Its that time of year again, love is in the air... or in a hole in the ground containing the ashes of photos you are determined to un-exist. Chocolates prove your sorry for what you said when you were drunk, and if you didn't make reservations by now, well, you are about to be the victim of lovedayrage (a very real and legit condition!). So whether happily getting it on the regular... or semi regular... or living with someone who used to believe in nakedness... I say the couple that horrors together, stays together... and for the single folks... what better way to say F this commercialized B.S. than getting in on a few violent pieces of Valentine gore :)
MY BLOODY VALENTINE (to be known as MBV for the rest of this review) is a weird entry in the 80s slasher scene. Even with a remake, their are many horror fans who have not sought this gem out, and on the other hand, those that have really do love it a lot. A lot a lot.
This flick opens with two miners in their place of business, and in full gear walking carefully through the mine; pickaxes in hand. Then one stops and begins to strip, and it has boobs! Keeping the mask on... creepy, kinky, and so wonderfully strange all in one go. From there we are introduced to the love triangle, and the fact that the town is holding it's first Valentines Day dance in 20 years. This, we quickly learn, is due to a massacre that involved a disgruntled miner, Harry, that had a habit of giving cut-from-chest-hearts to people in Valentines chocolate boxes. The killer disappeared it would seem leaving a threatening note promising violence if they ever held a February 14th dance again... But I mean, kids need to party right?
Editors note: We learn about this history in a flashback sequence as the bartender tries to warn these damn kids... I like when they follow the horror rules... lol
The authenticity of this flick really makes it that much more special. Shot entirely on location in Sydney Mines, Nova Scotia, the small town Canadian touch is drenched over the film, in the best possibly way. The little touches like a dog running out and trailing alongside the sheriffs truck. Or the real mines used. No CGI and sound stages here. This mine was actually 900 feet down, directly under the ocean lol No joke I watched the extras... And the people look like real people. No 30 year old sexpots playing teens here, these are small-town young adults just trying to get a little drunk, and a little lucky... and they're likable. Because they feel genuine. No real assholes being pointlessly douchebag-ish. No Jocks making retarded decisions - wait do they actually reference safe sex? Yes... and no girls running through the woods looking back and screaming. Nope just a guy in a onesie and a mask, gutting folks with his axe. And occasionally cleaning up corpses by way of washing machine after...
|So this is what happens when I mix lights and darks... shit.|
There are a few pure 80s issues...
- A 10 minute romance of the week moment by a lake, complete with CBS level music
- The fact that no one in this small tight knit town seems all that bothered by a women they all know being viciously killed.
- And yes, despite enjoying the acting, it is fairly cheesy in a few moments
- Okay, you know people are getting offed by a guy who did it before, why exactly aren't you shutting the town down sheriff? I mean it's not like there's a tourist season to counter act these shark attacks...
|So, Eye see... you're right, who needs a dance anyway.|
Great gore, some great lines, and a criminally underrated HD transfer. The added cut violence is still in its VHS state though, I enjoyed that. As soon as the picture quality changes its ONNNNN!
And there is one scene in particular... all I have to say is - say it, don't spray it - zing!
Did I mention it has one kick-ass ending filled with a rocking showdown and evil laughter?
I mean what more do you need? Grab a box-o-chocolates, gorge, and gore.
Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Horror scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
The Bluray not only looks good, but comes with some Killer features, highly recommended...
This was my first CHILLER CLASSIC and I had a blast with it guys... hope you did too, and if you are a fan of MBV or soon become one, let me know what you think... here or @tallwhitefox.
And don't forget to follow our movie exploits at @boonsbuckles and @KenBucklesworth
- Charles B-Mine Boonsweet.