Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Ninja Movie Of the Month AUG '13


First let it be known... my computer has AIDS. Ok. Not really aids more like, emotional issues... but moral of the story. I have been without my trusted companion in far too long... so now... I am returned to continue the education, re-education (and yes in some instances- DeEducation), of your film loving selves.... let us return with a boom. Or a Hiya... or a thumwampa (the sound of a flying roundhouse)... Again.
My apologies.
Seriously... missed you Booniacs, and Buckleheads.

How could I not do a NMOTM review on a film called The super Ninja. Exactly, had to. Gunna save my charming wit for after the intro... so-here-we-goooooo

So martial arts master is a cop on the force with a black partner in what is suppose to be New York (you can of course prove its New York what with the shots of the twin towers... Totally new york). He crosses the wrong people - the wrong people being a drug dealing Ninja that runs everything. Including the police. This evil drug dealing Ninja also has "Five element" Ninjas in his back pocket that can seriously F up your evening. So, our star John, has to battle his way out of a corrupt police force, and find his way through Five Elemental Ninjas to the final showdown.

Before watching this film there are a few things you need to ask yourself...
1. Do you enjoy hilarious stereotypes that are unintentional?
2. Do you enjoy horrible dubbing that spits out ridiculous racist lines?
3. Do you like Ninja's that can throw fire balls?
4. Do you like boobs?
5. Do you like english actors that are in asian films, and are clearly speaking their lines in english, but are dubbed over with bad english?
6. Do you kung fu?
7. Do you enjoy Asians pretending to be Bruce Lee, in aviators?

If you answered yes to at least 4 of those questions, then you my dear Ninja fan are in for a great time. When I reviewing a film of this kind there are two options; those that are actually classics (36 Chamber of the Shoalin, Master of the Flying Guillotine, etc) and then there are those that are so ridiculously cheesy and unintentionally funny that they achieve a classic status all their own. The key with the later is that it needs one key component to make all the horrible flaws enjoyable... good fights! And this one has it folks. The choreography is surprisingly good. In the beginning very amateurish directing almost kills it, but by the half why point he has a handle on things. And he has lots of practice lol, this movie is 80% action. Feet flying, element ninjas surfing water on a reed, Fireballs being tossed, machine gun shoot outs. Everything you could want.

The Fire Ninja in particular is very kool. His hands actually light on fire and stay that way for a bit. Even through the fights. The kung fu is hilariously sped up at some points, but I mean, by that point I was dialled in for the ride. John's black partner is so damn 70s black guy that you will laugh out loud at some of the things he says. You can tell this was some asian guys best attempt to write an american buddy action flick. Only problem is all he had to go on where the films he had seen. So we get an asian version of 70s action flicks... set in the fictional land of Neeeeeew York.


Surprising amount of nudity in this film, I'll assume on the success of the R rated action film in North America, that this was another attempt to cash in on that "Type" of film in Asia. Hoping of course for worldwide appeal. Boobs everywhere, graphic sex, and tons of violence and black guy props.

If you are a fan of C grade kung fu from the 70s/80s and have not seen this film you are doing yourself a horrible disservice. This is really for the cheese fans only. Sure the hardcore foot to face fans will find something to like, but the horrid dubbing, and hilarious action (John at one point disarms a cop by flinging a folder, a paper folder, at his hand) will have you shaking your head. Me, well it had me cheering....


Movie scale 1.5 out of 5 stars
Ninja movie scale 3.5 out of five stars.

The fights were damn fun. And the addition of Boobs, and a few very cool 1 on 1 showdowns pushed this one over the top...

Right on Brotha!

-Chuck B is keeping it reel on these here streets.


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