LET THERE BE BLOOD

ORPHAN KILLER (2011)

Plot: Really?! Killer in a mask slaughters everything. Let's move on.

Ok so there has been a significant lacking in the world of the slasher genre. In fact other than a few indies keeping it alive, the only representation we dear bloodthirsty fans have had in the mainstream has been remakes. Okay Friday the 13th was pretty sweet, and an upcoming review will explain that SCREAM 4 didn't suck. But really where is the new batch of chaos craving masked crazies? The Orphan Killer has been on my radar ever since the first time I flipped through a magazine to discover an add "The Orphan Killer: Facebooks original mass murderer" or something along those lines. So, ol Boony hopped on the facecrack and checked it out. Psychotic killer, videos posted (including a fav him holding Bin Laden's head after he was confirmed dead), lovely violent quotes.... Okay cheesy yes. But this in 2011, it takes alot to get attention unless you are famous, and have a vagina. And they had my attention.

My expectation were nonexistent. Too many times the genre has let me down with horrible acting, horrible writing, painful homages and inside jokes, and just... crap. Yet here I was ten minutes in. Blood splashing everywhere, heavy metal blasting in the background through the whole thing. Okay. Good sign. 30 minutes in. Limited plot- cool. More time for killing. Killer looks awesome. Okay. Oh that was a sick kill. Make up is sweet. Damn. Ok keep expectation down, don't hope don't you dare hope. 60 minutes in. OMG loving this... I'll have to facebook him. And was that a "cry little sister" heavy metal remix. Sweeeeeeet.

And in the end... No let down. This was a blast from start to finish. Maybe I was simply hungry for anything slasher. Maybe it was the nudity, and buckets of blood. Maybe it was the real world makeup... or hell... the lack of craptacular classical music in favor of ear tickling rifts... but damn was this fun. Yes the acting is still a lil weak, but really there is so much murder you hardly notice. And the writing is a little off at times, but the cast has real fun with it, and when they are on, it so works.

Horror fans, get your giggity on... I can't imagine this one letting you down. Yes it's low budget so if you are waiting for the next 50 million budgeted remake, fine, not for you... but to everyone that grew up on evil dead, TCM (no I am not explaining that D-bags, if you don't know, go F--- sum peanut butter), and killers that could come back even after being decapitated and hacked to death... enjoy.

HORROR SCALE 3.5 out of 5 stars
MOVIE SCALE 2.5 out of 5 stars

Sincerely Charles B. Boonsweet