Friday, June 8, 2012

Is she really the fairest of them all?


Snow White, the original Disney princess movie. And thus, one of the more known Grimm Fairy tales. Do you know of Grimm (and no, not the latest NBC fantagasm)? Brothers. They wrote fairy tales. Dark, twisted little tales. To inspire children to bed, and obedience. Disney bought them. And well, made cartoons.

I enjoy a good fairy tale. Anyone remember the Snow White horror film? Circa, mid 90s? I do. So hear I am thinking well, ok it won't be that dark. But Thor is in it, and the effects look cool, and really... aren't we in need of a good movie with adventure, and magic, and a quest, and freaking actors shrunk to dwarves...
You damn skippy we are!
So the story is... Wicked queen. Magic mirror. Queen kills king, takes kingdom. Turns out years later Snow White (the kings daughter who has been kept alive all these years in a tower) is the one person who can kill her. Because, she is now fairer than the queen, fairest of them all. Snow white then on cue escapes, and the quest is on. Kinda. First Queen (a deliciously evil Charlize Theron) hires a huntsmen (drumroll please) Thor almighty himself, Chris Hemsworth, to find and kill Snow White. Insert an evil Queen brother, people in need of hope, a troll, fairies, and well... awaaaaaaay we go.

First the whole first act of this film is great. The effects are great. Kristen Stewart minus the sparkling vamps, is actually good here. Charlize is on fire, and Chris Hemmy, steals the show. I think he may wanna consider being drunk for the first half of all future non marvel related films. The special effects are actually bang on too. I'm sure this didn't have the budget of a LOTR, but a lil over a 100 mill I'm sure. And every penny is used. Sets, dark and Gothic, check. The score. Nope. Kinda week. Honestly when's the last time you hear the soundtrack actually stand out. Doesn't happen often, but enuff to be annoying.

There are some genuine scenes of questage that really made me smile. The seven dwarves are awesome. There is even an homage to LEGEND, that I found amazing. Some true moments of wonder, and glee. However.
Hooooowwwwever. We have a few problems here. Let's start with the kiss. You remember the original fairy tale... snow white eats a poison apple... goes permanent sleepy. Or as we in modern times call it "a catatonic state" lol. Anyway, true loves kiss. TRUE LOVES KISS. That is what wakes her. And here too. Only, after that. There is nothing. No romance. No explanation. Nothing... at... all. You build chemistry. You let the poor bastard fall all over himself apologizing over your dead body. Then you wake up, rally the people to war... and nothing.
Gather the family. Hell, get the baby out the damn crib... Ol Chucky Boonsweet needed a lil more romance. Yup. There I said it. I wanted some lovin' up in this flick. It's as if they made a conscious effort to avoid it after the kiss... Why? It's snow freakin white. It's a fairy tale. Ah well. So close to being a great quest and conquer, sword and sorcery, whatever you wanna call it flick. But well worth checking out. Especially if you are a fan of the original Grimm's, or just dwarves... and well... quest stuff. :)

I am really hoping for an extended cut on bluray. With more... well just more....

Also, me and Kendrick Kendall Bucklesworth had a rather heated debate about the fact that Kristen Stewart's Snow White, is in no way hotter than Charlize Theron. Um. I'm team Kristen. But it is a valid argument. Decide amongst yaselves...

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Quest/sword&sorcery scale 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Chuck Boonsweet saying I'm the fairest of them allllllll!

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