Teenage zombies, in school... this a true story?

DETENTION OF THE DEAD (2013)

Zombies.
Yes they are everywhere.
And well, I don't care. People keep talking about how the genre will be over saturated, and blah-blah... well those are probably the same people that said 7-8 years ago the superhero film market was getting "over saturated" ...
Bottomline zombies, in some incarnation or another have been around for going on 60+ years. I seriously doubt Walking Dead, and the seemingly endless parade of indie straight to VOD and BD, will kill the genre if it survived through bell bottoms, and the Bush administration (zing!).

So remember a few lines back when I brought up the endless stream of VOD and BD zombie films? Ya. That was fun. Guess what we have here. Okay. Let's dig into the um... brains... of the film shall we... Ah. I think my puns are losing a lil something you know? Anywho...

Even zombies love finger food... (I had to lol)

Eddie (one of my Fav Tv chaps from the last few years, Jacob Zachar, of Greek), the likeable super geek, gets detention. He joins the cheerleader, Janet (a solid young actress from one of my guilty pleasures - Revenge, Christa B. Allen), the sexy goth girl Willow (Alexa Nikolas of Zoey 101), two jerk jocks, and the stoner, and token minority member - Ash (fresh off the enjoyable 21 & over).

So there they are in detention when a student decides to go Zombie on them, and attack the supervising Teacher. The students quickly realize the school is being overrun with the undead. And well, a lot of peeps are getting eaten. Yes, this motley crew with have to learn to fight through their stereotyped hatred and find common ground, and together reach a safer ground... (see what I did there, ya), or well, at least a fortified library.

Ok.
This movie is a comedy first. It is not meant to be scary. And to those that are asking Well, Chuck, I mean this is a horror film, shouldn't it be scary? To them I say, no, the funny thing about horror is it doesn't always have to be scary. It can be silly, and fun, and gorefilled, and damned if the horror going public at large don't enjoy. But... BUT... there are a few wee matters of criteria you must fill first, in order to be welcomed into this reviewers arms....

If you are going to be a fun, cheesy, gore flick... well you need good gore. And this movie comes through. Sure it's not earth shattering, but its pretty decent practical, and what CGI there is in it is limited enough tat it doesn't stand out, or annoy. You also need a script that keep the tongue in cheek without making you shake your head over shit dialogue or characters. And for my two cents - Boonsweet approves. The script is aware they are using the By the numbers horror set up. They embrace it, revel in it, and dammit if there weren't a few solid interactions by the folks in the film challenging those stereotypes and the whys of them, even in a horror setting. I actually really enjoyed the conversation at one point between Eddie, and Janet. It was bang on to tickle your funny bone, but just enough heart to remind you might just give a crap a bit about these bY the number folks.

I bet you can pick out each genre regular here... and go!

So, that means, if you are going to try to have a few real moments, balanced in a whole bunch of blood cheese... and maybe a few unexpected creatures... You need the acting talent to back it up. I would have liked to see Alexa's Willow character cut loose a little more. Cover her in some blood and parts. She's almost too PG for this film, but other than that... Eddie borrows all the charm of Greek's lead, and even plays off that a little. Janet is a dynamite "cooler than you chick" and gets a few chances to really get her shine on here; and the two jocks do alright. Enough to limit any groans you might have been expecting to send the screens way. The stoner asian has a few great lines, but as you might expect serves as little more than a source of drugs, and punchlines.

Considering all the crap that comes out in the horror genre (especially in the Zombie sub genre) this film is above par in most categories. Part of that could be everytime I watch one of these films my expectation are nil... but then again... I still usually feel disappointed, so, take that as you will. The directing... I need to take a moment because this is a debut feature for an actor that has been a little bit here and a little bit there - Alex Craig Mann. And I think he did alright, he also penned the script (based on the play), and well, props on both accounts. It doesn't really come off as too cheap, and avoids that The kids at the local high school could make this kaka feel. Which already separates it from 80% of the zombie films most of us have seen in the last few years.

One of the funner trips down the horror comedy aisle as of late. Be warned. This film does get really, really weird at a few parts... but as i'm weird, I dug. You are probably gonna hear a lot of hate on this film. Genre fans who found it too goofy, or film fans that thought it was too much of what we've seen before... but really, like I said at the beginning, there are only so many ways to approach a zombie flick nowadays. And I thought this one did have something cool to bring to the table.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Horror/Comedy scale 3.5 out of 5 stars.

If you go in expecting the next Shaun of the dead, well damn it you will be sad after. But go into ya couch groove expecting fun, some gore, a few great lines, and decent slow moving zombie action... and you will be a happy Sleepaway camper.

A last thought... the I'm a man song near the end... money!

- Chuck "DoubleTap" Boonsweet

@Tallwhitefox
@boonsbuckles

Chiller Classics present: Lifeforce (1985)

The Blu-ray release cover art

A film written by the co-writer of Alien, and directed by Tobe Hooper - the man behind The texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Poltergeist. I mean, really what is not to like about that combination. Oh, did I mention it was a ridiculously well financed film venture, and involved Life sucking space vampires? I know. Awesome meter overload.

So as you all know due to your status as Booniacs, and Buckleheads, we like to call out films from the decades past in the horror genre that for one reason, or seventeen and half reasons, we feel are worth a horror fans attention. And perhaps some love from the casual (or younger), movie lover.

The story goes... A space shuttle - Captained by Col. Tom Carlsen (played by the 80s icon Steve Railsback) - investigating Haileys Comet, discover a ship hiding within/behind it. They of course check it out, and find three attractive naked sleeping humanoids, 1 chick, 2 dicks, that they of course decide to bring back aboard their ship for further study. The space shuttle never makes it back, and after losing contact ground control sends up another shuttle to investigate. They find the ship trashed, everyone dead, and the 3 naked incased humanoids still chilling. They bring them back. The chick wakes up, sucks some peeps dry of their Lifeforce (Title shootout), and escapes the facility to wreak havoc on the world at large.
And den...
Col Tom, shows up alive in a capsule (not entirely sure how), it seems everyone is powerless to resist this alien woman and she messed up the Col's head. But dammit he's going to try to stop her from destroying the world. And Col. Colin Caine (Colin Firth), is gonna help him. It will be tricky because not only do the people she life sucks come back as life suckers, but she can jump bodies too... Ruh-roh....

But, I just want to be held... Love me... LOOOOVE ME!

Why this film is Chiller Classic worthy...

Well first you will never see another film like this. This is pretty much a fantastic summary of the height of 80s horror, and the willingness to take chances that defined the era. A nudity filled film, with a plot that to summarize as insanity seems like understating. I mean the main female alien, Mathilda May, is naked for at least half this film. And lets just say she was um... proportionately, and correctly cast. Another great point is the effects. The practical is just unreal (as evidenced by the photo above). The computer effects, though dated, thanks to the budget at the time, still get the point across. Though why there needed to sparkles... not sure. I guess it was the 80s, glitter was in. Everything about this film is big. The sets are just nuts. In one particularly enjoyable scene... in the last quarter london is under siege by life force sucking zombie vampire things - the level of destruction is just loco. And I enjoyed every moment.

The most important reason why I deemed this film worthy of Classic status; it is so freaking ridiculous. I mean it goes from vampire corpses, to basically a zombie film at the end. Patrick "Engage" Stewart himself shows up to completely sink his teeth into the role as a possessed Doctor. Watching them switch from Naked Girl, to Patrick Stewart with naked girls voice is just worth the price of admission, and sums up how nuts and yet watchable this film is.

Hot chick. Before morning makeup sesh. Dammmmmm!

Lastly. Tobe Freaking Hooper. Perhaps one of the most criminally under appreciated directors of all time. Sure he gets props for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but the man is a very, very talented dude. His skill in handling the chaos of the film is evident. For example, the little things like the zero gravity movements of the crew are handled expertly, and looked great on the just released Bluray (another bang on Job from Scream! Factory). 

I had a blast from start to finish. 

If you enjoy the glory days of perhaps the greatest decade of film exploration to date, you will not be disappointed. If you dig classic sic-fi, Boobs, extreme violence, and WTF moments... oh you have just found your Holy freaking grail....

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars

Horror/scifi scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

The bluray was loaded with some awesome features. So if you are a fan trust when I say the investment is worth it... Hmmm what to put on my must have BR list next...

Enjoy!

-Chuck B. 

@Tallwhitefox

@BoonsBuckles

Every Witch way but down

HANSEL & GRETEL : WHITE HUNTERS (2013)

Every once and a while a film surprises me. This was one of those films. Now to be fair it is easier to surprise Ol' Boony when his expectations are dirt low... possibly six feet below dirt level low. I remember watching the first trailer and thinking - Well, that could be some lovely fun, but it will probably be some PG-13 crap, and well nah, forget it. Then um, it made 400 million world wide. And well sometimes when all the local critics be slamming a film, I like the think the world at large can occasionally prove them wrong.

So, Hansel & Gretel. One of the original Grimm Brothers fairy tales gets quite the update here. The two young children get led into the woods and abandoned by dear ol' Dad. Then wander around until they discover a candy house. They enter the house (of course who wouldn't), it turns out to belong to an evil witch that loves to eat children. They discover they are immune to witch magic, kill the candy house witch, and decide to dedicate themselves to the destruction of Witches, and well, most things evil. Enter a village some twenty years later that needs their town and children protected and saved. Of course their is actually a super evil witch, with a super evil witch plan. And they must stop them.

Yup. This could have been horrible, in fact, I will go so far as to say it should have been. Yet, the movie does one thing so well that it actually works: the movie gets that it's bad, in the best way. It embraces the lunacy, and goes so far across the line that you just get sucked in. Also, R rated! Who knew. And tonnes of the red stuff folks, I mean giddy amounts. For instance, one scene in particular involves I think 4 or 5 peeps getting their heads popped - in spectacular red cherry pie exploding -fashion in about twenty seconds. That is a applause worthy amount of bloodshed/time ratio.

Within that level of lunacy everything goes because we should understand quickly this film is meant to be fun, and nothing else. Even the usually stone faced action man himself - Jeremy Renner (as Hansel) is so obviously enjoying planting his tongue firmly in cheek that I found myself laughing when he wanted to. What's that? They have all these crazy advanced witch hunting weapons like gatling guns and handheld canons, and well the list goes on... who cares. Sit back and enjoy the explosions, and exploding witches.

Gingers. The soulless must die!

The always attractive Gemma Arterton as Gretel is a blast too, though she plays it a little more straight laced than Hansel. Surprisingly because of the level of Lunacy and the likeability of the leads I found myself enjoying the story more than I expected. And Famke Janssen is another actor just cutting lose here. Super evil witch with sex appeal and crazy cracked blue makeup...

Listen the story is silly. You just need to accept that. Where the hell did they get all this weapontry and how did they skip decades of firearm evolution? I have no idea, and ya it kinda bothered me, but should it? I'm watching a big budget R rated action movie based on a fairy tale written over a hundred years ago about children being lured to a candy house... If I have a problem with a plot loop hole I should probably slap myself.

And there was a TROLL! A giant awesome troll. You know how long it's been since I saw a good troll on the Tele? Too freaking long thats how long. This is in a way, probably the funnest big budget fantasy tale in a while. Do away with all that doom and gloom of LOTR, and forget the teen heroic evolution of Harry Potts, and just toss some magic on top of big guns and some great one liners.

In fairness to Jeremy Renner. I'd hit a crazy siamese witch bitch in the face too. 

Did I mention this large budgeted film is directed by Tommy Wirkola... the man behind the cult zombie nazi sensation that was Dead Snow. Ya. So a big studio handed a whole bunch of millions to a indie horror director and said make a cool movie about witch hunting... and it can be R rated... You just have to be pumped about that.

I am sitting here to tell you if you enjoyed the strange, and are a wee bit of a B movie fan. This should be right up your alley, but even for the casual viewer, with no interest in the non mainstream, this should still hold you in your chair. As long as the doritos aren't too far...

Can't believe I'm saying this... I think I'm pumped for a sequel.

- Charles B Boonsweet

@Tallwhitefox
@BoonsBuckles

Popcorn.... blood... and sexy ladies... Yes please.

The first Superhero (Respect!)

MAN OF STEEL (2013)

First shout out to mondo for that unreal limited edition poster... legit.

Superman was the first super hero.
Before him there was nothing. There wree quips, and ideas, whispers, and forgotten comic strips. Superman was the creation of an entirely new genre, closing in on a hundred years ago. Did you know that the SUPERMAN "S" logo is the second most recognized symbol world wide? Think about that. A fictional comic book hero is the second most known logo In Da World. You can walk into a straw hut bar in Ethiopia in a superman tee and some kid will come up to you and say "Su-per-man". Ok. I mean, statistically... that would probably happen. Hows this for perspective: wherever you are, however old you are... reading this review... you know who superman is. Period. How crazy is that?

Point being. He is Myth, he is legend, and he is the man.

I have been reading Superman for years. Years and years. Years and years and years... dammit I think I'm getting older or something (boooooooo). And this... this folks is the film I have been waiting for. Having had to rely on ancient loveable cheese (the original Reeves films, and no I will not forgive the rewinding of the planet!), more 90s loveable cheese (Lois & Clark: the new adventures of superman), a surprisingly watchable but teenage based telling (smallville), and many amazing animated features, to tell superman's story... finally... the big screen does it justice.

So your story is. Two parents on a doomed planet - Krypton, choose to send their only son to Earth in an effort to spare his life. Space ship lands on earth, and two amazing people, Jonathan and Martha, find him, and become his adoptive parents. Raising him, he begins to demonstrate amazing abilities, but they never let him stray from the path of the moral. Instilling a strong sense of love for his fellow man despite their flaws. Years later, their son Clark aka SUPERMAN! is traveling the world saving people, trying to find himself... and then an ancient war criminal from Krypton General Zod (who escaped being destroyed with Krpyton because he was in a space prison) shows up with a bunch of people to you know, destroy earth and such. Oh and they have powers thanks to our planets yellow sun as well.

I'm sorry was that your indestructible safe? Oopsie. 

Ok.
I'm going to stop now, and point out something that has really, and I mean really pissed me off. Over the years their have been many, many, problems with the superman films, and people have cried out for justice! Here I am thinking finally we have our wants and needs fulfilled, and peeps (critics) are still bitchin'. Lets take a lot.

Problems with the last Superman film:
1. Too much back story on characters we are already familiar with.
2. Not enough action.
3. The portrayal of the villain is a throwback to the classic character that doesn't work here.
4. Not enough action! (deserved repeating) This is after all a super man movie.
5. Oh, and 5, I saved for this... SUPERMAN RETURNS was the classic characters and tones. And it was too cheesy and classic to connect with todays (Dark Knight loving) audience.

So here we are.... problems I am hearing with this latest version....
1. Not enough back story. The characters, lois lane, Perry white, don't have any time to develop.
2. Too much action, not enough focus on the story.
3. The film is too dark (Dark Knight treatment) in tone.
4. The main villain is handled poorly.

Blah
F'n blah people. Make up your minds. Ok, well since you are here, and Ol' Boony is the He-man to your universe, let me share my thoughts.

SUPERMAN PUNCHES PEOPLE THROW BUILDINGS! Over and over and its awesome. Finally what I have waited years to see has come to pass. Actual violence and chaos on scale with what a Superman fight should look like. I almost raised my hands in the theatre when he first air body slammed someone... sweeeeet!

The back story was great. The time on Krypton and Russell Crowes performance as Superman (Kal-el)'s father was great. He somehow manages to create his entire character; motivations, pride, strength, all in a matter of minutes. The flashbacks do not take away from the story. I liked how when he was hurt, or alone for a moment, these scenes from his past would come... as if we were seeing his history as he would in such moments. His successes, his failures.

Also, understanding the fact that the supporting cast would be getting limited time, they insert top notch actors in every role. Actors that can get the characters across without needing tons of screen time. I have actually read people complaining that characters like Perry White, and Lois Lane don't get enough time to develop... Kidding? First Lois is by far the best incarnation ever on screen. She is tenacious, and finally - intelligent. This is not the Whoops I found the bad guys and without backup guess I'll be in peril and wait for superman Lois. And Perry? Really? Has Perry ever had screen time? Ever? I mean he's lucky to get two panels in the comic. Yes I know he is played by Laurence Fishburne, but that is the point, he can make the scene intense, sell the few minutes he has... he doesn't need another 15 minutes to explain to you who Perry White is.

There are going to be folks upset with the tone of the film, the times that it does get dark. For me, it simply felt like this was a film for this generation. A world that is darker, more realistic... but a world in which superman is still the loveable determined to do good character we all know, despite what is happening around him. Yes, they drop a few bombs on you that the fans out there might be rubbed wrong by, but as a lifelong superman comic fan, these are things that did happen in the comic and really, I didn't need to see set up through 4 films before they happened.
Lastly.
Henry Cavill.
Is Superman. Though the blue tights have rarely resulted in career superstardom (I.E. Christopher Reeves never having another hit, and where oh where is Brandon Routh... ) I think this will be the exception. The emotions, and places that this incarnation go through could not have been handled by any one other than a top tier actor.

Now I gush because, to me this is more or less exactly what I have been waiting for and well, I feel like Haters gunna hate (to quote some rap verse I am not entirely aware of).

A few issues I had. The camera work though stellar for the most part, gets a little old with the 3x zoom Synder uses (over and over) to showcase superman flying. Wideshot, close shot, zoom in, wideshot. However that same technique is used to perfection during the battles so I forgive it...

Me (Giant to the right lol), and the fam. Just stoked after.

Movie scale 4 out of 5 stars.
Super Hero movie scale 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Believe the hype, and I hope you all enjoy the freaking shizzie out of this film. This review may have been a little more serious in tone than some, but I don't know if I can properly explain how satisfied I was after all these years... that little child in me that read the first page of Superman issue who knows... finally has his superman film. And I was very frustrated as you can tell with some of the advance negative feelings for the film from critiques... some that I very much admire as well. Sigh... can't wait to see this one again.

-Chuck Boonsweet saying "Up, Up, and away!"

Identity Thief? More like Time Thief, as in MY time....

IDENTITY THIEF (2013)



Take it from your old pal Ken Bucklesworth; sometimes, reviewing movies isn't all fun and games.  Occasionally we're forced to suffer through the worst kinds of so-called "entertainment."  This is why Boonsweet & Bucklesworth has a CRAP! segment, not only so we can warn you about flicks you need to avoid, but also so we can vent our rage and feel a little better for it.  While this isn't a CRAP! review, for reasons I'll get into soon, this is going to be a venting experience anyway.  Let's get into my thought for Identity Thief.

Sandy Patterson has a decent life.  He has a wife and kids, a decent sized house, and a job with a newly formed company which nets him a huge start-up bonus.  Things seem to be perfect, until (of course) his identity gets stolen by Diana, a professional scammer in Florida.  In short time, his accounts are dried up, hid credit suffering, and a warrant is out for his arrest due to Diana getting arrested for assault and not showing up for her trial.  Despite clearing things up with Denver police, Sandy is still in danger of losing his new job because of his sudden bad credit/criminal record. 

That's when Sandy gets an idea.  Diana has to get arrested under local Florida law first, in which there is still about a year wait for Sandy to get his shot at redemption in court.  So Sandy decides to go to Florida and convince Diana to return to Denver and explain things to his boss in order to save his career.  What Sandy doesn't plan to tell her is that police will be listening in on the confession, thereby getting her arrested and subject to Denver law.  But from their first meeting, it's clear that this mission won't be as easy as expected, as Sandy has to contend not only with Diana's inherent skills at escaping capture, but staying clear of an assassin duo sent to kill her, and a bounty hunter looking to capture her.




Like throat punches? That's good, because you'll see it over, and over, and over....

 This movie as a comedy is TERRIBLE!!  It wasn't until the 40 minute mark where I so much as snickered for the first time.  I never outright laughed at anything done or said, and I could count on one hand the times I chuckled period.  And as this movie is two hours long, that is unacceptable.  I actually had to stop watching at approximately the one hour mark, just because I couldn't handle how utterly boring and dumb this movie was.  There must have been something they could have done to cut down the running time.  This is a situation where a Special Edition would actually be a cut version of the movie.  

The character of Diana has ZERO redeeming qualities about her.  She ruins peoples lives and only give a shit about herself.  Despite this, the movie tries over and over to make me like her.  She repeatedly physically and verbally assaults Sandy during their time together, and the first time Sandy fires off some insults back at her, she gets this sad pouty face and walks away.  Am I supposed to feel sorry for her at this point?  Well sorry, she got only a fraction of what she deserved at that point.  Eventually, as you can easily predict, Sandy and Diana start to get along with each other, and during the last third of the movie Diana is less of a total bitch than she was earlier.  But by that point (much earlier actually) I stopped caring.  She deserved everything that happens to her in this movie.  Though ultimately I preferred her ultimate fate to be brought back to Denver instead of killed, as I was rooting for Sandy to succeed.

Now you may be asking yourselves, "If Identity Thief is so horrible, why isn't this a CRAP! review?"  Well, the answer is simple; this was actually a very well acted movie.  Like I just said, Jason Bateman's performance as Sandy was good enough that I rooted for him to get his life back to normal.  As well, even though I HATED the character of Sandy, Melissa McCarthy did a fantastic job of making me hate her.  And not only was she the main source of my chuckles with some of her line deliveries, she is quite a capable physical actress, doing most of her own stunts. 

John Doggett's life has been in a downward spiral since leaving the FBI.

If there's one thing (among many) this movie needed, it was more Robert Patrick.  Whether it's something awesome like Terminator 2, or something Awesomely horrible like Double Dragon, Patrick is consistently on his game.  And Identity Thief really should have given him more screen time.  His role as the bounty hunter Skiptracer was my favorite in the whole thing, but he only had a few scenes, which was a damn shame.  In fact, no disrespect to T.I and Genesis Rodriguez intended, as they also did a good job as the assassins looking to kill Diana, but I would have preferred Skiptracer be the only one chasing Diana.  It would have cut the running time a little, and it would have been more Robert Patrick dammit!!

Well, I certainly feel better after that rant.  If you haven't seen Identity Thief, don't.  It's two hours of an unfunny comedy that practically orders you to care about an unlikeable character.  And no amount of great acting was able to save it.  There you have it. 

Movie Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
Comedy Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

-I'm Ken Bucklesworth, and that's the truth.

@KenBucklesworth, @BoonsBuckles

Damn you terrorist scum - The man is on VACATION!

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (2013)

BRUNO!

BRUCE! 

BALD AWESOME GUY!

These are some of the names used to describe the man, the myth, the legend that is Bruce "I'm so cool I shit snowballs" Willis. The man is action movie gold what can I say. The last boy scout, last man standing, Fifth Element, Lucky Number Slevin... And you know, he wanted to prove he could do dramatic action with Striking Distance, Tears of the Sun, Sin City, Bandits (very underrated!), Twelve Monkeys... Oh and least we forget the man was in PULP FICTION. He is all over pulp culture and the hollywood landscape, but no character her has ever played has equalled that of the DIE HARd franchise, and the lead - John McClane. 

So the plot to most Die Hard film is as follows. Poor, normal cop guy with attitude - McClane runs across a terrorist heist/attack of some kind. He of course is forced due to moral heroicness to intervene, then they somehow involve his family and he gets super pissed and kills everything. Bad guys, buildings, lots of vehicles, windows... everything. 

This time around McClane is off to Russia to meet and hopefully reconnect with his son. The problem with that is that his estranged son is all in trouble with the law for being a lawbreaker. In Russia they really frown on that. John shows up, a terrorist attack happens... turns out his son is undercover (not evil) and well... John tries to help him. Though that will be hard because his son is a daddy issue douche, and well dammit McClane is so unmotivated to kick ass since he's ON VACATION. 

Yup. He's on vacation and you will hear that stupid, annoying, not that funny the first time - line... about six times in the film... I think. So begins the long list of issues with this film.

Ya. Um, no reason for this photo, I mean she's in the movie, Just ah, heard sex sells... boonsweet!

1. His son sucks. Not cool. Not likeable. 

2. Really, its not his son's, or the actor's (Jai Courtney's) fault... there is no writing. I mean literally nothing for the characters to do outside of yelling and blowing shit up. I mean Bruce manages to salvage a few scenes... But he's had 4 films to master the character. But Jack McClane has no chance. 

3. His daughter was cooler. In the 30 secs she's on a screen, I was reminded how much better she looked in peril. The son gets douchier. 

4. Back to the writing. Really, it's that bad, and they know it so they just try to insert as much explosions and destruction as possible.

5. You may now be saying - But Boony, number 4 actually sounds pretty cool. Maybe random chaos is not so bad? - and you would be right except that the direction on many occasions is horrid. Awesome cool long range shot of the action BAM cut to a bunch of quick cuts of WTF is happening. Oh! There's an explosion. I mean this is the guy that directed MAX PAYNE. Ya. Been 5 years since he'd touched a film so sure why not give him one of the most beloved franchises. 

6. Bruce Willis. John McClane is one of the coolest creations ever. He talks to himself. He bitches constantly, and he gets messed up saving the day. He's human - Like. There is barely any trademarked talking to self. The famous Yippie - Ky- Yay line is used at such a retarded moment it doesn't matter.

7. And fine... I'll make this my last point. The villain sucks. Just sucks. Uninteresting, stupid, and really sadly there is no one in Russia they spend any time making you care about. Everyone you meet is crooked, or an assassin, so who cares if they all go boom (sorry I love russia, but really they didn't even give us one shot of russia children in peril to make us care).

So. With more leather. Really, I just didn't have anything funny to say, so ... leather. 

Sigh.

I am so sad right now. After the awesome that was "The Last Stand" I was really pulling for another great McClane adventure and this just isn't it. Don't get me wrong, I hear there is another one on the way... and god help me... I will go. Because it can't be worse.

You know there are a few scenes in here. First the action is impressive. Though badly shot, there are parts that really do inspire giggly awe. Once his son de-douches he is definitely tolerable. And the last scene of the film could have been a beautiful moment if the rest of the film hadnt destroyed your feeling for the McClane bond. 

This is a watch only for your love of Bruce film. 

Movie scale 2 out of 5 stars.

Action Scale 2.5 out of 5 stars.

I cannot believe I just gave a Die Hard film a 2.5 on an action scale. This... this is a sad day of anti-manness. Bruuuuunooooooooooo! Why.... 

Chuck Boony... saying F this. I'm on Vacation!

Follow me @ Tallwhitefox

or the occasion film rant @BoonsBuckles. 

Who says romance is dead?

WARM BODIES (2013)

Ok. So zombies are currently experiencing an 80s fashion like revival. Blame (or congratulate) The Walking Dead for that. So there was only a finite amount of time until someone truly PG'd it and fed it to the masses. Now for all us True horror fans (see how I group myself with you, you should feel awesomer) that could cause some deep bowel like pain. But should it really? I mean, isn't a mainstream zombie flick still have that "Maybe the kids will turn out all right" feel to it? Something that Twilight, or the upcoming Mortal Instruments could never accomplish.

Dammit. I enjoyed this movie. That's really what I'm trying to say but I figured I should at least try to set up some reasons before throwing myself before the true horror tribunal.

First, I will go through the plot. The zombie apocalypse happened. Zombies tour the world at large looking for humans to eat, and humans stay safe behind a giant wall, only venturing out for grub, and medicine. One zombie (to later be named "R") has had an unfortunate development; He thinks. About everything. There are also Zombie level 2's that they call "Boneys". These are zombies that have evolved into complete death monster things. Whatever. Anyway, he and a group of zombies voyage off one day for food. At the same time a group of human surviving young adults voyage from the city on a mission for supplies. They meet, and while R is eating her boyfriend, he decides that he must save "Julie" from death at the hands of his friends. He disguises her scent and takes her back to his lair. An abandoned airplane. And well, from there he starts to um... warm up. And regain his abilities to be something closer to human.

Wait, sooo... You're team edward?

Second, this film is written and directed by Jonathan Levine. A man who is responsible for one tripped out little teen flick The wackiness and one of my all time fav as-of-yet-unreleased horror treasures all the boys love mandy lane. So I didn't doubt the directing would be bang on and it is. Never afraid to transition from some cheese moment directly into peril. With ease. The acting in this film is good, very good, though John Malkovich really does do shit all. The leads however, Nicholas Holt (who I now begin to forgive for participation in Jack the Giant Slayer) and Teresa Palmer (So very hot that I almost called this review - She'd warm my dead parts up... Ya. Almost) have undeniable likeability and connection. That makes the movie. Period. If the leads were less awesome, and cute, and believable, the movie would crash and burn (shout out to - Hackers). Here's one thing I was not expecting, a voice over that rocks! The narrative from R is grand. Even providing perhaps... (deep breath)... the best explanation for why Zombies eat brains I have ever heard. Yup. True story Bro. Unlike a lot of movies where the narrative feels forced, or there simply to explain plot, R is a zombie, so he can't really communicate, so we need to hear his thoughts... and they entertain.

You're dance moves are like dead sexy girl....

Rob Corddry has a nice roll as R's undead bestie. They have a nice moment sitting at an airport cafeteria grunting at each other. Because as R says some days its almost like we have real conversations. 

Listen, if you just wanna rewatch your Night of the Living deads, and Zombi 2s, and such, awesome, I support that. But if you enjoy seeing different takes, and ideas within the genre... I.E. Fido, Ahhh Zombies, and some of the other cool takes, this should be right up your alley. I wish there was a little more violence, of course, I am Chuck B Boonsweet afterall. But, I had fun, and because of the leads was invested in the romance portion of the film much more than I thought I would be. The boneys are a nice villain, however, I would have been waaaaaay more impressed is they were practical as well (instead of looking like skin less versions of the whatever-the-hell-they-weres from  I AM LEGEND)

Over all, fun. Some laughs, some sexy, and some brains.... trifecta I say!

As a zombie fan I look at this as I do KUNG FU PANDA ... seriously. Stay with me for a sec. I love kung fu/martial art flicks. Violent crazy cool stuff. But I love Kung Fu panda too, with the same zeal for the kung fu but with a sprinkle of the inner child. Thats exactly why I dug this one. I love zombie films... crazy, bloody, body ripping.... but I enjoyed this too. Blame the inner child... that I too often allow to be outer.... :P

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Horror Comedy scale 4 out of 5 stars.

Bring your kids. If you have kids. If not, maybe this film will inspire you to practice... with loved ones.... lol
1 last thought. Nicky Holt really does sell the zombie in this film. Watch his movement/running as the film evolves so does his movement. I thought it was a nice touch, and I could almost hear the director off screen "No, less shoulder, more stumble! More Stumble!" 

:)(:

- Chuck Boonsweet says Teresa Palmer can bring the dead to life! Probably. Still waiting on the scientific data.