Holy what in the hell!

HOLY MOTORS (2012)

I enjoy a wee bit of strange, yup, Boony likes his film steak with a side oh mashed strange. However, the weird, the strange, has to make sense. Has to at least give you hope that upon the 3rd of 4th or 27th viewing you might just you know... Get it...

Holy Motors missed that boat folks. It could have been so very freaking awesome, and it comes... I mean... It's right there... and then, BAM! Fall on face non-sensical.

The plot as I can somewhat gather is that a man  Mr. Oscar, played Denis Lavant, spends a night (as he does every night) traveling and playing many different roles, literally. He has driver from appointment to appointment by way of a white limo. Inside between stops he radically changes his appearance, and character, to match that of the person he will be playing. These include, a dying uncle, a strange one eyed freak, a thug, a father, um... a man married to a monkey...
Ya.
I need to say Denis Lavant deserves an Oscar nod. The film may be nonsense, but his efforts as an actor in this film are nothing short of extraordinary. I really enjoyed the first half of this film. I may not have really had any idea of what the heck was happening but it was fun, and cool. One scene has him playing the role of a motion capture guy, it is rather spell binding. Then, there is a particular scene "Interval" that features a full band accordion solo... I know right... how often does anyone get to type that. Great stuff, and the kind of moments that just made you root for the movie to get to a point.

Greatest Musical interlude ever - Polka Bitches!

Listen, I know Leos Carax (the director) is kind of a critical darling genius type. But, in fairness the majority of his films have had a cohesive structure. This film just seems like a gathering of awesome set pieces and acting on a grand scale, with no purpose. I mean really... You could argue the god angle. You could argue the points made for the roles we play, players on the grandest stage - blah blah, but really; what is this movies purpose?

It is a shame to waste the ideas, and the acting, of this caliber on chaos. I mean give me a little at least. Don't tempt me with a revelation only to cut to a garage of limos debating their need in the new world. Yup you read that right... a stretch limo chat... without any involvement from Pixar, and about as needed as a diamond stud through my left nip.

I get it. The man is an artist. The film is a tribute to art... but that's just not enough. If you wanna sip wine, and debate this film over cheese lol... go ahead. You want a well acted, insane piece of filmaking that you can put together and figure out on or before the 27th viewing - Mulholland Dr by David Lynch 2001. That is a messed up head trip that is worth the mental liquefying.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars - Only, and I repeat - ONLY for the performance of Denis Lavant.
Weird movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars - if you want to explore the limits of your hallucinatory mind... this may be for you... :P

Serious how did this guy not get an Oscar nod? One of the best, and most demanding performances of the year... though I guess the plot being utter insanity didn't help...

- Boonsweet.

Ultimate Fatguy Championship

HERE COMES THE BOOM (2012)

I like UFC. I like funny things, and for a time in my younger years (those that revolved around Desperado) I really liked Salma Hayek. You but those things together in some fashion, in a film, and well, I think I will probably enjoy. Then, you add Kevin James, and well - enter frownville.

Now there is definitely a market for the humour of Kevin James, and I will be the first to admit that in his time of the small screen (King Of Queens) I have passed a few late night rerun laughs in his show's direction... however... his feature films (and yes I know they have for the most part been very successful) have never really entertained me. He just always seemed to be acting lines as they were written. Just saying funny doesn't make funny. Where say a comedy like Chris Farley could take silly, cheesy lines, and make them his. Then fall through something and gosh if I still don't giggle.

This time out, something changed. I found myself enjoying... dare I say... cheering... Kevin James...

Whaaaaaaa?!

So your plot. Burn out teacher, K-James, passes his time dodging his teacher responsibilities and lazily hitting on Salma. Then the loveable, student inspiring, music teacher - Henry Winkler, is told the school is shutting down the music department. K-James decides to step up and help him out. And when taking a side gig teaching peeps the knowledge they need for US citizenship don't work - he turn to MMA. Mixed martial arts. With the help of one of his foreign students... the man, the myth, the legend, Bas Rutten. If you do not know who that is Youtube his name followed by the words "Knock" and "out".

Along the way he will (you know); become a better person, make friends, learn the true meaning of life... blah blah... listen you all should know what you're in for here. Standard self redemption through extreme circumstance scenario... the question is does it work... I, Charles Bartholomew Boonsweet, say yes. Kevin James wrote this film, and he is a huge fan of the UFC/MMA world, two things that I believe really help him find the charisma with this character I have been waiting for. He sells the dick role at the beginning and the transition to the heart of gold may come a little fast, but you roll with it. And... his rise through the ranks of MMA is handled well. I mean, the man gets whomped on good. When he finally starts putting the combos together... it looked good. The man was in you know... shape-ish.

The supporting case here is a lot of fun. Henry (yes I was on that show) Winkler is a hoot, doing his best to tug your heart's funny bone... and Salma is decent. Basssss Rutten rocked. Watching him go from teaching a few moves, to a one piece spandex and bike cardio class... complete with a headset was just great.

There are plenty of UFC and MMA names in here to please the fans, and I think there is enough heart, and laughs, to win over most.

Ok, you're right... green is the new black. 

The scene with Salma Hayek and him play wrestling and destroying a lamp... don't know why, it was stupid, and silly, but for just a moment I allowed myself to believe K-James could actually get some Salma love... I know.

I know.

Hey, listen, bottom-line... it exceeded my expectations. It was fun, fast moving, the characters were likeable - Bas Rutten needs to now be in at least 50% of the movies I watch from now on lol... and the end... well I felt that inner cheer section stand... well filmed fights too. I read a few people hating on the choreography... Does anyone remember the Rocky films? Aiiiirrrrrr punches? Well none of that here.

MMA family friendly... I think this film deserves a bigger audience as its theatre run was less than grand, I think the word of mouth will travel pretty quickly...

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars.
Comedy scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Hearing "Here comes the Boom" by POD like 7 times was a little much... but dammit it if the seventh time - an acoustic cover by Winkler - didn't make it awesome again ...

-Chucky B

In space no one will... keep their clothes on!

FORBIDDEN WORLD (1982)

There have been film creators over the years to earn critical acclaim, a lasting love from the film going public... but few have had the effect of Roger "I will make it for cheaper" Corman. The man is a legend. 401 films, as in that is the answer, to the question - How many films has Roger C produced?  Take a moment, sit down, and let that sink in. To put that in a proper perspective if your jaw has still not at least tilted to the left in respectful awe-ness; one of the biggest producers of all time - Ron Howard (I really should not need to mention what some of his hundreds of millions of $$ films are) - has had his name on 65. Granted, Roger has a few years on him sure, but I mean 401.

In case you don't know Corman made cheap B - films, and he knew what he was making (and still is). The drive in classic. The late night popcorn flick. Even today, sex, violence, action, he knows what sells. Or, more accurately, what will sell enough to cover his production costs and leave a little profit. And, I think, time has really shown the man to have an eye for detail. Meaning he knew who to put behind the camera, he knew acting talents should be forsaken in his land of small budget production in favor of cool, and machismo, and pretty ladies...

Many... Pretty... ladies...

Forbidden World opens with a storm trooper flying a spaceship. Yes, that is what it is, Lucas must've decided it was cute and let it slide. Because when a man like Roger Corman bank rolls a space adventure, maybe, just maybe, Lucas was stoked... Anyway the captain Mike Colby, wakes up, and he and his storm trooper companion discover they have a new mission: To land on a nearby planet and investigate a security issue. Upon landing they discover two things; hot science chicks, and that a deadly new form of "Proto-B" bacteria has created a vicious monster. Then um, the monster gets loose... and stuff.

A quick note, brought up during the viewing, and I feel a worthy point (shout out to @KenBucklesworth) - this film came out just a little before "The Thing", by a few months actually, and it is about a shape shifting "alien" creature, that stalks a crew within an isolated structure. Hmmm, me thinks there b a connection or two in dere...

Moving on.

Mike Colby is the "Bruce Campbell" of space.
That's it I won't get into too many of the details, but that certain loveable charm - a slight dash of over the top acting - and a way with the ladies.... all of the ladies... who are hot... on say an isolated science facility.

No your the one who should talk to it, you're perkier. 

Just the vibe is right.
Say you're the Han Solo rip off hero and you roll into a space lab and are introduced to a genetic freak that has apparently just slaughtered a strangely large amount of bunnies... why are there bunnies on this space base? Why are there so many? Was there a bunny orgy? Why did Proto-B decide to slaughter them and then get back in its cage? Was it in need of lucky feet? Does Proto-B hate bunny orgies?

Editor's Note : digression kills. Seriously, it was on a billboard or some shizzie.

So you see this evil looking creature, what do you think the appropriate response should b?
A) Aw, who's a cute little alien mucky muck.
B) Well, mine's bigger.
C) If it doesn't have female sex organs, I'm leaving.
D) Yup. Ok. So, we kill it.

If you were enjoying A) through C) but decided on D) you dear Booniac, are correct. This is a man's man folks. He's here to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and they ain't got bubble gum on this space rock...
To recap:
Bunnies.
Boobs.
Proto-B creature.
No bubble gum.
F.
Once the creature gets out, and the clothes drop, things really pick up. This is B-movie gold. First, the creature looks cool - Think the Xenomorph from Alien crossed with the plant from Little shop of horrors - yup all teeth. There are a multitude of great lines. Even Proto B gets in on it with my fav part of the flick... next to cheesy pick up lines... talking through a computer to one of the female scientists who decides it would be a great idea to just talk to the Creature. Great idea Dr. Spacenips, not every alien is a dolphin that needs saving...

Man. I am on a roll. Ok.

I have a confession to make. I have watched many Roger C flicks... but I never really realized it (The slumber Party Massacre, Deathstalker, Barbarian Queen, House, Watchers, and the list goes on). I feel ashamed. I cannot wait to get into more cheesy Corman Crap. CCC baby, and I mean that with love. If you like your movies fast, fun, violent, naked, cheap, and cheesy, Corman is worth checking out. And if you like all those things, and Corman, and space... this is one you should defs check out.

Boony is going old school folks... as I sometimes do. Just been on an 80s kick lately... you have been warned!

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
B-Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars.

Follow me @TallwhiteFox
Us @BoonsBuckles

Chucky B Boonsweet is off to find the nearest chick in a lab coat. Or space boots. Or nothings really...

Mama I'm coming home.

MAMA (2013)

Hello again movie fans.  Ken B. back again to talk about a movie I've seen but just haven't gotten to talk about until now.  Even though I'm a little late to the dance, I still want to talk about Mama.  Especially since there is such a mixed bag of good and bad opinions.  So put in your reading eyes, here we go again.

Mama begins with the "heartwarming" tale of a man named Jeffrey who decides one day to kill his business associates as well as his wife, then abducts his two daughters for a nice drive and then end the day with a murder/suicide.  All was going according to plan until Jeffrey goes over an embankment thanks to an icy road.  After finding an abandoned house in the nearby woods, he finally decides to take the opportunity to finish his day as planned, until he is grabbed from behind by a dark figure (seen though the eyes of the elder daughter, who wasn't wearing her glasses, so all we see is a dull image of Mama) and killed.

Jeffrey and his two girls are missing for five years, and a search for them has been going underway since, funded by Jeffrey's brother Lucas.  And wouldn't you know it, the very day he runs out of money to continue his search, his two nieces are finally found and returned.  After five years, they are found dirty, and acting savagely (with some very off-putting crab-like scuttling around).  So they are at first kept under psychiatric observation.  Eventually though, Lucas (along with his girlfriend Annabel) manages to get one of the girls to take to him again, allowing him to take custody of them and work to get them back to their old selves.  Unbeknownst to Lucas, Mama hasn't left their side since they were found and brought back.  Mama is very jealous, and only wants the girls to pay attention to her.  So naturally, problems arise, and people start getting hurt.  People like Lucas, who becomes hospitalized fairly early on, leaving Annabel to watch the girls by herself.

An example of the camera work used during the movie.

Now I don't exactly know how many people didn't like this movie, but it doesn't matter.  I'm gonna go against the grain on this one and say I like Mama.  Is it perfect?  No, but how many flicks are these days?  The acting wasn't too stellar, but it was passable overall.  The camerawork was better than some recent flicks I've seen lately.  For example, there was a nice wide shot at one point that included the upstairs hallway on the left, and the girls bedroom on the right.  And it stayed there for about a minute showing Annabel walking up and down the hallway while one of the girls was playing with someone further in the room where you can't see.  It seems at first the the girl may be playing with her sister, until you see the other sister appear in the hallway.  It's nice touches with the camera that are getting rarer these days.

And Mama herself?  At first, I wasn't sure how to feel about her appearance.  But as the movie went, I found myself enjoying her more.  Here and there, she lets out this inhuman moaning/wailing that unexpectedly creeped me out.  As well, she has this very odd way she moves around which is explained later in the movie.  Basically, it's not by choice, and it also has an air of creepiness about it.

Honestly, there's not a whole lot else to say.  The story is very straightforward, and learning Mama's origins may well make you feel differently about her near the end. While this is not the best movie that Del Toro has his name attached to, I still enjoyed it and recommend it.  For those of you who watched it and didn't like it, maybe I could convince you to watch it again sometime down the road and give it another chance. 

Movie Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Horror rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

-Ken B. checking his closets for crazy ghost moms

Follow @BoonsBuckles, @KenBucklesworth @Tallwhitefox

CRAP! FEB '13

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD: RE-ANIMATION (2012)

Even the poster is a lie. There aren't that many zombies in this flick.

Well friends, I felt bad for allowing Chucky B. to continually suffer through these CRAP! reviews month by month.  So in the spirit of camaraderie, I decided to take one for the team and relive my experience with NotLD: RA.

First off, I never thought I'd be doing this kind of review that has Jeffrey Combs' name attached to it.  Of course, I also say that every great actor eventually has at least one bad movie on their resume.  I haven't actually seen everything Combs has been in, but for now, this is his one.  So to the story.  Gerald Tovar Jr. inherits the family funeral home after his father Gerald Tovar Sr. passes away.  It seems Tovar Sr. had a side business with the government burning medical waste, and at some point a certain thicker than normal body bag released whatever waste was in it causing the bodies to return to life.  So Tovar Jr. shut down the crematorium and has been hiding the bodies in that room there so he can personally put the undead down permanently.  His brother Harold (Combs) shows up looking for money, and he unwittingly gets involved.  Naturally, all hell eventually breaks loose, and will the day be saved blah blah blah....

This has been one of the worst movie experiences of the last several years for me.  Where do I begin?  Well, I suppose I could start with the acting.  Jeffrey Combs and Andrew Divoff were ok enough, but even they couldn't work enough of their usual magic to make the movie tolerable.  Everyone else didn't do anything acting wise to make me like them, especially 'DyeAnne", played by Robin Sydney.  For all her good looks, she was probably the worst of the bunch.

Next, the settings.  There's the funeral home, and Tovar's house.  That's it.  No zombie flick should ever be that localized, zombie wise.  The original NotLD mostly took place at the farmhouse sure, but at least there weren't just a handful of zombies locked away in one room of the house just taking up space.  They were outside surrounding the house, as well as all over the place according to the news reports.  It just seems to me that zombies are made for widespread carnage, and it's just wasted here.

Next the effects.  Some of the makeup effects weren't too bad, others weren't too good.  But the CGI, sweet monkey crap.  Terrrrrible.  I've seen better CGI from The Asylum.  For example, there's a scene with Combs laying in a horrible CGI grave that made me think "this is what you do to a legend like Jeffrey Combs"?  It was almost an insult.

There ain't no CGI grave, can hold my body down....

Miscellaneous complaints?  The inclusion of "Not Sarah Palin" for one.  It was so out of place that it just made no sense to even add it in.  Not to mention there's a) absolutely no sport in making fun of Sarah Palin, and b) it's already been done to death (no pun intended).  Surely you could have done something better, or just not include it at all.  Next, near the end of the movie, Tovar Jr. puts down a growing number of undead, with a shotgun that apparently has an infinite ammo cheat code unlocked, as he fires approximately 28 times, with no reloading whatsoever.  And no he didn't reload off screen, as there was no time for him to do so.  It didn't even look like there were that many zombies even walking around.  I would have to assume he missed a few times off screen, because he sure as hell didn't miss on screen.

Also, apparently the Romero flicks exist in this movie, which I thought was a fine touch.  Then it was ruined by Combs talking about real zombie outbreaks that coincidentally took place during the times the Romero movies were made.  Maybe he was using  the  dates and places the movies took place in to placate his brother, but I don't know, and I don't care.  Oh, there's a zombie baby Tovar Jr. keeps in a beer fridge too, which is one of the biggest "wtf" moments, and is never shown again or explained.  Finally, don't think I didn't notice adding Re-Animation to the title, and having Jeffrey Combs in it.  The director wishes it was in the same league as any of the Re-Animator movies

I implore you, do NOT watch this movie.  If you've never taken my word on anything before, take it now.  I've lost precious time sitting through this, and my warning you against watching this is my early Valentine's Day gift to you.  I'm going to go scrub my brain with some good movies, and maybe some alcohol.  With any luck, the alcohol will kill the brain cells containing the memories of this flick.  Whew, I haven't gone off on a movie like this in a while. 

Movie Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
Zombie Horror Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

-I'm Ken Bucklesworth, and I'm feeling generous with my stars today.

Twitter: @Boons Buckles  @KenBucklesworth  @Tallwhitefox

Chiller Classics... with love: My Bloody Valentine 1981

Its that time of year again, love is in the air... or in a hole in the ground containing the ashes of photos you are determined to un-exist. Chocolates prove your sorry for what you said when you were drunk, and if you didn't make reservations by now, well, you are about to be the victim of lovedayrage (a very real and legit condition!). So whether happily getting it on the regular... or semi regular... or living with someone who used to believe in nakedness... I say the couple that horrors together, stays together... and for the single folks... what better way to say F this commercialized B.S. than getting in on a few violent pieces of Valentine gore :)

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (to be known as MBV for the rest of this review) is a weird entry in the 80s slasher scene. Even with a remake, their are many horror fans who have not sought this gem out, and on the other hand, those that have really do love it a lot. A lot a lot.

This flick opens with two miners in their place of business, and in full gear walking carefully through the mine; pickaxes in hand. Then one stops and begins to strip, and it has boobs! Keeping the mask on... creepy, kinky, and so wonderfully strange all in one go. From there we are introduced to the love triangle, and the fact that the town is holding it's first Valentines Day dance in 20 years. This, we quickly learn, is due to a massacre that involved a disgruntled miner, Harry, that had a habit of giving cut-from-chest-hearts to people in Valentines chocolate boxes. The killer disappeared it would seem leaving a threatening note promising violence if they ever held a February 14th dance again... But I mean, kids need to party right?

Editors note: We learn about this history in a flashback sequence as the bartender tries to warn these damn kids... I like when they follow the horror rules... lol

The authenticity of this flick really makes it that much more special. Shot entirely on location in Sydney Mines, Nova Scotia, the small town Canadian touch is drenched over the film, in the best possibly way. The little touches like a dog running out and trailing alongside the sheriffs truck. Or the real mines used. No CGI and sound stages here. This mine was actually 900 feet down, directly under the ocean lol No joke I watched the extras... And the people look like real people. No 30 year old sexpots playing teens here, these are small-town young adults just trying to get a little drunk, and a little lucky... and they're likable. Because they feel genuine. No real assholes being pointlessly douchebag-ish. No Jocks making retarded decisions - wait do they actually reference safe sex? Yes... and no girls running through the woods looking back and screaming. Nope just a guy in a onesie and a mask, gutting folks with his axe. And occasionally cleaning up corpses by way of washing machine after...

So this is what happens when I mix lights and darks... shit.

This is one fun gory flick. Somewhat infamously this flick actually had to cut 9 minutes of violence to get past the censors in 1981. But thanks to Lionsgate, and today's grown up 80s kids - they demanded uncut and they got it: released on Blu-ray and DVD a few years back (in advance of the pretty fun remake). All practical blood letting in its original glory.

There are a few pure 80s issues...
- A 10 minute romance of the week moment by a lake, complete with CBS level music
- The fact that no one in this small tight knit town seems all that bothered by a women they all know being viciously killed.
- And yes, despite enjoying the acting, it is fairly cheesy in a few moments
- Okay, you know people are getting offed by a guy who did it before, why exactly aren't you shutting the town down sheriff? I mean it's not like there's a tourist season to counter act these shark attacks...

So, Eye see... you're right, who needs a dance anyway.

But the good far out weighs the bad.
Great gore, some great lines, and a criminally underrated HD transfer. The added cut violence is still in its VHS state though, I enjoyed that. As soon as the picture quality changes its ONNNNN!
And there is one scene in particular... all I have to say is - say it, don't spray it - zing!
Did I mention it has one kick-ass ending filled with a rocking showdown and evil laughter?
I mean what more do you need? Grab a box-o-chocolates, gorge, and gore.

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Horror scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

The Bluray not only looks good, but comes with some Killer features, highly recommended...

This was my first CHILLER CLASSIC and I had a blast with it guys... hope you did too, and if you are a fan of MBV or soon become one, let me know what you think... here or @tallwhitefox.

And don't forget to follow our movie exploits at @boonsbuckles and @KenBucklesworth

- Charles B-Mine Boonsweet.

NINJA MOVIE OF THE MONTH FEB'13

THE REBEL (2007)

So as we know (well as I hope you know, as you damn well freaking should know) we happen to be an authority on a few genres. One of those would be Boot 2 Face flicks. Now this could be old skool, Nu school, Kung Fu, Wire-Fu, Bruce Lee, whatever, and once a month we highlight something from the genre worth checking out... and The Rebel folks, is that flick... well at least until Mar... :)

The story is a usual theme with chop-sockey flicks of any kind: Guy on one side, goes undercover on another side, and then has a change of heart - and becomes a (wait for it...) rebel. I really don't need to give you much more than that.

So you might be at home, semi bag deep in nachos going... "But Boony, that don't sound like nothing so spectacular, whats it doing as the NMOTH?" - and yes I short formed that because I so very much wanna be TEXT cool - moving on... Well, first the fighting is so freaking awesome that I am tempted to recommend it on that front alone. This film showcases a form of Vietnamese martial arts rarely seen, or so the case promised, and boy freaking howdy, they were right. Spinning back flip foots to faces. Flip block punch 360 knees... this film has it all. And every one, I mean every one put their time in. I know the main female lead (and a darn attractive one at that) is some ling of pop star, and I never doubted her moves for a minute. Starting to sound a little more worthy right?

and the man in black never read again.

What is one of the most important factors in any fight flick? More than the awesome moves, plot, stunts...
The direction! The direction is exactly what fight film direction should be. A still camera, minimum cuts, and a whole lot of awesome moves caught perfectly so that they may drop jaws, be rewound and drop jaws in slow motion. 

Friend : What was that a backflip, block punch, low kick switch to reverse roundhouse?
Boony : I don't know let us watch it 7-8 more times to fully appreciate. 

Most of the fights scenes take place out side, so plenty of space to really showcase the skills. This is a beautiful martial art. Think of it as ONG BAK, meets spinny-flips, and you have it. The fights that take place in an enclosed area are just as good and make good use of the reduced space adding a ton of counters and counter-counters, and somehow the camera manages to slide along out of the way. Take notes recent Hong Kong flicks! Less cuts! How much does it suck to be trying to enjoy a showdown while the scene keeps cutting to Boot/face/stumbleback/recover/dustcloud/face/fist... well if you know, then you know...

But there more dear Booniacs and Buckleheads... the story and acting... actually pretty van-damme good. Good villain (yes, of course every bad Asian has a white sidekick to hate lol), good leads all around. They play tough well. The directing, aside from capturing the fights well, is good. Some nice scenery, and well designed scene management... I was impressed all around.

The verdict... this is hands down one of my favorite Nu Skool entries in the Fight film genre. And to all you folks... the first every TOP TEN from B&B is on the way... TOP 10 : Boot 2 Face flicks - Nu Skool... and I have a feeling this will be finding its way onto that there list...

Stay tuned in and turned on...
Boom.

movie scale 3 out of five stars
Ninja Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars... only because of a slightly less than kick filled 20 minutes in the last act... booooo. Only complaint.

-Charles Bartholomew Boonsweet @tallwhitefox
and as one half of the Dynamic Duo, @boonsbuckles
annnnnnd don't forget to keep up with my blogger and fellow kungfu-er @kenbucklesworth and his new Blog @necromacabre where he is going to be focusing on his first, and true love... horror...

Connecticut. No, Georgia. Make up your damn minds already!!

A HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT 2: GHOSTS OF GEORGIA (2013)

Every once in a while, your old pal Ken tends to get a little nervous about watching flicks, whether it's because of casting decisions, who might be directing, etc.  It's a very rare occasion when the actual title of the movie makes me hesitant to watch it.  Which brings me to this review of Ghosts of Georgia.  You may have noticed that I didn't call it Haunting in Connecticut 2.  Get used to it, because it's the last time I'm going to type that.  I'll hold off on the title rant until after I talk about the movie itself though, so let's begin.

A family (Andy, Lisa, and their daughter Heidi) moves to a house in Georgia.  Early on we learn two things: one, on Lisa's side of the family there's is a strong connection with the spirit world.  She possesses it, as well as her sister Joyce and Heidi.  And two, the land their new home is standing on is haunted, and everyone see them except for Andy.  It's discovered fairly early in that the property used to be a save haven for runaway slaves, called a station, back during the Underground Railroad days.  Unfortunately, things weren't as they seemed, and for reasons I won't spoil, the area has been haunted ever since.  Early in the movie Lisa's sister Joyce (played by Katee Sackhoff) arrives.  She's in the middle of a down and out period, and winds up cleaning up and moving into an abandoned RV on the property.  She doesn't have a huge impact on anything, but she wasn't dull.  And hey, it was Katee Sackhoff, enough said.

Ok, let's get into my thoughts.  There were a lot of ghost appearances throughout this movie, but most of that was as I said it was, appearances.  It was mostly walking around, or staring at somebody.  It's not until much later that any heavy spirit/human interaction takes place.  As such, this flick was not scary.  Most of the scares were predictable, and aside from some practical effects, and the look of the Station Master spirit, nothing special effects-wise. 

On the other hand, the acting was satisfactory, the setting for the movie was very pretty, and the very last scene in the movie (not counting the pictures of the real life family this movie was based on) I found oddly heartwarming.  I say oddly because I'm rarely affected in that way anymore.  Dead inside much Ken?  Lol

Ok, let's get it out of the way.  I've held it off long enough.  The title, the damn title.  I didn't want to even mention it, because it almost goes without saying, but this is such a bad title.  Why couldn't you have just called it 'Ghosts of Georgia', or 'A Haunting In Georgia' (which I personally prefer).  It's like if John Carpenter decided to make a direct sequel to 'Escape From New York', have a totally different cast, and have it take place in Miami for example.  Do you really think Carpenter would call it 'Escape From New York 2: Trapped in Miami'?  Hell, no.  Sigh, ok.  That's enough about that.  I don't want to talk about it anymore.

In the end, here's how I feel overall.  'Ghosts of Georgia' wasn't actually that bad a movie.  However, it wasn't that great either.  This is the most "on the fence" review I've had in my time here.  The acting and characters are good, but the scares and excitement factor are nearly non-existent.  The story (including the Underground Railroad back story) was pretty interesting, but the delivery of the story really left something to be desired.  I didn't feel like I suffered through the movie, but I didn't walk away with a very satisfied feeling either.  I know, I'm really not being much help this time.  But I can't help it, I've rarely finished a movie with such an unsure opinion of how I feel about it.  It's just average.  So perfectly average it's throwing me for a loop.  So it comes down to your preferences.  If you prefer a movie with good casting, and can't handle a lot of scares thrown at you, then I suggest you watch it.  If you're against disappointing story delivery, and not so much as flinching at most of the scary moments, then you should pass on it and watch either of the last two horror flicks Chuck B. and I recently reviewed. 

Movie Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Horror Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars.

- I'm Ken Bucklesworth, and I'm going to go sip some scotch like a sophisticated reviewer might do.

Follow @BoonsBuckles, @KenBucklesworth, @Tallwhitefox

ABC ... its easy as 1-2-3

THE ABCS OF DEATH (2012)

No genre loves them the anthology like the horror community. Over the decades the horror trilogy, and anthologies, have grown to be almost as much a part of the genre as the "Slasher". Often, they highlight, or bring to light, some unknown director into underground notoriety. There have been some great ones over the last few here's. One of my favourites - Trick 'R' Treat. And Ken Bucklesworth himself just reviewed another - Scary or Die. So, hey I say why not let someone come along and try to top any anthology ever...

How you ask...

By taking the 26 letters of the alphabet and giving each to a different director. No censorship. No language barriers. Just here's your letter, make us a five minute or under film. And in case you wondering, yes, this film does clock in at over two hours.

Now I could break down each director. There are a few well known names in here, but really that is just a waste. The really story here in simple - variety. I have never sat down to watch a film and had it fly by as fast as this film does. There is but a brief ending screen with the "Word" and then on to the next. I expected this collection to be absolutely nuts. I, um, underestimated it. Let me break down some of the weirdest moments.

1. Asian schoolgirls addicted to and eventually finding a spiritual connection through farting.
2. A killer toilet.
3. Killer poop.
4. A stripping cat (if you, or your friends actively partake in Furry conventions, this is the one for you :)
5. A, um, "self pleasure" showdown.
6. I can't even begin to cover all the things in the "Z" film. Just trust me, it outdoes 1 through 5 lol, no joke.

Yes. This is one of the most messed up films I have ever scene, but I need to say - I loved this film. The variety, the utter insanity, the genius of a few of the segments...

Um, so which page was this on in the Potty manual?

Before I get into a few of my favorite parts, as a fan of horror, or heck, just film, you should probably watch this. You may be grossed out, you may look away, but at the end of the day... a few of these ideas, and the execution is brilliant. Seriously, much like critics everywhere were jumping on CLOUD ATLAS as something you had to see whether you got it, or didn't, it was about the experience. Well, this is same thing for me.

"XXL" about the extremes someone will go to to meet society standards of beauty. "Dogfight" is probably my favorite of the collection, I am not entirely sure how they pulled off some of the man vs animal violence, but it was intense. The opening "A" film is a punch in the face, and if you aren't dialed in after that, well the next 25 letters may not be for you. Now, I can't give away the next few titles, just because sometimes that is the reveal for the mini-movie itself, but I will say the Ti west directed one, the shortest in the whole series, is probably the most jarring... at least for me. But that's the beauty of this collection... there truly is something for everyone, and then some. I laughed, I was appalled, I was confused as $#@%, I clapped.

I really dug just about every minute of it, even when it was bat shit crazy. And, boy howdy does it get crazy. The claymation sequence is just fantastic... and the futuristic one is actually very impressive given the time, and budgetary restraints. It really shows what creativity can accomplish.

You need to understand...
Lines of just about anything decent are crossed. If you offend easily, or on behave of others easily, then just don't do it to yourself. But hey, you are interested in the art of film, and the dissection of awesomeness and such, because you obviously search the web for blogs just like this... Heck, I say go for it.

Movie scale 3.5 of 5 stars
Horror/WTF movie scale 4 out of 5 stars.

A FPV (first person Vampire) scene... come on that is gold people. GOLD.

Charles B. Boonsweet signing off.

Follow me, chat me, hate me, question me @tallwhitefox or follow the exploits of myself and my partner in Blogness @kenbucklesworth @boonsbuckles

Scary or die? Is that an ultimatum?

SCARY OR DIE (2012)

I'm pretty sure I mentioned it before, but every now and then I like to go into a movie not knowing anything about it.  The less I know, the better the chance I'm surprised by whatever happens.  But one thing I don't expect is when a movie description is almost completely inaccurate with what I watch.  Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this.

So I'm on Netflix last night, and I come across a movie called Scary Or Die The movie picture is a scary clown's face, and the movie description is as follows: "A man who's mauled by a flesh-eating clown undergoes a terrifying metamorphosis, which places his friends and family in jeopardy."  So I figure, I haven't seen a movie about an evil clown in quite some time, so why not?  And it had Bill Oberst Jr. ( see my Abe Lincoln vs. Zombies review) in it, so it seemed like it had some promise.  It was about 15 minutes in when I learned that this wasn't just a movie about an evil clown (that does happen later in the movie), but it's actually an anthology of short stories.  SURPRISE!!!  So for those of you who haven't heard of Scary Or Die, or if you've seen it on Netflix or wherever and passed on it because you were fooled by the description like I was, allow me to fill you in on what you are actually missing.

All of the stories are connected by a website called scaryordiecom, and these stories are video files picked by a partially rotted hand. As I've done before, I'll give a description of each story without revealing too much of what happens.

1) The Crossing - A couple of southern hicks have a deep, albeit twisted, love of their country.  So much so that they feel it is their duty to personally guard the U.S. border and keep out illegal immigrants.  On this particular day,  business takes an unexpected, and bloody turn for the worse....

2) Teujung’s Lament - A lonely Korean man witnesses a lady being kidnapped one night and does his best to rescue her.  But his bravery isn't rewarded in the way he expected....

3) Re-Membered - After a successful hit, a hit man is driving down a highway with a dismembered body in his trunk.  During the drive, he keeps hearing knocking sounds coming from his trunk.  After a couple of distractions, he pulls over for a look in his trunk to see what all the racket is....

4) Clowned - The story that I was expecting a full length feature of.  After his kid brother's birthday party ended, Emmett is forced to kick out the party's clown who is raiding the fridge.  The eviction moves outdoors, where the clown bites Emmett on the leg and dances off.  Being bitten by a clown is just the beginning of Emmet's strange tale...

5) Lover Come Home - A woman who was killed by her boyfriend isn't content to let the dispute end there...

After my initial surprise of learning what this movie actually entailed, I was also surprised to discover I quite enjoyed it.  The acting through and through was pretty solid.  The big names I recognized was Bill Oberst Jr., who played a very convincing racist scumbag redneck, and Christopher Darga, who did double duty as the hit man in 'Re-Membered', as well as one of the detectives in 'Clowned'.  I learned that Corbin Bleu (who played Emmett) is also a huge name, especially in the world of Disney.  But i don't watch anything Disney really (apart from Gravity Falls).  The makeup and practical special effects were also very well done (the clown makeup effects in particular), which is always a plus with me.  I enjoyed all the stories, although there were a couple of hit-and-miss points which I'll get into.

Negatives are few, really.  Teujung’s Lament could have had a more visual ending.  I'm not one who needs to see EVERYTHING happen, I'm often happy with using my imagination with many scenarios.  But this story ends with just background noise of the actions that occur.  It's not that big a deal really, it just would have been nice to see in this case.  Also, at the beginning of 'Re-Membered', the hit man is pulled over by a police officer for swerving on the road.  It then follows with a flashback of the hit man dismembering his target and stuffing him into a dufflebag, fine and dandy.  My issue is the flashback includes the very scene of the police officer pulling him over, right up to the time the hit man started having his flashback.  I just found that unnecessary.  It should have either started with the events of the flashback, or have the hit man snap back to reality just before the officer started talking to him.  Finally, 'Lover Come Home', while well acted, was so incredibly short and bare of anything original that it could have been cut completely out of the movie.  The only reason it was in there was because of it's thin connection to a few of the other stories.

In the end though, this was overall a helluva fun ride all the way through.  I recommend you horror fans check it out, preferably with popcorn or some other snack. I didn't do any snacking myself, and I feel I should have.  So don't make the same mistake I did.

Movie Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Anthology Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

-This is Kenny B., and I'm wired on coffee
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