If there is one thing the Boonsweet likes it is internet por- I mean swords, and swashbuckling adventure. I mean even the cheesy classics, Arnold as Conan. Kevin Sorbo as Hercules, (that one, I know, its horrible, it lessens me in all you eyes, I know, I can't help it), Crouching Tiger, Hidden dragon, whatever. From the first time I saw a sword fight on my old school tube tele, I was in some blade like love state. So any new flick along those lines comes my way, I'm always excited.
I had seen a few previews for this one, and was looking forward to it.
Looked like a straight forward select few protect important child from viking type dudes. Ding ding, I was right. So, takes place in Rome, ha, hence my clever review title, and concerns the new child Caesar, the last of the Caesar bloodline. He becomes king, and the city is attacked by bad guys pissed at Rome. Rome falls, incredibly fast too... like its freaking Rome, at least hold up against some barbarians for five minutes of film, and a slow motion fight sequence. Boy is captured, a few good Romans, and one hot foreigner, go to rescue the boy king, and defeat their enemies. Oh along the way the boy, with the help of an old wise man (Ben "I can act, but oh my god I was in Thunderbirds" Kingsley), finds an all powerful sword.
Insert a few big fight scenes, some speeches on dying for your country, fighting tyranny, bad guys that come straight out of the sword flick bad guy yellow pages. I mean I think they just called Braveheart and said loan us some of the red heads.
But for all my yappin, it is a lot of fun. Dumb fun, but sometimes isn't that the best kind. Well that and the kind of fun you can only have with internet por- Charities. Charities. Ha. The lack of a budget was the biggest drawback here. I couldn't ignore it. At times, sets, camera angles, and weak special effects, just gave it a television feel. Like Sinbad... come on someone has to remember, long hair, tight ass leather pants, chick with a pet bird? Their are some really enjoyable fight scenes.
Its basically a by the numbers sword, knights, boy king, flick. Warrior man, and warrior woman, finding love. Sacrificial minorities. Betrayals by friends that hug. Had to laugh because there is one part they, for a moment, has you thinking the wise man shot fireballs out of his hands... I was in shock. Not only that he was shooting fireballs, but that he apparently ripped them off from Drew Barrymore in Firestarter. She's all walking around on set, some bitch took my hot balls.... Tim ! Tim ! Where are they. Answer Ben Kingsley has them in "The last legion". Really, only take the time if you love this genre. I do. So I enjoyed, its fluff. Fun, can watch with the kiddies (lots of slicing, not to much blood, no sex :( ).
movie scale 2 out of 5 stars
Fantasy/swashbuckling scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Oh and for some reason they decide to tie this film to the Camelot, sword in the stone, tale, in like the last 138 seconds... I was a little confused. Whatever.
I'm off to that charity work I mentioned earlier
-Chuck B. Boonsweet-