Well... the leaves are falling... Christmas is calling... colder weather - is well - kinda taking it's sweet time where I'm at... But - ITS HALLOWEEN season... and that means it's horror movie time. One of my fav traditions of life... Well my life. The life of a horror obsessed (with love for all genres mind you) fan. When I dive into all the horror I can for a month... Old favourites, younger classics, and a bunch of new... hopeful creations.
And thats the thing about the horror genre... it doesn't take much.. to create a real freaking gem. And every year... whether a 30 year old lost gem I just now discovered (Oh man is BRAIN DAMAGE good)... or a new school entry I just love (TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN remake/reboot)... there will always surely be new films joining my all time collection....
SO is KILLER SOFA... one such entry...
No.
Sadly no.
Ok... plot. Which I mean... is pretty limited. A recliner (so not even a freaking SOFA!!) is possessed by a demon - creature - ancient thing - and inside the house of a young woman... starts messing with her... and offing randoms with a malice that would please the star trek Jobber.
I mean that really is all there is to this movie.
And let me explain. Oh man, did this movie have possibility. First the sofa... (cough) RECLINING CHAIR!! Is fantastic looking. Strange and plush and creepy. I loved it right from the start. It was just cool enough looking to get me excited to see the carnage it would unleash.
But there is one HUGE problem with KILLER SOFA. One unavoidable issue... they play it straight. Completely straight. And in doing so make it almost unbelievably boring. I can imagine what the writer and director were going for. Listen the story is so ridiculous, if we play it straight, it will come across as tongue in cheek and everyone will laugh and have a blast.
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| Ted?! You're cheating on me with a freaking teddy bear... that really presses my cushions |
Ok good plan, in theory. Except. Your script here isn't clever or fun enough to make the dead pan delivery from the actors work. And even more unforgivably... I mean so much so it causes me real mental pain... no one gets eaten by this couch. Sorry SOFA... Sorry recliner. Dammit. The point is... look at that poster... scroll up... drink that poster in...
You will see no teeth in this movie. And hence, you will so no human being devoured by that giant chair mouth. Yup. The poster for a movie hasn't lied this bad since SCREAM told us it starred Drew Barrymore. Did you decide to buy this movie, rent this movie, whatever, because you wanted to watch a chair stand itself up and whip someone with an iron? NO. WAIT. I did not mean to make that sound cool. It's not.
There is almost no gore in this movie... or action... or killing... Its essentially... chair pose... good looking actress... lines changed... chair pose... good looking actress lines exchanged. Sigh. There is so little here and I wanna explain...
IT COULD'VE BEEEN AMAZING. This dead pan delivery with a BRUCE CAMPBELL like awareness of the material... or at least one character tossed in that just went off the wall with it to play off the others. Or maybe six solid gore blasted scenes of SOFA (recliner) related massacre.
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| Men. The competition has gotten... inanimate. |
There is one great scene with a self love... chair love... type thing... Let me tell you... little things... like if half way through this movie she had actually had sex with a chair?! I mean how hard is it?! It's not that hard....
And I'm not just talking about the SOFA folks (OOoooooooo - wink wink).
Just another indie, that could've but will be loss in the mass of the genre faster than most know it was there. A real shame. Because... it was there. All the makings of a B movie cult classic. Why this script and film were shot so boringly straightforward... I will have no idea. One shot of a human being eaten blood spraying everywhere... and then the actress losing herself to passion with the SOFA... and I would be buying the "80$ with SOFA figure 4K" edition.
As it is... you'll probably have it on SHUDDER in a few weeks/months...
ONE LINE REVIEW: My couch is better.
Horror movie scale 1.5 out of 5 stars
Movie scale 1.5 out of 5
Now with that score you might be asking yourself why this did not make the CRAP! segment... well at the end of the day, this film did not horribly offend me as a person or horror fan. IT was just poorly executed. But the sheer chance promise it had... excluded it from harsher judgements.
Till next Booniacs ... stay tuned! Many more reviews for your halloween horror season on the way.
Chuck B is out!
#KillerSofa
