Shut the front door!

SAFE HOUSE (2012)

Denzel Washington is the man. And when he's whompin ["whompin" A street term meaning to beat up, or physically damage, another] folks he's even more man... like. Ryan Reynolds is an actor I have slowly come to very much enjoy and respect (NINES, BURIED, BLADE 3 :P), so but them in a movie. A well written movie at that, and let them have car chases and lots of conspiracy bad dudes to whomp. All will end well... right...?

Right?

No.

No it will not.

Story is as such. Denzel is a former CIA badass, the badassiest of them all. He went bad. And now he's the most wanted. New CIA guy (RR) is posted at a SAFE HOUSE that never has any action at all. His days are passed in boredom. Then all of a sudden Denzel gets captured and they bring him to the SAFE HOUSE to store him until transport can be arranged. Denzel, the cagey vet that has written the book of CIA tactics, and Ryan is the new kid just looking for his first bit of action.

Okay so movie is well written. Movie is well acted. Plot, though not wholly original, is pretty good. Those damn gun shots made me jump lol.... sooooo....

OMG did the directing such. How do you take all that killer potential and F it up...? U hire a complete douchebag obsessed with shaky cameras. Isn't this crap over yet. Aren't we as a movie going public done with watching the damn camera jump all over the place... all the time. And then combine that with say seven to eight cuts every few seconds... ahhhhhhhhhh

Good. Imagine a sweet fight. I mean a mano a mano throwdown while the cameras jumps left, right up, spins, down, flips, up.... reeeeediculous. You know it works for a war movie, something that demands chaos. A filming style to match it. Not when two men are grappling in a kitchen.

Sigh.

So let me sum this up.

Cool flick.

Manly dudes.

One really cool car fight.

Gun shots make you jump. Twice.

Denzel is the man.

And this director needs to invest in a tripod. Several.

in closing....

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

action movie scale 3 out of five stars

- Chuck BB

February for christmas? Yup.

A HAROLD AND KUMAR CHRISTMAS (2011)

Ok. I have to question the logic in releasing a stoner Christmas movie in February, let alone the week before V-day. Hahaha oh Hollywood and your wacky decisions ... Sure let's keep letting M. Night Shalallamamallaman whatever keep making movies ahhhhhh...

Anyway.

Harold is a prissy business Asian, and Kumar is his helplessly irreverent stoner peer of influence. In this their third adventure, they have been separated by time, and Harold's maturity, and Kumar has traded any ambitions in for a life of weed, and well... weed. The holidays come 'round, and Harold is ready to try hard to impress his wife's father (Machete himself Danny Trejo). So, a magical box appears on Kumar's step addressed to Harold. He decided to bring it to him... it contains a giant joint... Hijinx ensue.

If any of the following offends you... well you probably should not have decided to watch a H & K movie.

1) Children on drugs. Many drugs.

2) Santa being horrible injured

3) Waffles

4) Racism

and the list goes on.

Now here's the reasons you should watch this movie.

1) NPH . The man. The myth. The legend. Neil Patrick Harris.

2) For some reason, Harold and Kumar are just so damn likable.

3) NPH making fun of all that is his Gayness. Best part of movie lol

4) Claymation sequence. It rocks.

5) Children on drugs.

For some reason over the years I have found myself growing quite found of their exploits and the Christmas special is no exception. Though, honestly, I feel (though I do not encourage substance abuse of any kind lol) sobriety is far from recommended to properly enjoy this film. NPH is again just talent whenever he pops up. And taking on his "fake" gay cover. Too funny. The film has many flaws. This is a H & K flick and so really, should you be thinking about the plot? No. Remember when they rode a cheetah in the first one? Or found a one eyed child of incest in the 2nd? hahaha brain no required. Just warm, holiday, drug riddled joy. Finally the stoners of the world have a Christmas movie to call their own.

The supporting characters are all good, however, other than NPH, who cares. You sign up to watch the two lovable leads go through hell on Christmas eve.

Did I mention Santa gets shot in the face. With a shotgun. Classic.

:)

Defs not the funniest movie out there, or the best. But a few laughs for the average audience and more than a few for fans of the series.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5

Comedy scale 3 out of five stars

Rock 'em Sock 'em

REAL STEEL (2011)

K.

First I need to start by saying that long ago there was a game. The game was thus: A ring, two robots, two controllers, two kids grab the controls and jam buttons, robots punch each other in the face until a head pops up, and then bam! Game over.

I refuse to Wiki whether or not this film is based on the Game "ROCK EM SOCK EM ROBOTS" however if it is not. Rockemsockem man, wherever you are, you neeeeeeeedz 2 call somebody. And get ya punk self paid! That is all.

And den...

Ok so this is a straight forward popcorn hoarding, nachos crunching, heart messaging blockbuster. Hugh "Damn I'm a pretty man, and so cool, I know it's not fair" Jackman is a down on his luck "robot boxer" in the near future. A future that apparently is exactly the same as ours except human boxers have been replaced by machines. Everything else... The same.... except for... Boxers.

Cars the same. Buildings the same. People the same. Fashion the same. Except... Robot boxers...

Ok. Kool. Whatever. I ain't the future specialist.

So down on his luck robot boxer man finds out he has a son, in a con to get more money to put towards his bot fighting, he ends up with his son for the summer, who he really doesn't want. But its worth the money.

Ok yes, the son helps him turn his luck around, and yes, they bond on the road to enlightenment, and yes, the Father realizes he has been missing something he never knew he'd lost...

Did I mention there is also a giant evil robot made by an Asian guy that is unbeatable, and they find a small old school bot at the bot dump that turns out to be one tough hombre, and together they....

Ok.

Enuff. No it is not the most original. Or even the 22nd most original flick. But sometimes, that doesn't matter. Avatar used a standard SCI-FI plot, redressed it in amazing visuals and made 2 billion dollars. Every once in a while a good ol' fashioned family friendly cheer fest is just.... needed. Demanded! lol

It is not original, true, but it is the first in a long while to pump me up like this. The acting, writing, is so dam spot on for a "cheer for the underdog" flick I couldn't help it. I remember the first time I watched Rocky. I was 12, and I was standing up from my couch by the end. Is this ROCKY? No. But its a fine mix of the spirit of the classic, with a few hundred million of Spielberg's money. This movie is so dang pretty. The robots loooook fantastic. The sound too. I don't know that I am always fully aware of the effect sound has on me during a moving. Sitting there, my stereo cranked, bobbing and weaving with each metal crunching impact... Impressive work.

This is the film for you and the small robot loving boy in you, and some emotional comas delivered by HJ for the ladies beside you. I dare saw you might even catch yourself with a small fist pump... :)

A great time for the whole family. And for anyone looking to really enjoy a great visual, and stereo treat. Also... GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING!

If you can't gather my thoughts let me summarize...

Its been done, but I had a lot of fun.

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

Action/drama scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

So pumped. Gunna go kick my toasters... um... darkness setting... :P

Chuck B. Boonsweet out.

Who's afraid of the big bad plague?

BLACK DEATH (2010)


Well, I figured I'd start things off with a movie I only just watched recently called, obviously, Black Death. This is the first sword-wielding days of yore type flick I've watched since my fellow cohort Mr. Boonsweet and I had an 80's sword and sorcery weekend. Which was awesome by the way, I recommend you all do the same. But I digress, let's get on with the review.

We begin with a brief inner monologue by novice monk Osmund (played by Eddie Redmayne), who muses about whether the plague came from God or the devil. It then cuts to some of the plague's handiwork, with the dead and dying laying out in the streets, and even a dead priest. Realizing that not even the church is safe from the disease, Osmund goes to his secret love Averill (played by Kimberley Nixon) and forces her to leave for her own safety. He then prays for a sign of what he will do next. And boy does he get one, in the form of Sean Bean!!

Bean plays Boromi....I mean Lord Sta......I mean Ulrich, a knight of the Church, who upon hearing of a village seemingly immune to the plague, plans to investigate the rumors for himself. Osmund, having knowledge of the area, volunteers to guide Ulrich and his men there. On the way he learns the true reason of the visit: the village is possibly under the control of a demon and a necromancer. Sounds pretty awesome, but I learned that you can't always expect awesome looking monsters just because people say it's there.

The journey meets with a few stops; Ulrich stopping to grant a mercy kill to a suspected witch, and having to put down one of his own men after learning that he caught the plague. They later set up camp, conveniently near an area of the forest where Osmund agreed to meet with Averill. Instead of Averill, he runs into a band of savage woodland bandits, which proceeds to enter into an all out melee between the two groups. This fight utilizes a somewhat popular camera style that's been seen a lot nowadays....

THE DAMN SHAKY CAM STYLE!!!! I hate when directors decide to inject pure caffeine and speed into the cameraman whenever a fight scene is shot. It doesn't make the fight more exciting, it annoys me and makes me want to not watch. I can understand the "found footage" movies, as they are shot on a video camera you'd realistically expect the camera to be shaky, especially when running away from something. But in a movie like Black Death, it's completely unnecessary, and takes me out of the movie. Whew, sorry about that. Moving on...

So after a little more travel, they make it to the village. And, to their surprise, the people in the village seem quite friendly and innocent, offering food and shelter to Ulrich's party. Of course, in my paranoid mind, alarm bells would sound off with their level of hospitality. And as you'd expect, the true character of the villagers shows itself.

I have read a lot of debating on internet forums as to whether or not their really was a demon in that village. As we didn't actually see a stereotypical ugly, horned, red-skinned variety, it isn't certain. With that in mind, I am actually going to stop my review here, and encourage those of you who haven't seen this movie to do so, and form your own opinion and debate with others who have seen it. And if any of you reading this have already done so, feel free to comment with your own opinions on the movie.

Movie scale: 3.5/5 stars
Horror scale: 2.5/5 stars


-Your friendly neighbourhood Bucklesworth.

K. K. Bucklesworth lives!!!

Greetings, all. I know what some of you might be thinking. You might be thinking, "Isn't Bucklesworth just a figment of Boonsweet's imagination?". Or, "I thought Bucklesworth is a split personality of Boonsweet's?". And while I can neither confirm nor deny Boonsweet having a split/multiple personality, I CAN confirm that I, Kendrick Kendall Bucklesworth, do indeed exist.

As for where I've been all this time, anyone who has the slightest interest can post their own theories, and I will let you know how close you were. In the meantime, I am happy to say that this blog will no longer be a dictatorship, as I will also post my own reviews and opinions on movies from the past and present. So move over Chuck B., there are plenty of movies for the both of us.

K.K.B

Would a strange columbian flower, by any other name still be a strange... columbian flower?

COLUMBIANA (2011)

God there are so many things wrong with this movie.
So the question is then, why did I enjoy it so?

So plot. Evil drug lord in Columbia kills a man and a woman who happen to have a child, who watches them die. Child happens to be like ridiculous limber, and ninja like, escapes, grows up to kill people all the while working her way back to the evil drug lord. I know right, don't you feel this needs to be from the 70s, possibly eighties... Well it's not, 2011 baaaabee, and here we are. Okay, you need to shut your brain off.

And turn your heart on.

Yup, I went there, ol' boony is asking that your head shall lead not your heart from violent, sexy joy. I know, I know, my way with words is like art. But the fact remains there is a good movie in here, and why, and how, do they accomplish that while making little to no coherent sense? Zoe Saldana. Damn. She is so good in this film, that the rest, really, F--- it. It's just fun. The violence is great, the bad guys are so completely stereotypically over the top I feel Steven Seagal (circa On Deadly Ground) would slide right in here. Though probably rather awkwardly into Zoe's one piece spandex.
This is a powerhouse performance from a beautiful woman, in what is a B movie. You can't take your eyes off her, and furthermore, she actually made me believe her tiny, "Yes you may lick the whip cream from the nip" fine, self could be capable of such cold hearted death dealing.
There will b some genuine head scratcher moments....
#1. Um... how did he just shoot those cars in daylight, with all those witnesses and not get caught?
#2. Why didn't she just unlock the gate before she drove through it?
#3. Why aren't the sharks eating her? (okay in fairness I know sharks are not all evil. In fact they are horribly misunderstood creatures and not the man eaters the world has made them to be.... Blah blah... I repeat, why in the H-E_ double hockey sticks... That's HELL, are the sharks not eating her)
#4. Statement : I want to be a killer... Rebuttal: Ok.
#5. Can toothbrushes really do that?

Ya that last one... damn.

But its fun. It's action packed, and Zoe is great. Strangely enough her A-typical relationship with a man that doesn't know who she is - Actually enjoyable. The ending to the movie was actually quite good I thought. Dare I say unexpected in such a straight forward revenge flick. Course the song helps :)

All in all, popcorn gold. And if you are male, probably even more so.

Movie scale 2.5 our of 5 stars (only because really, Zoe is the man, so to speak in this flick. Her performance does make you forget the cheese around her, sometimes)
Action scale 3 out of 5 stars... It really is a blast watching her whomp folks. And just... so much sexy.

- Chuck "Give me mo' Sal- dananananana" Boonsweet.

I scream, you scream, we all scream 4

SCREAM 4 (2011)

Okay. First I apologize for that title. If children are crying in the distance, please be assured it is due to a lack of world peace and not my cheesy blog titles... Probably.
Second, Boonsweet is back bitches... I mean women of deep value and male followers of importance.

Wes Craven is da man. Yes some of his efforts suck. Yes "My soul to take" scared me with suck in the third dimension, however as far as straight contributions to the horror genre go, is there a greater? Before you say "Oooooo M G" Boony what about Romero. Or Alfred Mc H, or well, its a long list (if you don't know who that clever pet name is for, just stop... stop now, and slap yourself seven times, downward, across your upper lip). Let us review. Super young Wessy Cravenoff makes the original "Last house on the left" from what was a porn script. Bam! Horror icon. "The hills have eyes" Bam, Horror icon. Freddy. Freddy freakin Krueger. I mean that alone solidifies him for life. Despite failings.

So a few years ago, over a decade in fact the horror genre was bombing. The slasher genre was all but gone the way of the Doo Doo bird (if that is incorrect spelling screw you its 4am, I'm too lazy to google that shizzie). Then he and a young writer Keven Williamson decided to turn the slasher genre on itself. Find strength in embracing, and in some cases, mocking, the inherent flaws in the Slasher. The result SCREAM. The result thereafter the rebirth of a film industry. Think I'm exaggerating? Nope. Look at what was out. Nothing. Shortly after, and no I am not saying they are great, but the downpour of horror after breathed life into a genre that had been flatlining. And in a way, pathed the way for it to still be here.

Now I have a soft spot for the series as it was the first R rated film ol' Boony here ever saw (snuck in underage as a bonus to my personal mythology :P )

Still I had already been a fan of the Jasons, Freddys and Michaels for years. And this film knocked my socks off. Funny hip, scary, bloody, and sexy ladies. The sequels were not as good, but still, far better than others. More than holding my interest. So after ten years, they finally brought it back. Director, writer, and stars intact (a feat in itself) and boy did they do it again.

The humor is back. The jump moments are back. The sexy is back. And if I do say so myself perhaps one of the best openings in horror history. In three minutes giving you more WTF, and teen chick idol deaths than most films will in a full 97 minutes. With charm, clever, and fun. FUN that is what is missing from most mainstream horror these days. The giggle between the gasp. The smile after a gutting. No I'm sick, ok, much, but damn its refreshing. Wes steps right back into the director chair with his old smooth at the helm. Classic film angles. Drawn out shots.

The whole gang holds this film down. The cast knows it's a new story, but they don't let the bonds you've built over the years be forgotten. Did I mention they actually got me in this movie? Twice, once with what might be the best closing line a black guy has ever gotten in a horror movie, or cop for that matter. And second, a killer I did not, I mean did not see coming. It was so clever I smile.

Horror fans, if you have written off the Scream franchise, it may be time to revisit. I believe fully that the original trilogy stands on its own as one of the most underrated, and at the same time loved, set of slasher flicks. Watching this, the fourth, ten years later, I was surprised to find myself feeling again like that kid. Scared he would get kicked out any moment, shoving popcorn in as the body count rises. I screamed (in my head with a voice that will never be revealed) and laughed, and had a few tender to myself moments.... hahaha okay. No. But still...

A more than worthy addition to Wes's library as it is to mine...
and Hayden P is just so damn pretty. Should that count I don't know. The steadfast honest reviewer says no... But the man-ness... the blood of my loins says... oui oui! (that's right, multi-lingual lol)

Enjoy. Its Fun. It's bloody. Did I mention all practical makeup? Bonus points.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Horror scale 4 out of 5 stars ... Maybe a little high. But as a mainstream slasher, and really, the last one standing. It deserves my genre love. Yes if you hated the clever cool of the others, admittedly, not for you. But if you like a little Pop-culture-wink-wink- in your blood n bits cereal... dig it sucka.

- Chuck B Boonsweet out!