Ok I just saw this film. And I am going to say something here... Disney is taking over the entertainment world... they Just bought 20th Century fox for 50 plus billion... and are apparently buying (or have bought) Hulu... and sitting here watching THE LAST JEDI ... all I could think was - critics must be terrified. I mean if you make your career breaking movie news, getting the inside scoop from star interviews - I mean how can you possibly take a washroom break on anything with a Disney logo? Because what if they decide to hate you? Cut you off? I mean no movie news... no TV news... and away you go.
And why was I thinking this while watching THE LAST JEDI ... because half way into this film i realized it wasn't great, maybe good, maybe ok... but not great by a regular film standard, and certainly not by a star wars expectation. Yet, every review I read pre release has been on average a 9 out of 10. Witness at the time of this interview - 93% on rotten tomatoes ...
Ok before I got to the freaking dark side here... Mild spoilers... mostly confusion to follow.
Your plot. While the empire/First order (the entire fleet?) try to destroy the rebel fleet (that is moving slow but somehow faster than them - and somehow just out of range...) for the entire movie... Rey tries to learn the ways of being a Jedi from Luke (cue dramatic music) Will the slowly moving rebel fleet ever escape... will Rey manage to become jedi - ish...
Well I'll tell you what will happen they will stretch that plot for 2 and a half freaking hours! Ok. Ok. Look I want to point out a few positives here - ONE - I freaking love me some Rian Johnson aka the man that wrote and directed. BRICK is hands down one of my fav films ever, and LOOPER is a decent bit of cool sci fi ... so when I heard he was involved in episode 8 ... heck yes! Sign me up. So you know, I signed up - with my hopes... and dreams... and well, I mean the man has a great eye for his camera. Still got it on that front.
Rey is in my mind a great heroic lead... and her struggle to harness her powers and maintain her path in the light, is the stuff of jedi gold. Do I understand at the end of this movie how she basically mastered light sabre ness without any training? Nope, no explanation, in fact she seems to have gotten better. Oh well episode 9 maybe will clear it up... You see Rey because you are so powerful it doesn't matter that you came from nothing and nowhere without any training, you just know everything - look try some back flips - ya you got this.
And I like Finn... great actor and cool secondary lead. A nice everyman trying to better himself from predetermined origins to prove he's more. I dig it and his relationship to/with Rey. He is a strong lead and its honestly a shame he doesn't have much to work with here. I would've even enjoyed his side plot ... BUT ...
But look... you can go plaster me with hate if you so desire - I won't judge - in all honesty this film will probably still make a billion... but I watched an entire theatre walk out of this film in silence... a packed house.... a pre opening night screening... people in storm trooper outfits... a guy in star wars shirt being partially held together by duck tape people... duck tape. And they all walked out of this show in silence. That can't be a good thing right?
I'm not joking the entire film is the empire... sorry.... first order... following a ship they can't catch.... for some reason... can't shoot ... for some reason... don't lose sight of... for some reason... and can't send smaller ships out to destroy for some reason. All the while people manage to come and go without the empire noticing... imagine if you will you are watching an action movie... with a car chase... and the cop looks to the camera and goes well we can't catch up, and my bullets won't reach... so we'll just keep following and eventually - this guy will run outta road... and now, imagine thats a two hour plot... and thats basically it. You spent two hours following a slow car chase but you can't give me one fight... one that last longer than a couple minutes?
A great example of the writing issues with this film - That giant door is absolutely the only way in or out of this bunker... Cut to less that a minute later doors open on another level and jet fighters shoot out... whaaaaaaaaa in the sweet #@#$. Or Wait didn't you just betray everyone, and take over a ship? Why is everyone like - oh you, you're the best.
Ah I wanna drop spoilers... but like the dark side of that turkey leg... i shall resist.
I want someone to explain to me all the ways this movie didn't suck... but I mean is continuing to scavenge the bones of the original trilogy really the way to go? This is a movie that could've been a 30 minute episode of an animated show. Wanna contradict me? Try haha... I think the best evidence that Disney feared it might have a rather weak entry in the franchise... they brought JJ Abrams back to write and direct the next one... already announced (after he specifically said he was done) you know what that tells me early test groups were not good... and Disney got worried. And yet, I have read review after review... glossing over the pacing issues, the side plot issues... ONE HORRIBLE decision with a main Baddie... let me guess... you thought it would be shocking?!
Stupid, and pointless... does not a shocking twist make.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I just don't feel excited, or pumped, nothing I just feel blah... something a star wars film has really never left me. There was always an excitement for the next, or pure joy at what you just witnessed. Hell, the Phantom Menace was not great, but it was the first Star Wars film in decades... so that carried me through. But this - maybe my expectations were too high. Review contamination haha... but aren't I allowed to have sky high expectations for a Star Wars film with a small countries net worth invested in it?
This is my first reaction... maybe I will come around when I sit down to watch it at home months from now... maybe everyone on planet earth will love it and I'll feel like a big ol' Dummy. But you know what... I got nothing to Gain from Disney signing off on my compliance haha... so screw it! This is weak sauce with a capital thick.
Movie score - 2.5 out of 5 stars
Star Wars movie score - 2.5 out of 5 stars
ONE LINE REVIEW: The force is extra medium with this one.
Suggested drinking game rules : 1 shot every time a character's eyes well up (bonus shot if that character is staring into another characters watery eyes). 2 shots for every tear that escapes the aforementioned watery eyes.
That's it... i'm tucking my lightsaber back in the PJs, and curling up to John Williams soundtrack love... To all a merry Christmas... and stuff... and OH YEAH I"M FREAKING BACK. Mostly. Life A.D.D. here people, its a thing.
I hope I'm wrong on this one ... i really do hope I somehow just didn't get it, or missed something. A last thought everyone keeps talking about the shocking twists ? The commercials all over TV are screaming - don't let anyone spoil this. I watched the movie. I feel unspoiled.
To all my Booniacs... remember to polish your BB-8 once to twice a day - BOONSWEEEEEEEET out.
#StarWars #TheLastJedi #review
-CBB
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