The Force Awakens (2015)

SWEET LIGHT SABERS... DID I JUST FEEL THE FORCE?

So here it is. It has arrived and myself was lucky enough to see it in a tiny town... hours before the rest of the world... HA! Boonsweet in your face! Jokes. I heart you all. So I do not do spoilers... (well unless a flick lands in my CRAP! segment) in this case however it is even more important. Not because the film is full of insane twists and turns... but because there are few films on earth these days that have the power to move an entire planet of people. STAR WARS has that power... and I feel, for all my jedi loving ways... THE FORCE AWAKENS delivers.

So the story well, without getting too much into it... A new evil has arisen "The new Order"... there's a new darkside... and man we need to find us some jedi! Enter A spunky, and space sexy 'Rey' played by the soon to universal nerd lusted - Daisy Ridley - and her co star, a storm trooper with a soul Finn. Together with the old gang they are gunna try to rescue the universe from going dark... again....

I didn't do it... I didn't do it... 

K.

So there are going to be a lot of people that love this movie and why not? It is every inch the grandeur of the original trilogy (aka 4,5,6... aka when they said it was FORCE!). Theres a cute funny droid... theres a mask wearing bad guy doing his best darth vader.... There's Han Solo, and Leia, and a certain tall furry creature. There's the bad guys with laser blasters, and good guys with laser blasters... and Light Sabers, and exploding things... and more exploding things... and well... its all here folks. Everything you have been waiting for in a new Star Wars.

Basically disney and J.J. Abrams sat down and said lets give the people what they want.

But therein lies the problem. When you give people what they want they inevitably want more. It has to be said. This film is basically the first trilogy rolled into one, or at least a good chunk of it. Same plot points, same twists, merrily similar moments, homages, they do nothing but try to be a new version of everything you love. I myself did not have a problem with it, because THAT IS WHAT I WANTED. Grand space spectacle of the highest order. And nothing, from the sounds, to the overly heroic plot, can ever be done like they do it with STAR WARS.

But!!

Then I was like screw it, and went chrome bro. 

There will be haters. Yes. Those star wars tattoo'd (i know what George Lucas wanted more than he did) are gunna rise up... the same people that said But its not enough like the original trilogy, its not what we love - so we hate it when the last trilogy came around... are gunna be the same people spearheading the It's too much like the originals, all you did was copy what we loved - so we hate it this time around. I warn you - do not choose the darkside!

This film is entertainment for days! Let free the bruised star wars love of your childhood years! It well be well held and loved... and cared for here... amongst the theatre as THE FORCE AWAKENS.

Ok. I'm stoked. Is it the greatest star wars? No. Of course no. Plus, lets remember the first star wars film is no ones fav... and the second - first - newest - whatever - trilogy, phantom menace was again no ones fav, so this does what firsts in the series have before it. Introduces - hero - bad guy - coolness, and sets up a new journey ahead...

and now with all this homage out of the way... MAN i am pumped to see where this goes... sure if you are clever enough you can already see some familiar threads weaving themselves together... but perhaps... that is all to set us up. Just saying in the next few months all the debating set to explode between the Jedis in all of us... enjoy it! its been way to long. Star Wars is back! But trust me... don't get too smart thinking you know all thats up... there are some twists to come folks...

And this new expanded universe... such be very cool.

Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars
Action/SciFi scale 4 out of 5 stars

One line review: The FORCE is back! 

Chuck B. Boonsweet... is it wrong I want to buy a light saber now... Damn you disney!!

#TheForceAwakens
#STARWARS

1001 Undead nights

People. Boonsweet writes!!

So you may have noticed... and I mean of course you noticed what with your wicked addiction to all my movie loving thoughts... I haven't exactly been cranking out the reviews lately - my sincere apologies... but there have been reasons. Some without merit to be mentioned here... haha... some you must know. I wrote a book! Actually my second. But this is a work straight from my film and horror loving heart to you guys... My Bioniacs!!! My alter ego... my real ego... my ego... whatever... some part of me wrote this. 13 short stories of terror, humour, love, and bloody terror... tried to capture the fun of the horror anthology most of us have enjoyed on television and on film... in a book. Yes. My brain is ambitious.

Moral of the story (this article I am pretty sure my book is moral-less haha) .... preview and decide to purchase HERE ... or at your local amazon internet locale... show it to friends... laugh, cry, and forgive my independent author mistakes hahaha... hopefully there's enough blood, and sexy, and giggles, to excuse them. This is an independent horror book... I hopes the fans that seek out independent horror films... will bring some of the same excitement, and hunger for all things horror and B movie fun!!

And be sure to hit me up with all the good, or bad, you wish to pass my way people. Let my world domination begin!!!!!

Also. More reviews now.

:)(:

Till next Bioniacs! Thanks for all the support over the years. I also love seeing the views from all over the world, places I never been, and never thought my film rants would reach....

Chuck Boonsweet... aka J.D. Richard is out!!

Paper Towns (2015)

PAPER THIN FILM MAKING

So I want to be straight up and say that I both read and loved the Novel this film was based on. Though I have never read anything else John Green (aka the Author of The Fault in Our stars) has done, I saw the trailer to this film... then saw the book and thought - why the hell not.

This is the only book I have ever read in one sitting from cover to cover. Now, granted part of that was the simplicity of the book... the other thing though, was really how much I enjoyed the whole dang story.

Anyway... before I go too far... your story goes: A boy, Quentin (aka the teen movie guy du-jour Nat Wolff) grows up hopelessly in love with his neighbour Margo (played by the ridiculously well known and attractive model Cara Delevingne). After years of no contact with her she pulls him into a revenge plot against her cheating boyfriend. After a night of crazy adventure, Quentin thinks he will finally have the girl of his dreams... only she disappears... and he (along with a rag tag group of friends) will follow the breadcrumbs he left to try to find out what exactly happened to Margo.

Seriously, I am so screwing up this selfie thing

Here is the thing guys. I write. Novels. Scripts. I sure as Kaka aint made no millions... but I have had to transfer a short story to a script/screenplay format on several occasions... and I understand that changes have to made when transferring between mediums. I get that. I am ok with that. However the one thing I will never get with big studio films... is why they feel they almost without fail have to drastically alter the ending.

Why? I mean 5 million people bought this book. Then 5 Million people bought a ticket to see the film... does anyone... really... REALLY think those folks were like... Man I hope they change the ending so that it surprises me! No. Incorrect. Those people rolled in saying - Man I hope these hollywood A-holes didn't mess the damn story up. 

You know for the most part this is not only a very good movie... but also a pretty faithful adaptation of the source material. The acting is spot on with both leads being well supported by the youthful (and sweet hell teens that actually are teens, or well, close enough - awesome) cast. Cara D in her first real role on the big screen is pretty good here. The director does a solid job combining the mystery of the film with the teen coming of age type thing... and the screen writers do a great job condensing the story while maintaining all the key points...

Noooo.... you smell my finger....

Though in the Novel the journey to find margo takes months and here it is a matter of a week? Two weeks? Something like that. I think they could have added a few minutes of time lapse, and the exhaustive search Quentin goes on in the book... but all good. I get it, and enough of the story makes it through to endear the audience to the characters... even those not familiar with the book.

It is simply put... a charming Teen flick, with perhaps a little more heart than most. You know where in chasing the girl he wants, are would be hero learns more about himself and the world in which he inhabits... that kinda thing.

However, I have to say this. They altered the ending. And in fact brutally crush the hope with which the book ended.

Has anyone read Dickens? Ha. Sigh. It's prob just me. Well my fav book by the classic Author is Great Expectations. The ending to that book is book painful and yet has this slimmer... this shining crack of beautiful and possible hope. Paper Towns the Novel ended much the same. Sad. And with heart pains, but with the teasing shimmer of hope.

In a movie like this... a whimsical tale of self discovery and first love... ending the film as they did here, absent satisfying conclusion was the wrong call. I have understood the pangs of teen love... especially first love... the ending simply cannot work here. The book's ending... had many of the same pieces... yet as I said... That shimmer of hope... that no matter how twisted and foolish love might be... no matter how blinding... in the end sometimes the heart... might just win.

Sadly without that narrative for the end... perhaps thinking the audience would not get it... ignoring the fact 50-75% of their audience would more than likely be people that read the Novel or wiki'd it before the movie ... haha... that happens... they have essentially made this only a teen buddy flick... and with the movie and story built around the search for Margo... their simply is not enough there to hang the end of this movie on.

Still, to anyone unfamiliar with the book. There is certainly worse ways to spend an hour and 46 minutes of your life... watching Rosewood for example (seriously was that not the worst pilot that has ever made it to a season premier - dang). And the fun is inherent in the movie you will smile a few times, and enjoy curling next to your loved one.

Its a quick fun trip, with a lacklustre pay off... but fun. More than a match for any of the would be teen cry yourself to sleep in a pillow type flicks we have been getting lately haha. No seriously. What the hell.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Teen drama scale 3 out of 5 stars.

ONE LINE REVIEW: CUTE CAST, CUTE FLICK, THAT IS ALL. 

Till Next Booniacs.

#Papertowns

-Boonsweet.

Spectre (2015)

MAN I LOVE ME SOME BONDAGE...

So I have seen every bond movie. I love most of them all be it for different reasons. And before you are like Oh this Boonsweet, he's one of those guys that can have his faith in bond shaken but never stirred... I say hold up! I admit when they are weak... totally fine with me. However I stand behind the statement that within each decade, any bad Bond movie is still better than 90% of the action offerings of the time.

Before I go further... because I could rant... and all you Bioniacs know I can rant...

Your Plot.

Turns out there has been someone behind the scenes who through all 3 of Daniel Craigs bond films has tried to destroy the world and Bond. Now in the fourth film Bond will come face to face with the man behind the curtain, and another piece of his past (clearly an attempt to cash in on Skyfall's brilliant premise). Oh and their will be hot chicks. And explosions.

So is this film as good as Skyfall ? No. That seems to be the new gold standard all bond films are to be held against (though for my money From Russia with Love is still the gold standard). That said this is a very fun and well put together bond film... for nearly two hours... and then things fall apart.

The action scenes in this film are exactly - EXACTLY!! - what makes a bond movie special. No other film could get the funding to produce such insane action set pieces. The opening scene is gold... but for my moment the second major action set piece is worth the price of admission. I mean... a car chase through the winter mountains... only its a plane car chase... yes!

I don't always skii... but when I do... I bring my gun. 

The other reason, why for my two cents... this film was actually superior to Skyfall for the well over the first half was the touches with past bonds. Sure there are call outs to casino royal and Skyfall but really, the respect for the classics of the past... really make this film feel like a love letter to the fans of over 4 decades of bond. The train fight for example... is amazing! and every inch the loving tribute to the insanely violent end fight of From russia with Love - seriously, triangle choke holds and UFC moves in a 1964 film? So good. Annnnnnnnnnd having the henchman not speak... nice touch.

The woman in this film - debate her appropriate hotness all you want fan boys - is not only hot, but for once, seems able to hold her own. You could argue Michelle Yeoh held her own in Tomorrow never dies but really, was she bond level hot? Maybe. Mostly she just kicked good ass. Lea Seydoux is smart, sexy, and fun. I approved.

So, your saying the queen is the most powerful... Mind = blown. 

In fact everything up until the villain/bond torture scene is gold. If they had adjusted the story to wrap up there... This might have been the Bond film... the problem is that for unknown reasons they decide to have a second showdown/reveal with the main villain... that becomes a wait - what did he just say? wait... why is he still talking about killing bond and not killing bond... wait... how did he set this elaborate reveal up for James Bond... if you know... he sent all those minions to kill him?

hahaha honestly the last 25 minutes of this film is embarrassing. Straight up, embarrassing. If you were the 8 screen writer they called in and that was your idea... Shame on you!

It drags out what had been an amazingly fun experience into this slow crawl of a finale... I mean the gun toss? Sweet hell... almost the worst moment of the Bond film... and really maybe it is... the question is it worse than the If all that was left of you was your pinky you'd still be more man than I've ever know line from Casino Royale. I don't know... it may be a tie.

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Action scale 4 out of 5 stars

One line review: two hours of awesome, 17 minutes of suck. 

This film does not deserve the hate it has been getting. Its what The raid 2 experienced, and what I'm sure the next John Wick will... oh its just not as good as the last one. So what?! Did stop me from enjoying the star wars sequel/prequels ... they were still fun reasonably awesome. They won't all be 5/5 stars people!!!!

Boonsweet is out yo!

I spit on your grave 3 (2015)

More blood, more gross out, less awesome.

Folks.
It is ok to enjoy a solid revenge flick. Be it Thriller: They call her one eye, Death Wish (and the what 5 sequels?) ... and the list is long believe me... the genre has been around long enough that the audience is there. And every once and a while when hollywood dresses it up with a big name star in the lead (Taken) its obvious everyone loves them a solid revenge flick. The rewarding part of the revenge flick is this: All the violence dished out to the villains is warranted... usually because they have done something horrible to children, or mostly women... and now they will all get their - oh-so-just desserts... so we can sit back and enjoy all the violence and chaos... guilt free... because - them guys had it coming.

Or. Well, that's my Freud Bomb on it.

So if you have not seen any of these films before, this is not the one to start with. The story goes as such... Jennifer Hills, having survived the group assault in the first film, and exacted her revenge (and remaining uncaught)... has moved to try to put her life together, and changed her name. She joins a rape therapy group type thing where she meets a friend... but then realizes there's all these men just raping people out there and someone should do something about it... in extremely violent ways.

Why do I have a 1950s hair cut in a 2015 movie? Good question. Seriously. Next...

This movie made one huge, gigantic, mistake - it forgot the first part of the revenge flick. Unlike the first two films in the series (three is you count the 1978 cult original) there is no graphic horror to balance out the violence in the film. No disgusting act that allows you to root for the heroine to dispatch her justice. Instead what you have is essential talking for an hour. Talking in group. Talking to therapist. And every once in a while she day dreams about murdering someone.

No one is attacked. No deed is blasted across the screen that makes the men cringe and the girls look away... instead we are treated to what I can only call a rather thoughtful script that tries to make a few statements about men, and how women are treated, and for that matter - treat themselves. Sure, thats all fine and good... but this movie is called I spit on your grave - part freaking 3. I am not here to debate the merits of punishment and police handling of assault cases.

This first two films were visceral. Enraging, you couldn't help but cheer when these horrible people were getting theirs... here well, you find yourself just rooting for something... anything to happen. Then when it does get going... they make their second... and most unforgivable error... they make the hero bat shit crazy.

Seriously, seriously, pipe down! 

I get she is damaged. I get she is all psycho avenger... but having her lose her mind... really, kind of undermines the entire structure of the film. She can't be strong, and empowered and raising up against the evil of the new millennium man is she's actually just loco... and hates every man - ever.

Horrible.

Ok that said. Like the other two films I thought they got a lot out of the actors here. I mean selling some of the horrible acts in these films is not easy, and again, the violence here - when it happens - does comes across as really intense (the whole two scenes of it). The script though for the first half having really nothing at all to make it similar to the previous two films... does manage to evoke some laughs... and real moments. The direction, as with the other two films is spot on, and does not shy away...

There just isn't enough here. Part of the series allure is the "What are they gunna do to this guy?!" and well... they just remove that concept in favour of "Lets make a statement of society" ... which again... in a lifetime movie, fine... but in this series - WRONG! wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong.

Still, it is heads and shoulders above many direct to video (with a small theatre release) offerings, and the violence in the two major scenes, is absolutely bananas. I still think the first two films are fair and away superior... but if they bounce back to the grit and horror in the next entry, I will forgive them the social commentary excursion.

Horror/revenge scale : 2.5 out of 5 stars
Move scale: 2.5 out of 5 stars

One Line review: The thinking man's B grade revenge thriller, ish. 

Till next Booniacs!

-CBB

Final Girl (2015)

Something about a sexy blonde...

Every once in a while a film within the horror genre comes along with an Idea that is, for all intents and purposes, Unique. Final Girls to me, seemed to be one of these films. Now, when I - a lifelong horror enthusiast - encounter such a film, I review it with a certain restraint, because in a genre so over populated with beentheredonethat ... original ideas should be appreciated.

That said. Let's get into it.

So your plot: A young girl, after the death of her Mother, is recruited by the smoldering eyes of "Un-named character" (played by Wes Bentley)... and trained for the next twelve years to be a killer of slasher types. Or well, really evil murdering types. The full grown Veronica (played by the always fun Abigail Breslin) is set loose on a group of murdering young men to exact justice.

Ok. Right. Sounds fun. And bloody and cool. There are a few problems here though... 1st Veronica tries her best but Abigail can't ever really make her seem intimidating or actually capable of all this superhuman man destruction. There is a part where she chokes a guy out about 3 times her size... All I could think was - hit her, and she'll be done, and you can go on breathing.

Wait, what? Thats how pretty little liars ends? Well... ok try explaining it again...

Unlike a Jessica Biel, Sarah Michelle Gellar, etc... she just doesn't come across as tough. Now is that her fault, I don't think so. She is a talented actress, but I think the time devoted to training her, and making you believe she can be tough is just lacking.

The directing is pretty good. A few things how ever... like the forest... at night... apparently being lit by a giant spotlight... seem just... horribly set up. It was almost comical... I mean where did that mini spotlight come from. After a while it feels like perhaps the director (his first feature) is attempting to do one of two things... play a portion of the scenes as if it were a play... or pay homage to the king of horror lighting Dario Argento (Inferno came to mind).

Case in point ... all the main players are seated around in the woods (spotlights apparently places throughout for lighting)... when the scene and the stories told would have been infinitely more creepy by the naturalmostly-natural lighting of a campfire. As distracting as it was at times, I am going to say that I chose to view it as part of the film's "Look" and bitch no further.

Mmmm. Candy blood.

Now this film does a weird thing with the timeline where after the initial introduction with her as a child they jump forward 12 years... Ok. That would've been fine. If, IF they had simply made her a badass after 12 years... and then moved right into the hunter/prey thing. But no... they actually show you a bunch of her training now... and funny story, she apparently hasn't learned a thing in 12 years... like how to throw a punch... or well anything really. So what was she learning in over a decade under the guidance of strangely attractive man... Who doesn't seem all that tough himself.

Rule one: A bad-Ass character must in fact be BAD-ASS.

Well. Listen all this beef you see here, is in the first act... AKA first 30 minutes. So once we get to the killers VS trained killer of killers... how does it go. Sigh. Well it takes another 20 minutes.

Really once it gets going I was all - This is it. It is on. And there are flashes. For one - the conversation she has with the head bad guy is gold. I mean really good stuff. The attraction he has for her psycho side is great and hints at what could've been a really cool angle. Hell this whole film hints at what could be been sadly... there really is nothing here.

They waste time on a horrible tough girl montage... time that could, and should, have been given to developing the villains. She's a final girl. We really did not need more than that little girl opening. As it is, you don't care about anyone, or anything. The final fight, and chat is great... I mean that... really fun... but it stands out as the only few minutes of the film that are actually engaging. This film has been marketed as a violent revenge against the slasher kinda film... and its not... don't believe the R rating... a couple of F bombs aside... there's barely enough here for the PG-13.

This movie, within this script, there was something here... really, but the direction... and time put into this movie seems to have been minimal. Case in point (again) why does the main guy want to kill blondes? I don't know... and you know what would've been nice instead of what is essentially a crazy and silly final moment - possibly an explanation for that. Ah dang it... this is the worst part of being a film fan, a blogger, a writer, and a general film geek... when you see how it could've been something... something really really cool, and it just went to poop because no one realized extra gore would've been great... teaching the tiny hollywood actress how to how her hands and body in a fight would've been great... and well you get it.

I don't think there is enough here to recommend it. But hey, maybe you are someone who enjoys imagining what couldve been.

Oh and why the hell was this movie set in the 50s? or 60s? whatever it was? Just no damn point to that. No point at all. Much like most of this film.

Movie scale 2 out of 5 stars
Horror scale 2 out of 5 stars

One line Review: No blood, no drama, no nothin. 

Boonsweet is out!

#FinalGirl

Pan (2015)

Pan-tacular!

Folks. Don't buy into the hate! Seriously. I have read all these reviews blasting this movie for being too much like this movie, ripping off that other movie... blah blah. Tired of another "Chosen one" story line. Look. There is basically one formula for the giant Hollywood Blockbuster. Ok maybe two. But the predominant one is simple - extraordinary circumstance + huge budget (aka lots of eye candy) + a chosen one to rise up against the evil bad guy/guys.

Avatar. Pirates of the Caribbean. Star wars lol... I mean if you want to say screw the formula than just stay home and watch Grey's Anatomy (sigh sorry, its a fine show, I just 12 seasons? Come on. Hasn't everyone slept with everyone by now? I digress). This is not a completely original film. Its not something you haven't seen before, and heck, it's probably a film that really didn't need to happen... but does that make it a bad film...

I submit - No.

Your story is .... years before the events of the animated classic Peter Pan, or the less classic non animated Peter Pan... Ya. Anyone remember that... 2003... no I didn't think so. Anyway... years before... aka this is a prequel... we find Peter, an Orphan in a rather unpleasant orphanage, in the middle of WWII in London. Well, one night he and other kids are whisked away (kidnapped) by flying pirates from Neverland. Once there in the mines he meets James Hook (the will be Captain Hook one day) his also finds out he can fly... something the evil Black Beard (played with relish by Hugh Jacked Jackman) finds disturbing as a flying boy is suppose to be the "Chosen one" to rise against him and free Neverland.

So. Pretty much adventure, and fairies and a little romance, and the secret to Peter's origins and boom! Your Movie.

seriously, how can you deny that level of Jackman facial hair... 

Pan is without a doubt top three 3D films I have ever seen. If you are looking for a movie to enjoy the heck out of your 3rd Dimension experience this is the film. Jurassic World was a very fun movie... but really, where the hell was the 3D in that film? This film throws everything at you... even once you settle into the depth, they still hit you with things flying at you (I admit it I dodged some cannonballs) and fairies floating about.

This PAN is pure big budget entertainment, and for my money, worth every penny I spent. The acting is spot on. The effects (apparently unfinished by some reports) seem to hold up well. In fact if you get over the Why the heck is black beard kidnapping kids from a different dimension for his mines? The rest is a good time. Non stop colors, and bright, and fun. And really a film for the whole family. The violence all played off with little more than G levels with certain deaths resulting in explosions of coloured powder... ya weird. But cool.

Newbie Levi Miller, does a great job as a boy simply in search of home... and he handles a few tougher scenes later. I imagine getting emotion while looking at a green wall cannot be easy. The rest of the cast is fun. I think I realized what I was in for from the beginning... entertainment. This isn't a film trying to when oscars... Big explosions, sweeping action set pieces... hell, even a musical number thrown in...

I really don't know why everyone seems to be hating on this. I guess at this point we are all kinda beaten down by the big budget film... so much so that when we get a pure family level one with it's heart on it's sleeve... well, maybe the audience, and critics have just gotten a little too jaded. If this film had come out during the 80s and was all practical... I imagine it would have quite the following. But as it is, perhaps it is destine to be lost to the abyss of non stop 100+ million pictures... as the opening week box offie suggest. A shame, as I thought there was some real family fun to be had here.

I like colors.
I like explosions.
I like 3D fairies.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action/adventure scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW: 3D fairy dust covered good times. 

Thank you for reading my brain Booniacs

-Boonsweet

#Panthemovie
#Pan2015

Chiller Classics present: The Blob 1988

Welcome my friends to Chiller Classics, where I Charles Bartholomew Boonsweet take you on a trip to the olden, sometimes golden, days of horror.  Hopefully I will introduce you to some fine genre flicks you may not have heard of, either because of how old they are or how obscure, and break down some gory, chill filled, education in Horror History 101. And for those of you who are already well versed in the "good ol' days" of horror, hopefully this will help bring back some nostalgic memories and maybe entice you to see some of these classics again.

Do you want to watch jello eat people? If the answer is no, then perhaps you are just simply not the type that will enjoy 1988's The Blob. A remake of a 1950s sic-fi gem that despite a 6.4 rating on the mega-thumbsup/down that is IMDB remains largely underrated by the horror community.

And you know what I get it. I mean. Its mutant jelly that eats people, dissolves people, and well, more or less destroys anything in it's path.

Your plot: Did you guess alien? You were r-r-r-r-right (well kinda). A meteorite crashes to earth carrying a wicked bit of pink Jelly that wants to eat everything... get bigger, and eat more. A outcast (typical misunderstood 80s badass) played by entourage fame - Kevin Dillon, and the cheerleader - Meg Penny (played by the 80s hottie Shawnee Smith) might be able to save their town from certain glutton... I mean doom. Certain doom.

Man their is a lot to love here. From the pure 80s science fiction vibe. Two great scenes of making out at night - but the blob will get those hormonal types! The effects. You know what lets start there. The effects are magnificent. If you are a videophile that harps on This CGI shit is shit, the old days of Practical make up - and some on well this is for you. Bodies being crushed, flattened (on of my fav moments) melted, peeled, all in glorious hand made effects.

Yes I think it can be safely said. This film has some of the best practical ever put to film. Even the miniature work is handled pretty well. On that topic Chuck Russell is a pretty capable director... Nightmare on Elm Street 3, The mask (wait what?). His talents really shine through here. Listen the limits of 80s technology are here... but the fact that they even attempted some of the scenes in this film is amazing. Watching a woman get crushed in a phone booth by eager pink jelly is grand.

Pepto? Any one for Pepto. 

Is it scary? Well. Listen to us hardened horror (yes you know who you are) no. Is anything scary? Not really. We watch horror for other reasons. Fun. Gore. Gore-y fun. Ever once and a while a film gets to us... but is a 1988 film about space gunk eating people going to be that flick? No. Does that matter, of course not. This is pure smile and appreciate here folks.

The script is pretty decent considering. Even has a couple of twists (and deaths) you might not see coming. Sadly the only Blu-ray release was an extremely limited run care of Twilight Time, and I have to wonder in this current age of horror films getting uber releases... where the heck is the Blob's moment?

You can't see it right now, but I am shaking my fist in the air. Oh it is being shook! Boonsweet demands it!

Like all things classic and old school it is not for everyone. Though the gore effects hold up. Buuuuut the green screen and such not so good. The acting is pretty good for a film of this genre... the genre being above par 80s genre fare.

If you haven't dipped a toe in the squshy depts of jello horror you really should... I mean you are reading this awesome article... on this here awesome website... so you must be relatively awesome at the least... and more than likely... amazingly awesome.

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Horror movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

One line review: There's always room for J-E-L-L-O

Listen folks. If you read me, you know me. It's September, expect much horror over the next few months... but theres always a few non bloody flicks that work their way in during my horror focused 60 day count down!

KUNG FU PANDA 3 where are you!!!!

-Boonsweet

Straight outta Compton (2015)

F*** tha Police

I heard this film being described as my generations film. I scoffed at that at first. Then, I thought about it. It might actually be. I don't remember the first time I heard Metallica... I don't remember the first time I heard the Foo Fighters... I don't remember the first time I heard the Beatles, or Nine Inch Nails... But I remember the first time I heard NWA.

I was sitting in amongst a basement full of teenagers partying and partaking in the still newly amazing misadventures of alcohol, and my buddy came jogging down the stairs holding a tape in his hand (I do not have time to explain what a tape is to anyone, besides all you young cats probably think its retro cool again haha). On the tape written in black marker were 3 letters N.W.A.

The first track that screamed over my crap stereo was F*** the Police. I remember actually tilting my head towards the stereo and just absorbing what was coming out. I loved it. Before the end of the night I was reciting lyrics, yelling out the main points, and well, feeling like a bad ass. To anyone that thinks a film like this is only for a certain portion of the generation or population, reconsider, this music was powerful enough that it reached many more people than you might think.

You think he's thinking Arbys? 

So this is a bio pic. We chart the gathering of Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, and Eazy E (with a few other side players) as they form a movement and a group that changed modern music. Along the way - the man will try to hold them down (those pesky police always trying to arrest them) and a manager will mislead them, but despite all of that they might just survive to enjoy their success.

My one problem with this film is as follows : STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON is a greatest hits package. In film form. Dr. Dre goes through the film basically chilling, and knocking people out when they bother him. Ice Cube, loves his Moma, and smashes up a record exec office, but only after they try to screw him. And Eazy E... well, actually his character is 3 dimensional. Even getting into his passing.

Now understanding that Dr. Dre and Ice Cube were involved with the film it's possible that they cleaned out their "True Story" position of the tale... or maybe tried to make Eazy E look bad... but I think he comes out the more realistic. More than likely though, it was decided in hollywood, that showing gangsta's being gangsta is cool... as long as you don't get too deep into it (Note the absence of the woman abuse subject). But you can chase a guy down the hall in a hotel with a machine gun after you've slept with his girl...

That said. STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON is a really fun movie. By sidetracking the lengthy back story and moving instead towards all the big moments that fans have heard about for years, it gives the film a kinetic energy that is infectious. The acting is bang on (Ice Cubes own son plays him in the film and nails it). Paul Giamatti as their manager is a blast. The music is well, as expected. I seriously had a hard time not standing up in the theatre. I seen heads bobbin everywhere.

The whole crew. Man they look almost bang on. 

And seeing all the moments - Dr and Eazy in the booth for Boys in the Hood, Snoop, 2Pac, just to name a few are all great, and add a sense of history to a film that occasionally plays out a little too friendly. One of the funnest bio pics every to hit a screen, and a film that I think people who might dismiss it, will find themselves drawn to check out.

True story. A Mother of a Girl I work with, and an avid country fan, walked up to me and out of nowhere asked if I had seen STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON. When I said yes she went off on how amazing the movie was and that she had cried at the end. I would not have had her anywhere near a list of fans of this film... goes to show you... some stories transcend age, race, and gender. NWA. Who knew.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Biographical Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars

One line review: Woke up quick at about noon, just thought that I had to be in Compton soon...

#Straightouttacompton
#NWA

Boonsweet is out this Bitch!

MIssion Impossible (5): Rogue Nation (2015)

Still Cruisin'

Listen. I enjoy Tom Cruise the actor. I'm ok with that. If you are not ok with that I understand. But seriously, this guy is going on decade 4 ... 4! and still having worldwide success. Pretty impressive. You know what else is impressive the MI franchise. Over the years each film has managed to be very unique and awesome, while continuing the series... does that trend continue?

Well, lets start with the MISSION IMPOSSIBLE ROGUE NATION story. A new super villain/organization has popped up and they seem primed to take down the IMF (Impossible mission force... yes thats silly, but this the 5th film so it doesn't need to be discussed), as well as possibly take over the world. Sigh, world conquering aspirations... you really do have to love you a good super villain. Anyway, while this is going on - Jeremy Renner's - William Brant has to deal with a political movement with the government to disband the IMF force... because wouldn't you know it, it seems people think the IMF is no longer relevant in the new PC world of espionage.

Mario cart - is real. 

So. Villain. Check. Sexy Heroine for Cruise to pine after... Check - Rebecca Ferguson is Ilsa Faust (hey its no Octopussy, but still a good hero chick name) drops into the franchise, and is one of the funnest parts of this film. She can handle the physical and looks great. The "is she bad is she good" angle has been done a 100 times - who cares. Still fun.

Listen I have to say it. And I am sure the argument can be made against me - I welcome your challenge! This is the weakest film in the franchise. There is no way around it. Yes part 2 had it's issues, and part 1 was a slow old school burn... but I think both of those films had something to offer. I think universally 3 or 4 are considered the best (with my own opinion being 3). The thing here is this movie offers absolutely nothing new to the series. Plus the opening hand to hand fight, was rather horrible cut. You gotta set that stage folks!

It felt like UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING where, sure it was a fun movie, but it was obviously filler until they could come up with a better film.

This film tries to feel like the last flick, GHOST PROTOCOL, and that is a problem for me as every film before it was it's own adventure. From the lush slow mo addiction of John Woo's direction, to the hyper intense lens of J.J. Abrams in part 3... and the scope of Brad Bird's part 4... this film just feels like a watered down version of 4. The action seen are good... but not great... the story is good... but not great... the one liners are good... but not great...

Basically ROGUE NATION is just another MI film. The one thing I felt really held this film back is that it is essentially a buddy flick between Cruise's Ethan Hunt and Simon Pegg's Benji Dunn with most of the film focused on them. And the whole Benji is a computer guy oh man look at him so uncomfortable in the middle of all this action, man that's so funny, how uncomfortable he is. Sure it's comical. But it's not that funny. I like both these actors... I like both these characters... but the ensemble needs to be there. Not including Jeremy Renner's character more, was a serious misjudgment.

That said.
That said. A sub par MI film is still above most other big budget action flicks. And the central heist in the flick is a blast. Easily the best part of the film for me. The other solid good point (beside the aforementioned Rebecca Ferguson and Cruise) is the villain. Although, after saying that he is also a fail.

The problem is they don't really get into his motivations. Sure we know the bad guy thinks he's saving the world, and we know he's super bad ass... but really, he gets maybe 6 lines of dialogue that don't involve bitching at or about Ethan Cruise. They really had a chance here, but choose to instead film the film with more Benji and Ethan. I could have done without the entire opening action sequence, to instead give some solid back story and build up for the Villain. As it is by the end he's just a paper cut out for cruise to burn down.

Listen, this good be a wee bit of me being spoiled. Right. You know. Like when you see that kid at the restaurant and he slaps the burger of his plate because he wants his Mom's steak. Ya. Maybe that ol' Boonsweet right now... just years of being spoiled by a Mission Impossible franchise that always delivered. So YES I HAD FUN! I ATE MY POPCORN, and dang-git I will try to be more simple and just enjoy cool exploding things.... and I mean the Cruise stunt riding is nuts in this film... can we call this guy the North American Jackie Chan? I say it's close enough to bring up. Oh and him hanging from a plan 5000 feet off the ground... real. NOT CGI. I repeat - Real.

That's right folks. Real. 

But.
Still the weakest link. I waited a couple weeks to write this review... and I had to really think about any part of this film that stood out as special to me.

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Action movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

Gone Girl (2014)

Well, okay, I strangely find my like of Affleck growing.

K. In fairness I was never a big Affleck hater. I mean Good Will Hunting, Sum of All fears, Phantoms, Argo, I mean I get the man has kind the range of work but, overall I think I have been more entertained than not. And for the record I do not fear him as Batman. Seriously, stop breaking the internet over shit you haven't even watched yet punks!

Moving on. I have not read the book. But here's what I know, the book is a national bestseller, has all kinds of praise, and well, from most reports the movie follows the book very closely, so I feel I can at least critique the book, or original source material after having watched the finished work especially since the Author of the aforementioned Novel actually penned the screenplay.

Man is this a movie with no payoff. Twisted and strange - yes. Payoff - No.

Ok your story. Semi boring guy has a hot semi boring wife who goes missing and the whole town and then country thinks he killed her. Only there is something much more sinister at play... (Insert Dun-Dun-DUnnnnnnnn!).

Really, you sure, the waters warrrrrrrmmmmmmmm....

So this is a film by David Fincher who helmed Seven, and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (american). Two films I loved and I will give him credit for playing down his usual flare to let this film be simply about his actors. Affleck Shines as the husband who didn't really love his wife anymore but is not a murderer... and His wife as the weird sexy girl with... something well, off... Rosamund Pike who I haven't really seen in that much is terrific here. The supporting cast, all of it.

But as a movie, as a whole movie... Gone Girl just well, isn't that entertaining. Yes, it's different. The ending is different, how the plot plays out is cool... but in being so different, traditional parts of a story such as rising action, climax, resolutions... all of that is basically thrown to the wayside. And YES I KNOW some critics are gunna be all - Omg different is so cool, this bold, unique, uncompromising filmmaking... blah blah. The fact remains, aside from the acting there is very little of a movie here... the first thing I thought well the credits roll was - How the hell did they stretch this movie to 2 1/2 hours? and well we're at it... why?!

Really, you usually dress up like a grandma in your movies... and no razzies.... dang

I have heard some people say that the problem audiences may have identifying with the film is the fact the characters are all so vile. I mean, they are all messed up, unworthy people. But I think for me, especially at the start, that made the film all the more interesting. In a way it may have felt more real than most thrillers, but the plot is so nuts that any connection to the real world fades quickly. I think this is one of those films that people jump at - Much like say INCEPTION... where the film feels so different and plays so different that you have to jump up as a film lover and well love it.

But then over time... you find that it didn't really leave that much of an impression... and well, even though you bought it, it hasn't been off your shelf since you brought it back from walmart... where you found it in the 10$ bin.

Gone Girl is not a thriller.... really... it's not a crime drama.... really... it's not a critique on society... really... in fact it is nothing really. It's nothing. It's just a @#%$ up story about @#%$ up people... for 150 minutes.

I'm gunna say it. I hate myself a little... but I'm gunna... you take the A-list cast out... cut out the one scene of violence... and tag on a slightly less gloomy ending, and you have a hallmark thriller... Probably called something like Till Death Do us Part... 

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Thriller Scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Great acting, A really cool twist ( at the half way point of the film - what?), make it worth watching, but maybe lower your expectations just a bit.

Chuck B is out.

Lost River (2014)

Something twisted this way comes....

Ryan Gosling is a pretty damn fine actor. If you don't think so while then you clearly have avoided his body of work, and more than likely have only seen him in The Notebook as such I get it. However the man is talented. Though after meeting with Director Nicolas Winding Refn for the amazing Drive he then fell in love with the man's art over substance and created one of the worst films I have ever seen in my life - ONLY GOD FORGIVES. To this day probably the most hate I have ever dumped on one film.

And as you are Loyal Booniacs, you knows I try my best to find the best in the films I watch... Determined to be anything but a "Hater" haha... but sometimes... this shit gets to me. So when I heard Ryan G was going to be writing and directing his first flick. I was a little worried. I knew his association with Nicolas Refn would more than likely lead to a very artistic and color drenched film experience. Which is fine. But would it have substance?

The Lost River story goes: A Son and His Mother struggle to survive extremely poor in a decaying if not destroyed neighbourhood. Along the way the son might find trouble with rival street gangs over left behind copper in destroyed/abandoned buildings. He might also find love with a equally disillusioned girl. All the while his Mother struggles to make ends meat in a modern Grand Gignol stage show. Ya. Thats your plot.

I can't feel my face... Guys.. I can't feel my face!

Ok. A word of warning, lost river an art house film. No doubt about it. Slow burning houses with creepy poetic rhythms playing. Voice overs out of no where. Camera cuts to random objects and scenery. That said. Really when done right, there is nothing wrong with arthouse. Sure its not for everyone, but hey, neither is blood soaked 80s cinema.

There is a beauty here. Real and earnest. The cast is nothing short of amazing. From Christina Hendricks (from MAD MEN) as the mom, to an unrecognizable Matt Smith (and no if you don't know where he's form I'm not telling!)... and every part inbetween is littered with talent. The script is a strange and human thing. As well, as it should be with such a flick. In fact considering this came from the mind of Ryan Gosling I must say I was impressed with both the depth of his depravity and his understanding of the humanity of such things. Me thinks the man has quite the dark side.

There is some thing here... Director wise. Hell perhaps even writing wise... that suggests the possibility of something great within the creator. Now is this the film? I don't know. Honestly its close. I was thoroughly transfixed by most of this film. A man who has seen art films from every corner of the world try to convince me how original and unique they are... was occasionally fully in the sway of this film. And unlike Ryan G's director buddy... he does not forget the most important aspect of art... your audience is your medium... not the other way around.

Um. Guys. So about that 711. 

Ok I went a little deep there. But I wanted to get a little artsy too.... dammit! Its a fancy way of saying making art for yourself is a nice way of saying you no longer care... or know how to connect with an audience. No one... no one will ever convince me that art should be made absent an audience, because is art... is essence meant to be appreciated? And maybe by someone other than the creator... and his/her six buddies that think its great...

Yes. I ranted there. That is just because I am a little stunned to fond how much I liked this film. It is not one for all tastes. If you liked Drive, and have sought out films such as Beyond the Black Rainbow then this is right up your alley. A brilliant soundtrack. Some very good to great acting... and a new voice behind the camera.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Weird WTF movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW: Crazy Ryan G is my kinda G.

#LostRiver

Terminator: Genisys (2015)

How bad do the machines suck at killing Connors?

So here we have another film that is gonna whip all them fanboys and casual haters into a frenzy. People are gunna tell you its crap... without even watching it. Tell you Arnold should freaking retire... And! Annnnnnnnnnnnnd! They are gunna to say this... and this next one here... oh sweet hell... does it fire ol' Boonsweet up.

They are gunna say: The original is so much better. Always will.

Well, you punk ass haters aka Medi-ogres aka "Meh"-heads. Which original would you be referring to? The original 1984 film? Or the widely accepted to be better, 1992 sequel. Cause if you are telling me that the ORIGINAL sequel is the superior movie... well... you're already half way to wonderland alice.

There. Opening rant done. And really, I can't be mad because I just basked in robot destruction for two hours!

Your story goes... (I refuse to explain anything before this film here) In a last ditch effort in the future, as the machines have finally fallen to the humans, they send a Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor - the Mother of the human's resistance leader. The humans, never one to shy away from tampering with time, send a soldier back to protect her. Only when he shows up he finds out that the time lines are @$#%&! and she has a pet/protector/machineDad Arnold "T-800" Schwarzenegger. From there its time hoping and clip emptying action.

Still. Da. Man.

Confession. I love all the other Terminator films. Yes some are better than others... and yes I don't think anyone can Argue the awesomeness of Part 2 aka Judgement Day... however even a less than stellar Terminator film is still what... 8 levels above the next best action Sci-fi flick? I think so yes. I was also, admittedly, in the minority in loving the last film. So if you wanna just walk away from your computer, hands raised in rage... and never read another Chuck Boonsweet blog. I understand. I think you suck. But I understand.

Kidding. Love Bitches.

Ok before I get into what I enjoyed about this film I do want to touch on a few of the drawbacks. First, and I hate to say this, but Alan Taylor, the director, drops the ball here a few times. One scene in particular is shot underground, and feels awkward and very poorly lit. Yes I am complaining about lighting, but ask ya self... how bad does that lighting have to be for Chuck freaking Boonsweet to complain about it? Also the camera has a tendency to shift extremely fast... or find objects shifting across it. during the large action set pieces. Took me out of it a bit. Think the original Transformers and trying to figure out which robot was winning a fight. And yes. If you really want to pull about a 150 million dollar film involving time travel and an alternate future by pointing to timeline inconsistencies... well... go ahead because they are here.

You know... you're right, this is not my bus.

But really, should it matter? It is an alternate timeline... Alternate.... as in not the same... so the timeline is involving as they continue to move forward. There. So all those inconsistencies are what? Right, the even flow of a newly developing timeline and future... Boom! You're welcome.

So to the awesome. Arnold rocks. The man is almost 70 and is wearing leather and mean muggin' CGI future assassins... F Yes! It is impossible to say that more Arnold is ever a bad thing in a terminator film, and he is absolutely living it up here... seemingly enjoying the heck outta returning to his Iconic role.

Emilia Clarke is one sexy and tough Sarah Connor, and I really liked her in the role. Jai Courtney as the new Reece is adequate. I won't say amazing, but he fills his role nicely. I mean really... this is Arnolds movie everyone else is just along for the ride. That said I liked everyone... the Psychiatrist returning from the first 3 films was a great touch. A little consistency is nice on occasion.

The script, something I as a writer, bring up often, is pretty damn fun. It goes for broke and why not for everyone involved this was the last terminator. Don't let reports fool you, this is a wrap up for the franchise. Could we see more? Sure. With what looks to be a 300-320 million worldwide haul on a 144 million budget... could happen. But if it doesn't. Here we go. All wrapped up in a nice little cyberdine bow.

The action seems (when not suffering from the aforementioned camera crap) really are fun. Guns emptying, robots clashing, grenades exploding... and Arnold with face skin missing. Yup. All requirements met.

This is one of those films that gets held under a microscope that it never warranted... this is a movie about time travelling robots. I don't think we need are brains treating it like a Hawking's presentation.

Man. Seriously. I am on point right now.

One thing, having been really excited to see Matt Smith have a role in this film... was pretty sad to see just how little he is used here. I mean not even one or two more scenes for all the Doc Who fans out there? For same big studio - for shame.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW: Grab your nachos, nibs, soft drink, and prepare to be terminated!

Digging up the Marrow (2014)

TO THE FREAKING BONE!

Let it be known to all you young, independent filmmakers... looking for someone to inspire and emulate, not sure there's too many doing it better out there right now than ADAM GREEN. First he threw down Hatchet 1+2, and the cult following worthy - Frozen (which this here self proclaimed greatest critic of all time loved)... somewhere along the line he drops a lovely piece of genre Television Holliston which then gains a rabid fan base... I wouldn't say I'm one of the rabid... But I have watched... and I have giggled. So needless to say, I keep my eye our for new projects he is attached too. Granted with Digging up the Marrow I took my time getting around to it... but like the tortoise... I gets it done.

Before I get too far ahead of myself... let's chat on plot. Digging up the Marrow is about Adam Green, as himself, and his merry band of producers and filming buddies (all as themselves) that decide to investigate a man claiming to have evidence of "Real" Monsters. Adam wanting to believe monsters could be real talks his friend into setting it up as a documentary... the further they go down the rabbit hole with the ishe/isnthe crazy William Dekker (played by the epically epic legend of the genre himself - Ray Wise) Adam and crew begin to realize there could be much more going on than they thought. Perhaps the answer to the greatest question ever asked: "ARE MONSTERS REAL?"

First. This is obviously a love letter to Clive Barker's NIGHTBREED. And you know, that is all right with me. Mostly because this is handled as an homage and not a rip off. William Dekker? And the main Bad guy in Nightbreed is Dr. Decker. Co-incidence? Me thinks not. This film is a slow burn folks. If you are looking for the non stop blood and carnage of say Mr. Green's Hatchet films, well you will be sadly disappointed. This is really about the journey to the answer... and the last 15 minutes of this film are pure 80s practical gold. No CGI, just great old fashion puppeteering and makeup. I heart this.

After pirates of the Caribbean it was all down hell for Ol' Squid Face

One thing I really want to say here... I knew Adam Green could direct, and dabble in the acting, what I didn't know he could do was craft a film quite like this. A film that revels in its characters and simpleness. This is not a big budget flick, this is a small budget, hand held camera film that you will actually believe and enjoy as just that. Having his friends and family play themselves was a great stroke (sprinkling in some Genre favourites in planned, or improved scenes, great as well).

I was invested in this film right from the beginning for a very simple reason... Adam is a likeable shit dammit. I especially liked how at one point his film making ego takes over and he's pissed to find out that Dekker approached other filmmakers first. Much more angry at this slight than the possibility Dekker is misleading them about monsters. It shows a nice ability to paint himself imperfect, which I think leads to his leading main gravitas... well at least as it works in this here flick. How many times have I (and many other Bloggers) complained about flat... unlikeable, uninteresting, characters? More times than I have wished there was a "Do not like" button on Facebook... and that is saying something.

Stupid Puppy Memes.

The last 15 minutes of this film were so damn good. I was clapping and clinking beers. Not by myself... that would be weird.

Also a great alternative title would have been "Awesome T-shirt man" ... as Adam and his merry band of peers rock some of the sweetest horror and genre friendly tees in the business... Even if a few are self serving :)

(Shout out to www.Fright-rags.com if you haven't scoped this site and you love horror... and Tee-shirts covering your nipples... go now!)

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Horror movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

It's not perfect and the opening two acts are a little slow despite the cool factor... Some of the This is really real wink wink segments are rough. And you just have to deal with shake cam.

But I think for the real horror fans, those guys and gals with classic blu-ray releases littering their shelves, you should find warm feelings in ya heart for this one.

ONE LINE REVIEW: Good Ol' Fashioned practical horror for you 80s babies.

Till next Booniacs!

-CBB

CHUCK THE CRITICS! - Battleship (2012)

Oh man, here it is, a new, shiny thing... from your fav masterfilmator (is that a word? - is now!) ... This segment is where I find films that the internet at large, and all them shiny and surprisingly well compensated mainstream critics hate, and prove perhaps... No battle, for these films that were crushed and left for dead before the public at large could even give them a chance. No don't get me wrong, some films deserve hate (see my CRAP! segment) but we are a hate first society. Medi-ogres, Meh-heads, and just plain old HATERS. Because hating is just fun. And we like it. Well, you ever been watching a critics youtube playlist and thought to yourself - Man, does this person even like movies? Well, I do. So I will bravely fly into the face of the hate abyss, and try, despite the forces allied against me, to find hope... in the darkness... (Yay! Grab your chips)

So to start things off, why not go big? Which is probably what this film should have been called anyway. BATTLESHIP. Hot on the heels of Transformers the internet world was fuming. You see everyone said Transformers sucks! Its just brain dead CGI assault on the senses. Screw Michael Bay.... Blah blah, and then, well the world ignored them. The world said, screw it we wanna pay out 10$ a ticket and see the hell outta this movie. And the Blog-a-shere said "Wait, you mean they don't care what we say? No, we are important dammit we matter!". Then it happened again, Transformers: Dark Of the Moon. A worse movie, with a horrible title, and despite being hated by all critics (except maybe a select few I never read or saw) it made another billion dollars.

Well, then Hasbro decided they should make a 200 million dollar film based on a board game... and before the film even hit, the internet world said - No this is where we make our stand! 

So lets share the bad. Yes. This film is silly, and stupid, requires some suspension of disbelief... but I mean, really, don't most movies? How does batman get back to Gotham from the desert, and sneak into his city, or survive a nuke ... He's batman. How does Bond magically seduce all women... He's bond. No more logic needed. Sometimes I think we just choose which movies have to work harder... and thats... just not fair...

Seriously. Drink in this here awesome. 

This movie is pure big budget fun. You want your 1950s american Bravado, wrapped in an alien invasion, with a little Liam Neeson sprinkled on top? Hell yes you do. I knew in the first ten minutes I was gunna love this movie. Your by the book story goes... A young attractive bad boy (Taylor Kitsch) gets hauled into the navy after a run in with the law. Of course he just can't shake his bad boy ways... but naturally, he wins the love of the general's (Liam Neeson) Daughter (Super sexy blonde Brooklyn Decker). She sees his possibilities beneath all that crappy attitude and problems with authority. Then in the middle of an Navy exercise, aliens land and attack. Will the young troubled Navy boy shed his troubled ways and save mankind...

The suspense is I'm sure killing you.

What does any of this have to do with the board game? Honestly, should anyone care? NO! Its one thing to defend a comic or a book or an original film given the remake treatment. But this, this is a film based on a freaking board game. Ree-laxxxxx people.

Did I mention this film is also directed by Peter Berg? The man behind The Rundown (another criminally underrated flick), Hancock, Friday Night lights... etc. Really this movie is there to make you do two things... clap, and cheer. And it delivers. There is hardly a slow moment in this film. Do we need plot? NO! There's aliens, and they're dicks. Our soldier boys must defeat them! But here's where this film gets surprising, after basically an hour and 30 minutes of destruction, it develops a heart. In one of the most awe inspiring displays of War hero love (and really, shouldn't these old timers be honoured) a group of WWII heroes has to help the young guns in the final battle.

Gold.

Ladies. Gents. Brooklyn Decker. 

Did I mention Gregory D. Gadson, a real war hero, and amputee, who helps battle the aliens that make it to the ground? Well I did now. You see some of these "Haters" are gunna talk about how its cheese, selling out to the american public, but really... is putting some real war heroes into a classic style B invasion movie such a bad thing. The cast seems to be having a blast here. Revelling in the moment.

If this movie was made on a shoe string budget in 1954. It would be a classic, but drop a couple mill on it in the new millennium... and we gunna hate it into oblivion.

As I said there are moments that are stupid and not explained, but who cares. They even manage to get the old BATTLESHIP game board in this movie. Ya. Can you imagine the stress the screen writer was under for that. Speaking of the screen writer... well writer(s)... they knew what they were writing. Peter Berg knew what he was directing... and Liam Freaking Neeson knew what he was signing up for. FUN

F-U-N.

If you don't laugh and cheer while a giant warship is doing full screen battle with a giant alien spaceship with AC/DC blasting through your stereo... Than I think A little part of you has died. Just a little bit. It's only a matter of time until you will be hating on kids films for being too childish... oh wait that's already happening.

Crazy Haters you. Well not you... you're reading my blog. Which means there's hope! You are a Booniac... one of the few that seeks out better. Loves better. Lives with hope. Or at the very least... enjoys popcorn.

This is not a film to hold to the action standards of THE RAID, or the science fiction amazements of MOON. This is a B movie for the 2000s. And the big sci-fi loving kid inside me, is so OK with that.

Real Heroes. Real Bad ass aliens. (that, that shoulda been the tagline, M-Bay, call me homie)

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Action movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

One Line Review: AC/DC blasting, WWII heroes amassin', Alien Blasting, good times. 

#ChucktheCritics
#Battleship

Till next Booniacs!

- Charles Boonsweet