Friday, December 28, 2007

Who's a Dummy... ?


Okay so dummies (also known as creepy dolls you can move by putting a hand up there sawdust free love hole) are scary. It's one of those things that can, if done right, always get a scare. Up there with clowns, cats thrown out of closets on cue... that sort of shizzie.

So a horror flick concerning a Dummy, with ties to some, or well, one, of the people associated with the "Saw" franchise seemed like it might be fun. Chuck B. Boonsweet loves his horror flicks. Blame the religious upbringing, blame growing up country, whatever, I love the stuff. So I get pissed right off when time and time again, a movie that had the possibility to really rock my freak loving mind, fails, and up top of that, lends itself to the disturbing trend of overly complex, flash sequence, what the heck just happen, endings... Well before we get to that lets make a review baby.

So first let me say, this movie will make you jump, a couple of times, and probably seriously nip rub your creep factor. All the tried tested and ever so over used horror plot points are here; Old town legend, wronged person seeks revenge from beyond the grave, check, big city cop doesn't buy it, check, old man in the town that knows the whole story, check, a nifty little rhyme that can be used for the straight to video sequels, check.

Say I'm scary. Sayit. Saaaaaaaay it!

The list goes on.

The cool thing is despite that, it somehow manages to get your attention. And hold it. The killer, a freaked out dummy and old lady combo appear to be the grand parents of the girl from "The Ring" because they kill people the same way, but whatever. It had me, Boonsweet the brave, feeling his spine hair rise a few times. Enough to allow me to overlook the rather crap script. I mean, if this was a straight to video, hey, maybe my expectations would allow some of the crap they try to get away with here... But this bitch made it to theatre, and the directing is good enough, even awesome at times, that you can't help but notice the flaws in everything else.

Eventually you are overcome by the confused plot, that as much as you are enjoying the scares and creepiness... you just find yourself waiting for the next cool crazy bitch appearance... and the tongue thing... well its fun.

Even as the end was approaching I found myself, really thinking, you know, heck, we're on the eve of a new year, if this thing has a killer ending, Boonsweet shall be kind... SONS OF BITCHES, sons of dammed movie crap punk write end movie junk.......So we get to the end, and you know that crap I mentioned earlier... at the beginning. Yeah so they explain the whole origin, person behind it all in the last 30 seconds in a blast of images, then bam credits...

Dear Hollywood, not every horror film you make has to have an ending obviously created for a sequel. They used to kill slashers off all the time in the 80s and they came back. Remember when Jason got machete'd to the face like 20 times by that crazy Corey from the Surreal life? And then he came back, by getting hit with lightening. No need for confusion. No need to give a long cut sequence... just end your damn movie on sense. Then invent a way to bring them back the next time I pay to watch dang movie.... thank you sincerely, Chuck Boonsweet.

movie scale 1.5 out of five stars
horror scale 2.5 out of five stars

ONE LINE REVIEW - Even if someone had their hand up my butt, I would not watch this again. 

- hey all the crap out there you can do worse, Ring Two anyone? And you will be creeped a few times.

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