Wednesday, February 13, 2013



Even the poster is a lie. There aren't that many zombies in this flick.
Well friends, I felt bad for allowing Chucky B. to continually suffer through these CRAP! reviews month by month.  So in the spirit of camaraderie, I decided to take one for the team and relive my experience with NotLD: RA.

First off, I never thought I'd be doing this kind of review that has Jeffrey Combs' name attached to it.  Of course, I also say that every great actor eventually has at least one bad movie on their resume.  I haven't actually seen everything Combs has been in, but for now, this is his one.  So to the story.  Gerald Tovar Jr. inherits the family funeral home after his father Gerald Tovar Sr. passes away.  It seems Tovar Sr. had a side business with the government burning medical waste, and at some point a certain thicker than normal body bag released whatever waste was in it causing the bodies to return to life.  So Tovar Jr. shut down the crematorium and has been hiding the bodies in that room there so he can personally put the undead down permanently.  His brother Harold (Combs) shows up looking for money, and he unwittingly gets involved.  Naturally, all hell eventually breaks loose, and will the day be saved blah blah blah....

This has been one of the worst movie experiences of the last several years for me.  Where do I begin?  Well, I suppose I could start with the acting.  Jeffrey Combs and Andrew Divoff were ok enough, but even they couldn't work enough of their usual magic to make the movie tolerable.  Everyone else didn't do anything acting wise to make me like them, especially 'DyeAnne", played by Robin Sydney.  For all her good looks, she was probably the worst of the bunch.

Next, the settings.  There's the funeral home, and Tovar's house.  That's it.  No zombie flick should ever be that localized, zombie wise.  The original NotLD mostly took place at the farmhouse sure, but at least there weren't just a handful of zombies locked away in one room of the house just taking up space.  They were outside surrounding the house, as well as all over the place according to the news reports.  It just seems to me that zombies are made for widespread carnage, and it's just wasted here.

Next the effects.  Some of the makeup effects weren't too bad, others weren't too good.  But the CGI, sweet monkey crap.  Terrrrrible.  I've seen better CGI from The Asylum.  For example, there's a scene with Combs laying in a horrible CGI grave that made me think "this is what you do to a legend like Jeffrey Combs"?  It was almost an insult.

There ain't no CGI grave, can hold my body down....

Miscellaneous complaints?  The inclusion of "Not Sarah Palin" for one.  It was so out of place that it just made no sense to even add it in.  Not to mention there's a) absolutely no sport in making fun of Sarah Palin, and b) it's already been done to death (no pun intended).  Surely you could have done something better, or just not include it at all.  Next, near the end of the movie, Tovar Jr. puts down a growing number of undead, with a shotgun that apparently has an infinite ammo cheat code unlocked, as he fires approximately 28 times, with no reloading whatsoever.  And no he didn't reload off screen, as there was no time for him to do so.  It didn't even look like there were that many zombies even walking around.  I would have to assume he missed a few times off screen, because he sure as hell didn't miss on screen.

Also, apparently the Romero flicks exist in this movie, which I thought was a fine touch.  Then it was ruined by Combs talking about real zombie outbreaks that coincidentally took place during the times the Romero movies were made.  Maybe he was using  the  dates and places the movies took place in to placate his brother, but I don't know, and I don't care.  Oh, there's a zombie baby Tovar Jr. keeps in a beer fridge too, which is one of the biggest "wtf" moments, and is never shown again or explained.  Finally, don't think I didn't notice adding Re-Animation to the title, and having Jeffrey Combs in it.  The director wishes it was in the same league as any of the Re-Animator movies

I implore you, do NOT watch this movie.  If you've never taken my word on anything before, take it now.  I've lost precious time sitting through this, and my warning you against watching this is my early Valentine's Day gift to you.  I'm going to go scrub my brain with some good movies, and maybe some alcohol.  With any luck, the alcohol will kill the brain cells containing the memories of this flick.  Whew, I haven't gone off on a movie like this in a while. 

Movie Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
Zombie Horror Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

-I'm Ken Bucklesworth, and I'm feeling generous with my stars today.

Twitter: @Boons Buckles  @KenBucklesworth  @Tallwhitefox

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