Thursday, April 10, 2014

Cottage Cheese


So a black slasher type comedy starring Malin "I should always wear spandex" Akerman, and Tyler "I'm a funny man" Labine... I mean sign me up! Right? Right? Am I right?

Hell yes I'm right.

So you plot goes - lovers head up to a cottage to spend the weekend together and set the stage for Todd  to ask Cammie to marry him. All is well, and romantic, and den... Todd's D-bag brother shows up Salinger (played by Dan Petronijevic aka the reincarnation of Pauly Shore, kinda)... and well, Todd accidentally kills him in argument. His wife to be is determined to stand by him, and well, the bodies keep piling up as they try to keep the murders under wraps and their wedding on track.

Ok. This movie was awesome, and funny, and sexy, and all that... well, let me rephrase. The first half of this movie is Funny and awesome and all that... the last half... well pretty much kills every bit of a good time you had in the opening 35 minutes. I mean I actually had to think back and say Hey. Remember when this movie was cool. Ya. That was the bestest.

Seriously Bro... like I got this. 

You see the issue is this film just gets way too dark. And well, I'm gunna do it and compare to another murder/horror/black type comedy Tyler Labine starred in Dale and Tucker vs Evil. That film had it right. Stay fun. Keep the action moving. And no matter what - STAY FUN. This film just gets way to bogged down with actually consequences.

And by the end the relationship is falling apart and this couple that you really liked at the beginning and were rooting for is reduced to bickering idiots. That's the problem. They second guessed themselves. Or the writer just didn't know how to keep it going without going so dark that it becomes a different movie. What is so wrong with just keeping me laughing? Letting Malin Akerman be sexy... and rolling with that till the wedding at the end. Hell, have them go all out, kidnap a priest and have him marry them on the run from the Pooooooooooo-leece.


Well you know what they say: The couple that kills together...

This movie goes from B movie R rated gold to late night Indie Channel shizzie. Another little bit of a way to keep the fun going if they had found out that all the murder actually cranked up their sex life... woulda been a great way to keep the action going... Ya. I know. I am a freaking Genius... on my couch... with a laptop... and socks that may or may not match...

I digress.

Sigh. I was so bummed, another great start from a film that just dies and loses its identity. I mean, I was actually sad at the end. Like depressed. No film with Tyler Labine... a man how has made me laugh for years so ever leave me hollow and sad inside... (Colon Left parenthesis).

Bloody Comedy scale 2 out of 5 stars
Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

So that opening half not enough to last through the horribly dark third act. Nearly unforgivable to turn such inherently likeable people into complete Assholes.

But hey, if you like your films depressingly dark (i.e. Very Bad Things) then this is right up your alley. And the acting is pretty damn good throughout.

Just a string of SoSo here... Waiting for something to really blow me away.


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