Monday, December 17, 2007



A-low, you wank junkies... brush the Doritos off the plaid PJs, and buff that "personal" stain out... Boonsweet has something on his mind... Ninjas.

If you're like me you have noticed something lacking in the world of modern entertainment. Like a hole where the heart used to be in the flesh husk of pop culture (ah, making words sound swell is the bestest)... where in the hell have ninjas been. I mean, okay, occasionally we get pretty swordplay (crouching tiger, hidden dragon), kool kung fu beat downs with heart (fearless), or some twist-cancer filled, coulda been awesome, one on one flick (War), but none of these are ninjas. No full body suit, with a sword on your back. No awesome throwing stars that seem on endless supply from the storage space of the ninja belt.

It seems as well that we have been over run by Ninjists (those with prejudicial and ignorant views of the Ninja race). I mean, shit, you bitches remember the 80s. Ninjas were freakin every where. Droppin from buildings, surrounding white Asian trained cops, circle beating teenage turtles. I watched TV for a full 47 minutes yesterday, and did not see one Ninja. I was like, screw this noise. I'm going outside and kicking some one in the face.

things... are about to get weird. 
Side note, um, some ideas, though sounding good at the time, result in, well, less than satisfying results. Moral, do not kick random passers by in the face, in an effort to fill any ninja void... 
There is a better option; Me bitches. And my Ninja flick pick of the week.

This weeks ninja pick... "Shinobi: heart under blade (2005)" Asian, with english subs (though I believe it is available dubbed)

Alright so why this movie is awesome, first it has full out, old skool Ninjas, doing ninja stuff. Like throwing knifes, stars, and little pole things... not really sure what we call those. Jumping, kicking, and the like. Second, if you have seen Ninja Scroll (though not a current Ninja flick of the week selection, it should be a Ninja flick of your life choice), you will dig this flick. They obviously drew a lot from that anime, even having a female Ninja "Kagero" who's power is in poisons. She kills peeps with sex, kissing, all that personal contact shizzie. Thirdly, super Ninja showdowns. I love showdowns. And this movie has some sweet ass show downs.

Guess I should mention some plot here, basically Romeo and Juliet, if they were from rival super Ninja clans. Due to some evil normal humans, the top five from each clan set out to fight and kill each other. Each Ninja has there own distinct power, Love of death, arm string things, masquerade...etc... Watching some of the fights is crazy. I mean its Asian computer effects, hardly the matrix, but you know, it looks good enough to not distract you from the uber awesomeness of Ninja duelling.

And for the most part the movie is battle to battle. It is Asian however so of course, as with any Asian flick you know you're running a 50/50 that you'll have to witness some over the top melodramatic ending to an otherwise kick ass flick. No escaping it here. Its like, ok turn down the suck, turn back up the fu.

But cute chicks, some pretty cool effects, and kickassness.  So find it, enjoy it, and dust off the Katana.

ONE LINE REVIEW - Chop-tacular!

Movie scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Ninja scale: 4.5 out of 5 stars

-Chuck Boonsweet

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