CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! Green, and red, and dead all over.

RARE EXPORTS: A CHRISTMAS TALE (2010)

Do you carry the holiday cheer in your hearts all year round? I do. So when I hear of an uber violent foreign film with a christmas touch... game on!

So, this movie is from Finland. Don't know much about Finland... its cold. And well, the opening little bit of this film is pretty damn confusing. Also you may ask yourself why does this child not wear pants? I mean, he'll catch his death of cold... (Ya I just had a christmas dinner so Grandma speak is in my head).

Your yultide plot: Father and Son (not the closest since the death of the Mom/Wife) exist in a small town beside a big mountain. A group of diggers are looking for something of value in the mountain. The young boy - through hours of dedication and a healthy fear of Santa Claus - knows that within the mountain lurks the frozen remains of the demon Santa. Sadly, he is powerless to prevent the awakening, and christmas chaos ensues.

So, did we get hold of Bo Beep yet? 

First this movie is played pretty straight. Or perhaps I am just missing Finnish humour... Ya, it could be that. That said, it's not a bad thing. I mean they actually go for the real deal here. If this film had been made in say Britain, the laughs, and black humour would have been dripping off every scene. Here, they know the story is ridiculous, and thats enough, go for broke with it. Sell it hard.

I was in when the little boy hands a demonic "ancient" picture of a demon Santa Claus to his friend and says "The real Santa Claus was totally different. The coca cola one is just a hoax".

But well, it never really goes anywhere. I mean with the intensity of the film, the R rating, the building to something feeling boy howdy are you ready for some good ol' fashion Santa violence. Only it never really comes. It fact this film is pretty much a Pg-13 family type adventure if you eliminate the old man nudity (full nudity I may add). Heck this probably was a kids film in Finland.

I stand here for Mika, the choreographer. 

And that's a problem. Because if this movie had just went for it... balls to the wall terror, and violence, we may have had a new contender to the holiday horror throne. As it is, it just starts, hangs around, and ends. I mean we don't even get any Santa Claus violence. We never actually get to see the demon Santa loosed.

Just a bunch of twisted old men that like to throw pick axes. Who apparently were buried with him? Or did they just show up from the North Pole? Not sure. But man was I let down. I mean really, there is hardly any action here... at all. There is build up. Some amazing directing (this film is beautifully shot), but no bloody climax!

Where are the flying limbs? Bloodshed? Elven violence that we were promised by the enticing opening few minutes? Nowhere to be found. Just a story about a strange boy that ends up proving his worth to everyone when his crazy theory on a Demon Claus comes true. Yup, really this is a boy finds himself tale. Like Monster Squad, or the Goonies, only with a demon Santa and naked retirees.

A real bummer with the fun that seemed to be on it's way...

There is definitely a cult status possibility what with the quality of the production and completely insane ending, but outside of that I don't see this film getting too much attention. I will have no need to watch it again... not even on the days leading up to everyones fav holiday... well the cool ones anyone...

Movie scale 2.5 out 5 stars
Holiday Horror scale 2 out 5 stars

There is better, cheesier, and just plain funner holiday horror out there! For instance the insanity of Goldberg in SANTA"S SLAY. Love that, and clamation.... that is gold Booniacs, gold. My Christmas gift to all! I hopes Santa hooked all you worthy and mostly nice Booniacs and Buckleheads up! Accept for Greenberg, hate that guy...

:)

-CBB

@Tallwhitefox