Thursday, February 6, 2014

short cuts ... and long deep gorey cuts


How many times have you, my dear Booniacs, heard (ok read really, unless you know me in the real world in which case...) me ranting on how there was not enough gore. Not enough Practical makeup bloodshed, and not enough good, ol' fashioned T&A in some indie horror adventure. Ranting on how they forgot their audience, and tried to make oscars outta tinfoil.

Well... Who woulda thought... I'd be here writing that a film gave me all I asked for, all I have been missing... and somehow just forgot everything else... lol... I am shock.

And this here story goes... There is a town - Red Stone. This town is filled with evil rednecks and cannibals, and their sheriff (OMG! Mister screen slasher himself KANE HODDER) kills any outsider that wanders through. Luckily all the wanders are evil people. So we don't have to feel to bad for them.

Looking for more plot? There isn't any. That's it.

Ok, first I'm gunna say finally a horror film that gets it's audience. The B horror crowd that will show up to support modern Grindhouse. Pops, and cracks, layered through the flick. Donttrytohideit Green screen, the whole nine. Boobs, tons of the red stuff, all practical (except one inexplicable decapitation, WTF punks). Non stop violence, and one liners, some clap and laugh moments. Just a great time all around. I mean the story is basically... bad guys chase bad guys to hick town... they all die.

There is a moment in the middle of the flick where KANE is explaining how the town draws a certain crowd. And I though they might actually imply that anyone not born there that came was bad, brought to him to be ended. How cool would that be... like an End of the road for villains. Then you could have some good girl that gets caught up... and ends up trying to survive Hodder and bad guys... only well. None of that happens. There is no one to root for... no survivor girl... and well that's a problem. How could you know your audience soooooo well, and not give us a hero. The point is... cool bad guy kills everyone... you cheer, then last one standing you cheer for to take him out!

My, Jimbob She's a reeeeaaalllll purdy lady. 
Thats where the issues start. There is a film within the film here... Necro Wars actually looks pretty damned cool, and is played throughout... others in the film are watching it. This film within a film takes up about 7-8 minutes of screen time. So, um, if you eliminate the credits this film... without Necro Wars is an hour long... ya. An hour.

What the heck people. Do you think that's worth someone $? This is the digital age... 60 minutes? But then, like I said, this movie is literally all death and boobs. So hey, perhaps there will be an audience. Heck ,of course there will... but 60 minutes?!

Kane has a blast in this film. Some of his lines are great... You wanna know why you're alive? Well, my freezer's full. I mean slasher gold. But sadly he really doesn't get enough time to shine... because they well... only have 60 freaking minutes lol. I think a hero chick... little back ground on the town, heck, a couple of the rednecks getting taking out... there you know. Plus you establish a supernatural element to the town... you can even Kill and bring back Kane for a sequel... BAM! Ok... I'm horror nerd ranting... I know. But... there was sooooo much to love here. Cheap indie splatter fest in the best sense... I just needed more... well just more.

Here's the thing... the blood, the gore, the sex, all of it has to be tied together in an awesome package in order to ascend beyond the crap out there. I can't believe I am here... having to say a blood filled full speed horror flick needed more developement but damn it... I am.

Is that a Sickle slice to the forehead? Yup. It is. 

I am so torn up inside right now. But hey, for 60 minutes it was a lot of fun. Kane is a horror icon and rightfully so. Not quite a Brucey Campbell, but hey there's Kane love out there. Tiffany Shelps (as point out by my boi Bucklesworth) is another indie horror icon in her own right. There is a few very gory moments... cute girls... fun. And the movie within a movie... actually pretty damn cool.. at the end I was thinking that perhaps the film would cut off to finish Necro Wars and hey that woulda been A-O-K with me... But that didn't happen.

And 1 more quick thing... the peeps that made this flick really love them some Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I mean who don't yo... but I mean... they reallllllly love them some Texas chainsaw massacre so prepare... for a lot of TCM influence... including the "Dinner" scene.

movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Horror scale 2.5 out of 5 stars (I was tempted to dock another point for the hour running time... but hey... if you're in the mood for straight indie blood soaked cinema, here it is... )

Man... the horror is all ova tha place. Good, the bad, and some ugly... Hope you guys are finding a few gems in the mix out there.

-Chuck Boonsweet is out this piece. Um. Till next and stuff.


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