliantly than fail to live up, at all.

This is not for the kids, at least the young kids. There are some genuinely dark moments, violent, and just dead creepy. Its for us big kids, the issue is they forget the cool aspect while chasing the end. It's almost as if they just kept writing with little to no idea how it was going to end, and then they just do it.

Without spoiling too much plot, all nine are meant to do something, so then why are there only five at the end. And why can we see there spirits, and does the green spots in the rain really explain anything like the final shot suggests it does? No, No, nononononononononononononono. I am an avid film goer, obviously, and I was able to kind of fill in some of the blanks, but not enough to enjoy the experience.
Very cool idea... wasted on the climax.

Boony sad... I shall feed this void with chips....

Movie scale 2 out of five stars
animated scale 2 out of five scales

Not for the kids, a big let down for the adults. Just rent OPEN SEASON, UP, RENAISSANCE, FINAL FANTASY: ADVENT CHILDREN, and well get ready for the PRINCESS AND THE FROG first big screen cartoon since LILO AND STITCH whoop whoop.

-Boony out

... And away

UP (2009)

At some point in time Pixar became more than fodder for the imagination and giggles of children. I'm not exactly sure when. Perhaps with the underwater character development in FINDING NEMO. It could have been the perils of family, and the surrendering to the 9-5 in THE INCREDIBLES. Hell them boys at Pixar can even wrap a whole multitude of message in a five minute short (the theatrical short featured before UP, and on the DVD is no exception). Here's what makes Pixar just plain better: Story. They can make you laugh, they can make your children laugh, and they can move you, to the point you are at war with the lump in your throat. WALL-E was a turning point for me (as you can see in my long ago post) that was the point I walked out of the theatre and said to myself, "Did Pixar just rip my heart out with a nifty little tale out how our consumerism, and lack of connection could lead to our doom?" Why yes they did, yes they did.

UP is heavy. The story goes as such. Boy meets girl, falls in love with girl, marries girl, grows old with girl. And then after she passes on (yes death, one of the many lovely adult upgrades Pixar threw in here for kicks, and by kicks I mean spoon munching your heart) he then proceeds to dodge the retirement home by flying his house to another country by way of a thousand balloons tied to his roof. Sound crazy, over the top, silly, it is. It's all that and more. The one thing that just floored me about this movie was the imagination. To even fathom connected such heavy content with the story of an old man in a flying balloon house... I mean W-T-F. Yes I do use the msn from time to time, Stop ya damn hatin.

The kids will catch some of it, but not all of it. There is a lot here for the adults. Which brings me to another thing Pixar has mastered, making a film children and adults can enjoy on two different levels, and yet together. They don't need cheap over the kiddy head sex jokes, and one liners, they use intelligent structure. Simple imagery. That us grown ups get, and the kids clap.

My jaw was floored a few times at the beauty of the flick. It was just so over the top I couldn't believe I felt a tear crawling up the old Boony throat hallway. But there it was.

You will laugh many many times in this movie. Giant crazy birds, talking dogs, fat Asian camp kids, has it all. In my mind one of the best films of '09. With Oscar expanding to ten nominations (after realizing that snubbing public loved films like THE DARK KNIGHT was murdering their ratings) I would be surprised if they don't give this one some attention. It deserves it. If for nothing else the sheer magnitude of the creators limitless limits... wait... that don't sound right.


Movie scale 4 out of five stars
Animated movie scale 5 out of 5 stars (you will not be disappointed)

For the record. I still think there is something about WALL-E that will keep it my number one Pixar film ever... but who knows what they have coming, and UP was damn close. I might even say the better story. I just loved that damn lovable hunk of garbage processing bot.

-Chuck Boonsweet saying duck!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Falling in

THE FALL (2006)

You know those movies that you've been told to watch forever, and you just don't. For no reason in particular. And then when you do, they were so damn right, and you're all like, "what the hell took me so long?"
This is that movie for me.

First let me say this, this film is beautiful. Unbelievably beautiful. Directed by Tarsem (the man behind THE CELL), you could expect nothing less. If you are interested in the art of film, the structure of scene, and the placement of color, and actor, this is your movie. Brilliant. It is rare these days to witness a film that doesn't take the easy road out to dazzle your mind. No big computer effects, and cheap react 3D scenes. This is time, and a love for what is Cinema. A means to move you from your living room to another plane, or simply wrap within your imagination. Its all this.

A man sits in a hospital bed, suicidal. He befriends a young girl. Who I tell you is unfreaking believable. You will not be able to catch the young girl acting. I'm not even sure if she knows she's in a movie, she is that good. I felt my heart strings being pulled, any parent will succumb, prepare yourself. He entertains her with a tale pulled from the recesses of his mind. As they journey through the story, a second tale, in the real world unfolds, The two become intertwined, and eventually the lines between begin to blur.

I will not debate the story. It almost feels unimportant. The acting is so great, and the movie is so much fun to watch, I honestly didn't care. As a critic can i say that? Well it's not like I'm legit, or get invited to the damn meetings... so screw them...I do what I want yo! Sorry... just came out like that.
However... the story, and when it comes to conclusion, it might just take your breath away a little. Have you seen Memento? If you have you might have a slight idea what you're in for ...

movie scale 4 out of 5 stars - I can't give it lower than that. Find a friend with hi-def... Break out the medicine cabinet... I mean... Um... crap. Chips... I meant chips... yeah... smoke some chips... :)
Drama scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Gorgeous... must watch for any true fan out the art form that is ever so seldom remembered in today's tech obsessed silver screen society

-Charles Boonsweet saying... No means no, unless she is smiling and her eyes are closed... and then it means... "*&%$#45^^& me"

Not another Teen movie... wait I mean... Well ok kinda is


Teen comedies have been around for a long time, because they are funny, and sometimes even when they are unfunny but still have boobies, and teens in rowdy sexual misadventures. Oh no... my parents caught me touching my microphone... gosh what to do.. There are some glorious mainstream entries that stand the test of time: Animal House, Porky's, American Pie, The New Guy (yes I don't know why but it holds a special place in my heart), and a few others. Will BETH COOPER be in that category? I don't know.

First I loved the book, LOVED the book. And yes I hate everyone that constantly reminds you that the book was better than the movie blah blah. I mean seriously does anyone out there that enjoys HARRY POTTER and has never read a page of it need to hear one more douche saying "Oh my God they left so much out", or... well shit... you know dammit. So I will say this, the book was a great, if not, one of the funnest teen nerd chase hot girl stories ever. Written by Larry Doyle (a former mainstay on the Simpson writing staff) we could hardly expect less. So I was excited for this movie. Also Larry Doyle wrote the screenplay, so I got a little more excited. And then Hayden "I love you so much that it makes my other celeb crushes jealous" Panettiere was picked up to play Beth cooper, and I was mad wicked nipple hard excited.

So story is as such- Nerd is a nerd, steps up to give graduation speech, declares undying love for most popular girl who doesn't even know he exists. Her Boyfriend gets it in her head to crush the life from his bones. She thinks he's kinda sick, weak, cute, and let the teen comedy commence. First this is every teen movie you have ever seen. I watched this as I would a slasher flick. You know whats coming but is it good at the delivering, and the answer is yes. The plot is nothing new, but how they do it is. This is not a fairy tale teen comedy. There are actually a few moments of real. Like the geek realizing that the girl of his dreams is actually kinda normal, if not even slightly a hoe. It does cause confusion in his wet dream crush matrix.
... and as for the book... a pretty true translation. A few small differences that I missed, but all the big stuff was there... The towel fight scene was definitely satisfying. Trust me. I haven't seen that level of wet cloth man smacking in years...

This movie is cute... it's fun... and Hayden really is hot. The geeks here are not Hollywood cute geeks. They're real, and they are just in a hapless situation and in over their acme covered heads.

A guilty pleasure. I hope you guys enjoy it for what it is... bubblegum comedy with a few great one liners, and some decent acting by the two leads. Be warned some of the situations are so geek covered you might actually look away, and not because its gross... just because they really are that socially awkward.

movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Teen Comedy scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

I enjoyed the fact this film did not rely on gross out humor... not that I have a problem watching STIFLER drink the cum beer... but really, a nice change.

Boony is out this here piece fools!

Monday, October 19, 2009

A bite outta that mainstream


So you know what sucks about Zombie movie? Big budgets, computerized gore. It might be the most evidently miss used sub genre in all of Hollywood. Instead of understanding that you don't need millions in computerized blood, and explosions (yes one of the rare times I will hate on explosions) and so on, and so on. They continue to crap out the same tired attempts to reinvent the genre, when funny story, the genre keeps on freaking ticking all on its own.

Still every once in a while you need to remind the world Zombies ain't going nowhere... And if they Woody (where the hell you been) Harrelson will kick there human eating asses.

Zombie fans rejoice, this is for you. Movie fans that hate Zombie movies, you might just jump on this one.

So story is simple. Zombies took over. White boy with a fro (Jessie "I like to play one type of person" Eisenberg) has survived with a wonderful and entertaining list of rules. He meets a cowboy hat wearin Zombiemesserupper with a twinkie fetish. Together they kill Zombie and debate life, and the state of the world. They meet a hot Sister and her younger sister. And through a trying and back stabbing course of events hit the road together... Chaos ensues... a kick ass celebrity cameo happens, and well dead people get F'd up. Really, really, messed up.

Woody rocked this role. Fifteen minutes into the movie I was wondering where the hell he's been. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of him in the near future. Emma Stone looks damn good in this movie (as does Amber Heard in a small but visually rewarding role) she really seems to be coming into her own as the hot sidekick/female lead. Look for her to pop up perhaps to toss her name in the vacant "scream queen" sweepstakes. Jesse is good really, but much like Michael Cera, they don't so much act as take roles made for them. It works though. Basically imagine the dude from "ADVENTURELAND" with a gun, and a body count.

One more thing to add... I liked this more than... yes hold you breath... Shaun of the dead. I know, shocking, but here's why:
SHAUN OF THE DEAD was funny. Too funny, as in silly. I had a great time, but I never really felt any peril for the characters involved, it was just too much slapstick. I like the film yes, much, but I would consider more of a straight comedy. Zombieland manages to create, dare I say it, a more realistic feel. Yes there's humor but it seems to fit within the story rather than defining it. There was real emotion here, and peril. This are normal people dealing with the end of the world.

Movie scale 3.5 out of five stars
Horror/comedy scale 4 out 5 stars

Grab your popcorn... this is the smash the summer blockbusters should have been.

-Chuck B. Boonsweet

Monday, October 5, 2009

Frickin Candy Bitches!


Best horror movie I seen in a damn long while. Best mainstream horror movie I have seen in the last few years period (wait if I put a period after the word period is that.. Ah screw it)

Okay so here's a fun story. So Michael Dougherty is Bryan Singer's pal. He writes X2, superman returns... etc. Then comes up with this sick little horror flick. Bryan Singer producers, Bam! Movie gets made. Hype is decent there's even a trailer that drops... and then POOF no release. Movie sits for whatever reason on some dusty film studios shelf...

I have never wanted to burn down Hollywood more, this movie freakin rocked my horror lovin socks.

The story is set around the a small town on Halloween. Four stories; A crazy kid killing principal, a virgin with a group of fairy tale dressed hoes (yes as hot as you can fathom), a group of kids on an urban legend adventure, and crazy old man, are all woven together over the night. I can't go into too much detail without spoiling plot, and as you, my loyal readers know, ol' Bonny don't swing that way, unless the flick sucks.... in which case I of course consider it my sacred duty to protect you from certain brain injury at the hands of film makers run amok... it's not exactly saving kittens, but I think it still counts.

The directing is tight, Doughtery shows a real love from classic horror. There are camera nods to Black Christmas (the original, not the blood soaked, plot thin remake, also if you haven't seen the original... slap yourself) Child's play, and so on. The CGI is minimal, I counted one scene I believe, the rest is all old school makeup. (deep sigh) Really brings a tear to your eye. The acting is good. Even get this, real kids playing kids. I know... still when I see teenagers who happen to be teenagers as opposed to wrinkly twenty somethings that look like they smoked since they were twelve, been sexing it up since nine, and have about three layers of foundation on. Hollywood Y'all. This movie kept me guessing, laughing, and pretty much lovin myself for most of the movie,

Also... (drum roll) it actually caught me a few times really having no idea what to expect... none. I bow to you writer/director guy. The fact that Bryan Singer had something to do with this makes me hate him slightly less for his Superman debacle.

Okay Boony's bottom line. If you are not a fan of horror. Stay away that simple. This is not for you. If you like horror, if you like jumping, being brain bitch slapped, and giggling at comedic delivery amidst violent and twisted chaos... this is for you. Horror fans rejoice... there might be hope for Hollywood yet... oh wait they let this sit in a back room for a year and a half... and now its going straight to DVD. Never mind.

movie scale 3 out of five stars
horror scale 4.5 out of five stars (my highest rating yet to a horror entry!)

P.S. Not saying greatest horror flick all time... no, no, but from what I reviewed since I started... it is.

Chuck Boonsweet is saying protect your nuts, they make the babies... Um... and to the ladies... Ah... I got nothin, but you're awesome dammit.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Still Chill

ICE AGE 3 (2009)

Those of you with allergic reactions to cute will not be able to watch this film.
Also anyone suffering from
1) Cute stress fraction arm sensitiveitis
2) High cute related blood pressure coma
3) Spontaneous overcute eye explosion
and several over cute to pain diseases... stay away. So very far away. This film is so cute I smiled like I had kids. Several.
One thing the makers of the ICE AGE films have always understood about big flashy summer computer animated blockbusters, is that they are big flashy summer movie blockbusters. They don't have to make any real sense, or hide deeper meanings, no gross statements about our impending consumerism related doom (I loved Wall-e just saying). Its simple. Make it bright, fun, cute, and slip in a bunch of adult humor to get the parents less pissed about being surrounded by a theatre of screaming kids.
This movie was in 3D in theatre does that matter? No. Moving on.
So our favorite survivors of the ICE AGE are back. Manny (voiced by Ray Romano) the mammoth is expecting his first child with girlfriend Ellie (Queen Latifah). Side note, can you imagine the babies Ray Romano and the Queen would make in real life...
Damn my grandkids just puked...
And so we continue.
Sid the sloth finds baby Dino eggs, decides he wants to be a Momma (so many things wrong with that), and takes them. They hatch and turn out to be Baby T-rexes. Chaos ensues, small dinos are playfully almost digested, and the like. Then big Momma shows up and drags them and Sid back to the underground world of the Dinosaurs. Enter one of the funnest characters yet, Buck Voiced brilliantly by Simon Pegg), an eye patch wearing... well not really sure what he is, who guides them through the perils of the new Dino world to Sid.
Thought it all we learn a few messages about friendship, or baby making, or you're only old if you feel old, or whatever really. Big Dinos. Some of the funniest one liners;
-It's a boy
-That's her trunk
-Its a girl
Trust me... there's giggle in spades. Watched the sabertooth tiger do the burning paw dance cracked me up. And the cute is so damn CUTE. The little T-rexes are nothing but lovable. I might even hug the jeep chasing Grampa rex in Jurassic Park after this.

Family flick scale 4 out of 5 stars
Movie scale 3 out of five stars.

Its good fun.
Brings kids or
Drugs.... I mean or friends... and chips...
Yeah chips.

-Charles B. Boonsweet is signing.... wait... wait the nut hunting squirrel. Oh... its good... nuts... woman... couch moving...

Lata you ice sucking fiends

King Of the B flick Period


Bruce Campbell is the biggest film star 67% of you have never heard of. Further surprising to that percentile, other than his existence, might be the near godlike worship that the 26% of he remaining 33% exhibit towards the man. Deadites as they are commonly referred to ( a name based on his cult classic EVIL DEAD trilogy). We (yes I am in that category) have followed this man for years . He has a knack for appearing in some of the dumbest (the man with the screaming brain) to the strangely brilliant (Bubba Ho Tep) but somehow he always makes it interesting.
So amidst low budget film superiority, what do you do to top your cheese filled, gore drenched, sci fi familiars? You make a self bashing movie in which you play yourself. A would be movie star, driving a shit mobile, and living in a shack where you drunk call your ex, who happens to be shaggin your agent.
This film is filled with great cameos, and it is made for Bruce fans, unapologetically. This is by Bruce for you. He wrote it and directed it, and unlike the MAN WITH THE SCREAMING BRAIN, its really, really cool.

Plot - Small town under siege from old school Asian demons. A Bruce obsessed fan is convinced he is the only one that can help. The town is desperate so they get behind his plan to kidnap the clueless Bruce. He arrives, half drunk, and pissed. Deciding the whole thing is a birthday prank from his agent, he goes along with it. Getting drunk with the rednecks, and seducing the bar maid. The trouble starts, or continues, when he realizes its all real... and he's the only one acting.

The film is fun. Insider giggles all around. There is a chance someone who has never seen at least three Bruce flicks might enjoy this. There is plenty of giggle cheese (goes great with chuckle crackers), and horror B greatness (the lovely beheadings). By this is for us the followers of a cult icon.

Horror/comedy scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

I still think if you dig ghouls and one liners... you might just get something out of this. But trust in the Boonsweet, if you are a Bruce C fan you must watch... hell you probably already have...

Chuck B is out this peace!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Alien Refugees? Yup

DISTRICT 9 (2009)

How many people do you know that have seen this flick? I know about 42, and you know what everyone has said to me... "Wow it was really good, totally not what I was expecting"
I must say I agree. I don't know what I was expecting, but DISTRICT 9 was brilliant. Great sci fi. The most original, put a message in your face film making I have seen in a while. I imagine n example might be if Disney/Pixar made a film about finding an alternative to oil energy, yeah something like that.
The trick here is to explain the plot without giving to much away.
Alien ship stopped over city. They found 1.4 million aliens on board. They were all transported to what is basically a slum, where they are mistreated, misunderstood and used. The big thing is all the alien technology is made for just aliens. Humans can't use it so you have all this warring companies trying to be the first to master alien tech but no one can. After twenty years, people decide they've had enough of the aliens being in their city, causing trouble and eating cat food, so in comes big time company (mercenary employer) to move them, peacefully by force to their lovely new concentration camp. In comes Sharlto Copley as Wickus. This is Copley's first movie and sweet hell does he rock. Mark my words. You are going to see him every where. He is sensitive, strong, weak, ignorant, heroic, and all of them well. he is the man sent to "Move" the aliens out.
So Wickus... ignorant push over he is ends up getting caught in what is a rather complex situation with alien escape and the like.

The style of the film is great. Shifting effortlessly form documentary, to real time, to interviews, everything coming together to tell one of the best, emotional action adventures in a while. Did I say Whoa to the action?
The action is violent and wickedly directed. You will want to stand up and cheer at some points... heck feel free to, others will follow (Boonsweet does not actually guarantee audience participation, if you find yourself singled out and being glared at, do not take it out on me. Luv bitches... luv)

To the point
- Sci fi action scale 4.5 out of 5 stars
- movie scale 4 out of five stars

Great performances from every one. Can I say utterly believable. See it. Now.


Chuck Boonsweet

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Oh you silly demon things ha ha ha (Ninja movie of the Month September 2009)


Anime is a wondrous art form. Folks around the globe have been appreciating it for what it is; honest old school story telling. Through anime the film scene in Japan has exploded. The lines have begun to blur as well. The insane violence and sex of early, and continuing entries in the genre, suddenly finding ways into mainstream, live action film making. The Godfathers "Akira" "Ghost in the Shell" "Ninja Scroll" as inspiring an entire generation of artists.
Blood was a anime that blew up the scene in the mid nineties. It was 45 minutes long and used some brand new digital enhancing techniques. Minds were blow across the globes. It was short, sweet, violent, and beautiful.
So when I heard it was coming to the a live action theatre near me, I was excited, and it was English, not that I have subtitle issues, still being a joint production the budget would more than likely be a little more ... impressive.
The original story was as such... Old school super powered vamp chick, with a sword, kills demons, with the help of an "Organization". She then kills demons on an army base in 1966. End movie.
The new one goes as such... old school super powered vamp chick, with a sword (that she now likes to kick out of the sheath), kills demons with the help of "The Council". She goes to American army base in 1966 saves generals daughter from vamps. Daughter gets caught up in the whole secret war between demons and humans (blah, blah) together they end up fighting a whole bunch of bad guys, and then gigantic over the top demonic showdown.

So the good- The action scenes are intense. Awesome. There are three big ones and they all don't disappoint. You get ninja action, huge amounts of blood letting (all be it CGI demon blood, I almost liked it more, had the feel of anime blood letting), super powered full out demons (that turn into demon in a blaze of ash and embers. Not sure what that's about, but still better than Edward's sparkling, seriously)... And really guys the demons don't look have bad. For a lower budget picture, decent. The acting isn't horrible, mostly, and the writing isn't horrible, mostly...

So the bad - Why why WHY can't movie companies just make the damn movie with the original story. I mean the examples are endless, but really is "Well when translating it to the big screen changes had to be made" Bull-shizzie. There were some really cool just like the anime moments here. Shot for shot, but I wanted more of that. The hospital scene for example from the original would have been prime. Or the burning building demon brawl. Also, you've seen this movie before, though perhaps in different parts. Think Blade meets House of the Flying Daggers (yes I know its cool I have to admit). Even though I said the demons looked good, with how good the fight scenes are, they really should have spent more time on them. Gone full makeup, like say Hellboy.

Overall... I think a worthy translation of the idea of BLOOD though perhaps not the story. Lots of fun to be had here guys and gals. Huge action. Ninjas... NINJAS! An old school revenge plot. And an Asian Buffy... haha

Horror/action scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Boony is out this hobbit hole homies

Take the ride


So you tired of every teen comedy being marketed as the next "Superbad" I know I am... very. Here is a perfect example of what the make a quick buck disease is doing to Hollywood. And they think its pirating...
Adventure land stares a couple of very notable young stars Jesse Eisenberg and the "OMG its Bella from twilight" Kristen Stewart First, and I want to make this very clear, Kristen Stewart is hot, and two the girl can act. Yes I know Twilight has flaws so very many... but it has an army behind it (don't believe me try screaming Edward sucks ass and his eyebrows are demons at a Jonas Bros concert; I was pulling cell phones out of places I didn't even know I had, well okay most I had previously discovered through self exploration). I mean Kristen has gone toe to toe with Meg Ryan and held her own, and that's something. And Mr. Eisenberg is on the cusp of Michael Cera like fame. Give it time (the upcoming Zombieland will probably help)
As I was saying this is not a gross out, look away from the screen with a eye through your fingers, teen comedy. This is a really... really good... not so funny drama.
Story goes as such troubled life not working out type (Jesse) gets stuck at an amusement park for the summer, when he was suppose to go mad sex party in Europe. He's depressed. Meets hot confused chick at park, they discover a lot more to life well wading through the kaka that is their surroundings. The fact that well they're falling for each other Ryan Reynolds is nailing Kristen further complicates things. Think the plot sounds cliche? Don't be fooled. It avoids almost every cliche (there is a romantic moment under fireworks, damn Disney!). Its straight forward and real. You believe every one is 3D. Even those just popping in for a scene. The supporting cast is great. There's no one liners here. No silver screen polish. This is real 1987 love. Did I mention it takes place in 1987, it does. If you're allergic to "Falco" stay away.
The writing is dry, and honest. There are moments that are just awkward, not because they're funny but because we recognize them as growing up. Messing up. And getting up.
It's not a laugh out loud, but you'll chuckle. No scenes you'll act out with your friends after a couple of drinks, but it will make you smile for a while after.

Drama Scale - four out of 5 stars
Movie scale - 3.5 out of 5 stars.

I'm back you snot nosed rabid fan types... enjoy

Thursday, April 30, 2009

All that and he's Canadian bitches!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Okay the X men have been an enduring staple in mainstream pop culture for probably the majority of most of yous existence. Why? Because superheroes rock, and so does wolverine (with an honorable mention to Gambit of course). So the Xmen movie made a ton of money and, as with the comic, Wolverine is was the standout favorite. And what's not to love? He's roughedly handsome, ripped, nearly immortal, has a code of honor, and spits in the face of authority (okay more than likely a growl). Can you get a cooler power than healing power (although one that over the years has grown from heals quickly to you can blow him up and he'll just grow back), and metal claws that cut anything.
One thing I will never understand in reference to comic, or videogame movies is why... WHY?! Can't they just hand the Hollywood writer guy the backstory, or say "read these 23 comics" and then let them write the script. Or have them actually play the game and write the script... anything. So you have probably gathered from that little rant that those of us whom have enjoyed the comic for many a year will be having a lot of "what the hell" moments. Yes much like Xmen movies (and everybody letting Brian "I make super heroes boring" Singer) the plot takes glorious, and ridiculous sidesteps from anything that has been.
So plot is... This is the story of how Wolverine became Wolverine. Seriously that's all you need. Let's start with the good, acting. Ryan Reynolds is perhaps one of the funniest best parts of the film, and yet has almost no screen time (a tragedy). Hugh "buff enough" Jackman has another blast playing Wolverine. Liev, who I wasn't to sure of as Sabertooth, does a pretty good job, and the list goes on. There are some really great superhero cameos, including finally, GAMBIT is in the house, and looking fantastic. And by that I mean his abilities, not that ol' Boony is attracted to his long haired man-ness. All the superheros and villains are much fun. Heck there's even some young Xmen moments in there. The action scenes are fun, and over the top, in a still cool way. Although watching Wolverine superman a helicopter was a bit much.
Now for the bad... Everything else. The plot goes from awesome to suck and jumps back and worth between the two at random. Ending with what can only be described as a WEAK showdown. Hey best part of the Wolverine movie should have been the Sabertooth fights... yeah combine them, maybe two minutes long. And the last showdown is ..... KA-KA. The special effects are at mediocre at best. And where was the "Mon Ami" from Gambit? WHERE!?
Overall worth watching, and slamming some popcorn and having a good time. Though the tag line for the commercials states the "The summer begins" with this release. I hope not, because I'd be scared to see how it ended...

Movie scale 2 stars out of 5
action scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Grab your Xmen decoder rings, get a girl who has her own mutant powers :P and take the ride...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Pedal to the medal


Who likes fast cars, fast women, exploding things, tough guy moments, and Vin Diesel in a tank for a whole movie?
Me, me, me, me, me, ... Okay so maybe not so excited about the last one there but I know some of you will be. "The Fast and the Furious" was a huge hit years ago when it hit the scene. It made would be stars out of Diesel, and Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez (also for some reason Jordana Brewster did not get the same love, hello, she is mad cute), and how did they thank the people who made this film when approached for a sequel? Well they all asked for insane amounts of money, and pulled diva on it. With the exception of Paul Walker, who agreed to return despite the horrid title of "2 Fast 2 Furious"... although to be fair the series has always had title trouble. "Um, so Billy what should we call this here new one, the same as the first one, oh that's brilliant we'll drop the "the""

Vin is back as Dom, with everyone, in the film that should have happened years ago. But now that everyones career has stalled and they can all take a bit of a pay cut, they're back. Dom is still robbing things in fast cars, that is until someone close to him gets offed, and then he returns for revenge. Walker is all mighty FBI man now, and his case just so happens to bring him across Dom road for vengeance. From there its fast cars, double crosses, people getting face smashed, and well everything you might expect... and I loved it.

The action movie has been a declining genre in Hollywood, so when a damn good one comes along I get excited. Vin is the best big good guy going on right now, period. When he's on he could go Arnold in his T-2 glory. As I've mentioned before Walker has a soft spot inside Boonsweet, think sick thoughts if you want to but know that is so wrong (insert wagging finger of shame). The whole cast plays the stereotypes to glorious perfection. The tough guys are tough, the bad guys are as tough, the FBI want to the right thing but can't quite stop being douches... All makes for a ninety plus minute adrenaline joy ride.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action scale 4 out of 5 stars

Get your kick ass booties laced up grab some friends and go check this one out on the big screen. You will not be disappointed... :)

Boonsweet out bitches

Pro choice


Okay so first let ol' Boony here apologize for being a mad wicked douche and neglecting my public informing responsibilities. I do occasionally get a wee bit distracted by the world at large, and some pretty ambitious writing projects... That being said, let us continue...

So to start things off the big push behind this here film when it was going through the advertising process was that one of the co-writers of "The Dark Knight" wrote this. Do not expect brilliance. This film has its moments, but as is the case with more than a few entries in the horror mainstream, the plot at some point is almost so nonsensical that you must unplug your brain for the logic cortex as it may overload your sense stream resulting in loss of control over such things as drool, and jaw closing... okay so I made that up, but it sounded freaking legit!

So super hot chick is being stalked by evil demon kid with a habit of twisting heads upside down. Before the end of this here adventure the demon kid will be attached to twins, killing babies, making four year olds extremely creepy, Jews, Nazi experimentation... and really messing up and old guy in a hospital gown (even though he's in a nursing home? Confused? You should be. Oh that super hot chick one plus, looks just like Megan Fox. Which is never a bad thing. I mean this in a non negative way, because as far as I can tell Odette Yustman is every inch the actress Miss Fox is, but literally it was as if producer Michael Bay (behind the Transformers) said "well I can't get that super hot bitch from my Go-bots flick, so this one will do, oh, and she's cheaper".

Anywho... so she decides an exorcism will do the trick... insert all kinds of screaming, lights dimming, and all the other Hollywood cliches we've come to expect from any piece of priest vs. demon moment. Although - why Odette (playing the lovely possessed Casey) was strapped to bed with something that looked suspiciously of hardcore S&M I'm not sure (To anyone that does not know what s&m is, well I'm hardly going to harsh your fragile ears eyes, with an explanation). I might be making this sound like a by the numbers demon flick, and it is. However it does have a few genuinely creepy moments. It seemed however that the only thing this film had going for it was some slick direction (David S Goyer man behind Blade 3 and the forgettable "Invisible"), making the most out of every scare, but there just isn't enough there to hold the viewers interest. The acting is average, with the exception of a "What the hell are you doing in this movie" moment with Gary Oldman.

In closing expect some scares, some creeps, and a lot of "Um, are they serious"...

Movie scale 1.5 out of 5 stars
horror scale 2 out of 5 stars.

Another Owww my head moment... but prob worth one view with a lady friend, and some snacks.