Thursday, January 24, 2013


TAI CHI 0 (2012)

I want to apologize for the delay in relating movie awesomeness to all you Booniacs and Buckleheads. There has been a lot going on, moving up ladders here and there, and more importantly trying to get  this Zombie book off the ground. But, film, is always my heart. Or at least the nipple over my heart, so I say that is still pretty damn important. I mean, imagine if you didn't have a left nipple....

Somewhere out there... right now, there is a man with out a left nipple nodding, and wiping a tear from his eye...

Anyway, ninjas.
These are all qualifications of a NINJA MOVIE OF THE MONTH, but more importantly it just has to be foot to face cool.

I want to start by saying this film has no ninjas... but it does have a ton of flying feet, giant Jules Verne machines, and glowing Tai-Chi power eyes, so I think that counts.

So your story is a young boy, Yang-Lu is born with a horn/giantpimple/tumor on his head. He discovers that when it is pressed his eyes go all glowy and he whoops ass. His mother dies and he promises her as she passes he will master martial arts.Years go by, he gets turned into a super weapon by a general guy. But, after a battle, while in the hospital, he finds out that it he keeps pressing his head horn and kicking people in the face he will die. The doctor tells him he must learn the way of peace from an ancient Tai Chi village. He sets off to the village. There he learns outsiders are shunned, but he doesn't give up... insert an evil rail road company and their super machines of doom... and a side plot with a beautiful local who was in love with the rail road head engineer but now just wants to protect her village...

This film is (as described by my reviewing co-hort while watching) - Scott pilgrim meets a Jet Li flick. It is absolute cult American film making, with a typical Asian foot to evil face storyline. If that doesn't peak your interest, well, you may be reading the wrong review lol. This flick rocked. It was so freaking weird and off the wall. You'll see unexpected animated sequences, Health bars pop up over heads with "Fight" echoing through your stereo, vegetable showdowns, upside down recluse masters.... yup this movie has it all... even kung fu kids. I can't take the time to tell you all the cool peeps in this film... but the movie does. Every time a new actor walks on screen they take the time to tell you who they are - I thought it was a nice touch. A little girl walks on screen and calls a dude out and then up pops "So and so, martial arts prodigy from this school". Pretty cool. Also, the Asian female lead is a star of some kind that goes by "angel baby" in real life?

To top off all that cool, the fights are great... and why wouldn't they be, as they are choreographed by the man - Sammo Hung - (insert applause)

This is one Asian film that really got the American sense of humor right, at least with this particular genre. Did I mention no whining Asian kid side kicks? Boooooya.

This film has its flaws, having an annoying opened ending due to recently released sequel, being one of them. And yes, at times, it is too weird for it's own good... But I was in for the ride after the fight. There was a scene where the hero uses a bo-staff like a slingshot... so sweet.

I think you guys will dig. If chop-sockey is your thang...

Ninja movie scale 3 out 5 stars
Movie scale 3 out of five stars.

-Chuck B. Boonsweet.

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