Bloodline (2018)

Dexter takes a drive...

Have you watched Dexter? Have you also watched the fun little splash of awesome that was DRIVE? Ok if you haven't, Imma do something I don't normally do... go now and watch both. Two episodes of DEXTER... and the movie DRIVE starring Ryan Gossling (directed by Mr. I sacrifice my audience for art - Winding Refn - or however that is spelt - ahhhhh Im still so grudged over ONLY GOD FORGIVES).

Then watch this... it's a near perfect fusion.

If you have watched both those things... then imagine that mix... and add Sean William Scott aka STIFLER... and you have this movie. And I mean all those things as a compliment.

This is a damn fun time.

Your story goes... Sean Scott aka Evan... a new father... a happily (?) married man, and a school counsellor, in his spare time has a hobby. He kills the people that abuse the children he sees as part of his job. And let there be blood. Lots of blood.

Simple and sweet. BLOODLINE is on the Character study side of the genre... following a killer we strangely like (I mean he's killing bad guys right?!) through his everyday, from new parent... to killer of parents. A lot rides on a lead actor in a film like this... and Sean nails it. Evan is a strangely likely and intriguing character so we don't really mind him as an audience... we understand we are just along for the ride. This isn't really a bring your conscience along for the ride kind of movie... this is a fly on the wall for murder type of film.

And I dug it.

There there... tell me how you feel. Because. Feelings. Matter. 

First, the whole vibe of the film is arthouse... but good arthouse (DRIVE) unlike the bad "we do what we want and screw the audience" arthouse (NEON DEMON, ONLY GOD FORGIVES). The colors, and music, and shot selection are all perfect within that presentation... and at moments... only certain ones... the film, and it's written/director managed to invoke from classic Argento feels... and that is a high compliment in my horror handbook.

There are a couple of fun twists here... and a perfect example of how a strong script can turn a plain scene into something you can't look away from (Take notes KILLER SOFA). There is one conversation in particular with one victim that was just so well acted and written... the contrast between Evan and the victims emotional state and presentation was just about perfect.

There was almost one delicious twist... that really brought everything together for me. Reinforcing the fact that we are not meant to feel one way or the other... this is a film to be enjoyed as the ride it is. Lights flashes... music pulsing, and a human deconstructing... or evolving...

Stifler.

A character so interlaced with an entire generation,  it will be with the actor for life haha... fine. But this guy can act... Lethal Weapon the TV series (granted they never should've killed off Riggs... sigh) had a weak second season... but not due to Sean William Scott's involvement... he was great in the show. GOON - another great vehicle for him... look.. the guy can straight up act. Hear he plays with restraint and conflict in some great camera-doesn't-look-away close ups, that really made me smile.

Good on you Stifler... Where's the pie sex guy huh!??? Nowhere that's where and you are art housing up some violence all over my horror loving screen.

Look. There are a couple flaws... some slow parts that lag because the energy of the kill scenes just makes everything else... feel snail like. The mother character... though interesting in the flashbacks... is not really a smooth fill in the current timeline. And the Cop... well. Ya. Like I said it's not perfect. But perhaps some of the most realistic statements about parenthood, and new parenthood in particular...

Spliced with some truly interesting killer/victim chat...

and gore.

Some one bring me a warm pie, I am too excited!

ONE LINE REVIEW: Serial synth killer track... bruh. 

Horror scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars.

And the horror movie keeeeeeeeeeep coming.

BOONSWEET is on to the next one!

#Bloodline

Killer Sofa (2019)

Furniture... to make your 92 year old grandma proud.

Well... the leaves are falling... Christmas is calling... colder weather - is well - kinda taking it's sweet time where I'm at... But - ITS HALLOWEEN season... and that means it's horror movie time. One of my fav traditions of life... Well my life. The life of a horror obsessed (with love for all genres mind you) fan. When I dive into all the horror I can for a month... Old favourites, younger classics, and a bunch of new... hopeful creations.

And thats the thing about the horror genre... it doesn't take much.. to create a real freaking gem. And every year... whether a 30 year old lost gem I just now discovered (Oh man is BRAIN DAMAGE good)... or a new school entry I just love (TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN remake/reboot)... there will always surely be new films joining my all time collection....

SO is KILLER SOFA... one such entry...

No.

Sadly no.

Ok... plot. Which I mean... is pretty limited. A recliner (so not even a freaking SOFA!!) is possessed by a demon - creature - ancient thing - and inside the house of a young woman... starts messing with her... and offing randoms with a malice that would please the star trek Jobber.

I mean that really is all there is to this movie.

And let me explain. Oh man, did this movie have possibility. First the sofa... (cough) RECLINING CHAIR!! Is fantastic looking. Strange and plush and creepy. I loved it right from the start. It was just cool enough looking to get me excited to see the carnage it would unleash.

But there is one HUGE problem with KILLER SOFA. One unavoidable issue... they play it straight. Completely straight. And in doing so make it almost unbelievably boring. I can imagine what the writer and director were going for. Listen the story is so ridiculous, if we play it straight, it will come across as tongue in cheek and everyone will laugh and have a blast. 

Ted?! You're cheating on me with a freaking teddy bear... that really presses my cushions

Ok good plan, in theory. Except. Your script here isn't clever or fun enough to make the dead pan delivery from the actors work. And even more unforgivably... I mean so much so it causes me real mental pain... no one gets eaten by this couch. Sorry SOFA... Sorry recliner. Dammit. The point is... look at that poster... scroll up... drink that poster in...

You will see no teeth in this movie. And hence, you will so no human being devoured by that giant chair mouth. Yup. The poster for a movie hasn't lied this bad since SCREAM told us it starred Drew Barrymore. Did you decide to buy this movie, rent this movie, whatever, because you wanted to watch a chair stand itself up and whip someone with an iron? NO. WAIT. I did not mean to make that sound cool. It's not.

There is almost no gore in this movie... or action... or killing... Its essentially... chair pose... good looking actress... lines changed... chair pose... good looking actress lines exchanged. Sigh. There is so little here and I wanna explain...

IT COULD'VE BEEEN AMAZING. This dead pan delivery with a BRUCE CAMPBELL like awareness of the material... or at least one character tossed in that just went off the wall with it to play off the others. Or maybe six solid gore blasted scenes of SOFA (recliner) related massacre.

Men. The competition has gotten... inanimate. 

There is one great scene with a self love... chair love... type thing... Let me tell you... little things... like if half way through this movie she had actually had sex with a chair?! I mean how hard is it?! It's not that hard....

And I'm not just talking about the SOFA folks (OOoooooooo - wink wink).

Just another indie, that could've but will be loss in the mass of the genre faster than most know it was there. A real shame. Because... it was there. All the makings of a B movie cult classic. Why this script and film were shot so boringly straightforward... I will have no idea. One shot of a human being eaten blood spraying everywhere... and then the actress losing herself to passion with the SOFA... and I would be buying the "80$ with SOFA figure 4K" edition.

As it is... you'll probably have it on SHUDDER in a few weeks/months...

ONE LINE REVIEW: My couch is better.

Horror movie scale 1.5 out of 5 stars
Movie scale 1.5 out of 5

Now with that score you might be asking yourself why this did not make the CRAP! segment... well at the end of the day, this film did not horribly offend me as a person or horror fan. IT was just poorly executed. But the sheer chance promise it had... excluded it from harsher judgements.

Till next Booniacs ... stay tuned! Many more reviews for your halloween horror season on the way.

Chuck B is out!

#KillerSofa

Chuck the CRITICS! - Green Lantern (2011)

Gather round the LED 4k fire... from your fav masterfilmator (is that a word? - is now!) ... This segment is where I find films that the internet at large, and all them shiny and surprisingly well compensated mainstream critics hate (and smalltime wannabe hate), and prove perhaps... No battle, for these films that were crushed and left for dead before the public at large could even give them a chance. Now don't get me wrong, some films deserve hate (see my CRAP! segment) but we are a hate first society. Medi-ogres, Meh-heads, and just plain old HATERS. Because hating is just fun. And we like it. Well, you ever been watching a critics youtube playlist and thought to yourself - Man, does this person even like movies? Well, I do. So I will bravely fly into the face of the hate abyss, and try, despite the forces allied against me, to find hope... in the darkness... (Yay! Grab your chips)

Oh man. 

This is gunna fire up some net nerds, and set off some couch potato canons... but it has to be said. GREEN LANTERN IS NOT A BAD MOVIE. In fact. IT'S ALMOST AWESOME. There I said it. Now I don't think I have ever reviewed this film. And part of me that is because like a lot of people at the time of release, I walked out of the theatre pretty underwhelmed. Now, I still found things to like, but this was smack in the middle of the early days of the superhero movie - AND I'M A FREAKING DC GUY - and I wanted this to be awesome. I remember running around my house in my childhood days with a cardboard green lantern ring I had made and taped to my finger. 

I remember when Green Lantern Hal Jordan's home city was destroyed by the Cyborg superman. I remember him becoming Parallax and destroying the green lantern corps. I remember a young kid called Kyle taking over the ring and battling him, powerless, after the justice league had been destroyed... I ... Ok. You really, don't need to know any of that. Point is, I liked me some green lantern. And I liked me some Ryan Reynolds. SO I was pretty sure it would be awesome. 

SO you have a huge budget film that managed to have some of the worst green screen moments ever, in the history of superhero films (though, look if we are all being honest, it still happens - in example Black Panther had some weak moments, that train track showdown anyone?). And I remember thinking, the villain was kind of weak, and their didn't seem to be a lot of action... 

BUT. BUT. Hindsight is 20/20 right? I know sayings and stuff. We have now had a multitude of superhero successes and less thans to compare this too, and now, man, did I have fun re watching this flick. 

Hug? ... Come on... HUG!

1. This was the extended version I found in some bin in probably mid 2012 that I had yet to watch (extra 12-15 minutes of footage).

2. RYAN REYNOLDS really is an awesome Hal Jordan. The humour, the confidence, the real likability - its all there. 

3. Black Lively is awesome as the love interest - in fact she has one of my all time favourite lines from any hero flick ever - it involves cheekbones. 

4. Yes, some of the effects are rough, but not that many. In fact, in this age of fancy TVs at home, I thought most held up well.

5. The villain is actually pretty well developed. There is one scene in particular when he is lying besides Reynolds that I thought was a particularly well realized scene. 

6. Angela basset as AMANDA WALLER! Yup. And I bet you she was gunna get her Nick Fury cross movies role on had this film panned out. 

7. It's slow at times... but this is a true origin story, and I really had no problems with that. 

8. The glowing costumes, now having watched justice league (both TV shows) many times, honestly they glow. The costume glows. Could it have been handled a little better - sure -  But its really not that bad. In fact it looks pretty cool most of the time. 

9. GREEN LANTERNS! Yes I know everyone wanted more lanterns in here - me too. And I know the training montage and him just rolling into his roll move really fast - but reference #7... this is more about his origins as a man, and the path to being a hero, than what the ring does. And if you have (or ever do) read the Geoff Johns green lantern run you will see - that is more Hal Jordan and more true to his character than near any big screen superhero flick. 

10. Its fun. It's really really fun. 

Yes the film is over CGI'd... but honestly... is that even a complaint nowadays? I mean INFINITY WAR anyone? It's just the way of the multibillion dollar films now... and I think that helps when rematching this film, it simply doesn't seem as jarring visually because you have seen so many variations of the full green screen, CGI main characters doing stuff. 

Part of the reason I do this segment... is people hate things without watching them. They hate music without listening to it. That is a dangerous place to be - no critic - not even ME! (takes a moment to soak in the acclaim) should ever deter you from experiencing a film. Even my CRAP! Segment is meant for truly poor films... but maybe that inspires your curiosity - so be it! Do it. I have chatted about this GREEN LANTERN with people and heard them actually say - Ah that movie sucks, heard Ryan Reynolds didn't even want to be in it... 

Then when questioning them... realized - they had never seen the movie, and they were basing that statement on his comments in DEADPOOL.

For shame. This is the golden age of comics on the big (and small) screen, and I think this film is right there middle of the pack. Its not great, the flaws are there (I know I know, more sinestro, and that - learn what you're doing part - really is breakneck speed)... but a decent story, some really good actors and some real GREEN LANTERN ring action make for a great time. 

This will definitely be a film I rematch... many times. 

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Superhero movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars. 

Till next... remember dear Booniacs... fight the film hate! Whether you liked it or did not, for all things sacred remember - WE ALL WOULDNT BE HERE READING THIS REVIEWS - PAYING 10$ FOR POPCORN - WATCHING YOUTUBERS TRASH STUFF - IF WE DIDN'T LOVE MOVIES. 

Boonsweet reminding all... 

He's a lover... 

That will always fight... the good fight... 

-CBB

Hellboy (2019)

THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS...

HELLBOY ... where to begin. Well lets do some history here, right put down the cells, put out the notepads and pencils (do kids even still use pencils in school?) and lets all turn to chapter one, page one... and then there was HELLBOY. A cool foul mouthed, attitude filled child of Hell that chooses to fight for good, with a big stone hand, ever growing horns, and a big handgun.

The stuff of comic Legend! And then Way back in the not-so-long-ago... a Director by the name of THE GUILLERMO DEL TORO created a pretty dang awesome big screen version anchored by the crazy good performance of Ron F yes Perlman as the title character. Then the sequel came out a week ahead of "The Dark Knight" and was all but forgotten about at the box office... and now not that long after we have a spiderman like reboot... with a fraction of the budget, a fraction of a fraction of the heart... and well... here we go...

Your plot... Evil Queen gets resurrected and decides to conquer the world for Monsters and has her sites set on HELLBOY To rule besides her. Or under her. Or behind her. Sex? Not sure. Anyway. Thats it.

Well, this kaka sure as HELL (heh) aint my fault

Ok. This is not a bad movie. I mean its not good but its not horrible. The problem really is as simple as this... well ok it's two things. 1. Catering to Comic fans is awesome, in fact IT SHOULD HAPPEN MORE, however when you simply put things to put them in, without restructured them to fit a film narrative, you are asking for a disconnect to happen. And it does. It doesn't matter how much I felt things like - I bet thats right form a comic... it didn't help the fact that it didn't work on screen together.

I will give you an example... one of the secondary characters communicates with the dead by essentially puking up their insides that then form a floaty gut like representation of the dead person she is chatting with. Now, I bet you that looks great in a comic book, in fact without looking into it at all (so I could be wrong) I bet that is exactly what it looked like in the comic. But when you have a small budget (a preview of my second issue) perhaps crap CGI floating intestines is not the best way to go. You could say have this character puke up a black pile, that pools - in practical - then have the dead character rise up out of this pool in some practical representation of their dead selves... and boom. No expensive CGI needed and you have a waaaaaaaay better looking scene.

Hollywood call me - I'll fix you.

Hopefully that made sense.

Problem #2. The aforementioned budget. I heard this film had a 50 million dollar budget. Ok not every film needs the 300 million of a marvel flick - BUT - if that is what they were getting... someone had to sit down and rewrite this script. Period. The set pieces asked for by the script simply could not be down justice with that budget. Some of the scenes are downright BBC TV level. That is not against the director or the tech wizards that i'm sure worked their asses off here... they simple were trying to kill seventeen birds with one stone.

The HELLBOY this time around is portrayed as kind of a pissed off adolescent, which isn't a bad choice per say... but when you but almost no backstory into this flick - because you figure your audience will somehow be up on all things hell boy - it makes it hard to connect with the dynamic. I mean but main sub characters in this film have a kid you not a 30 second backstory.... it's rare for me to say this but... you needed more story here, and less plot. HELLBOY is a dark, cool, and sometimes emotional, fantasy tale... trying to repackage it as a B action movie... was another poor choice.

I honestly didn't even remember these characters names after the movie ...

Like I said it's fun. It's not horrible. I don't want to tell you do not see this. I think it's a decent time. In fact my Brother said after the movie: "I didn't hate it, but I won't remember anything about it by the end of the month".

And that really does sum in it up. In todays world of spectacle films fighting for your money every weekend... it just does nothing to stand out. And I for one was BUMMED. I love this character. I enjoyed the actor playing him. But everything about this film, as a finished project, feels "Meh".

ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEW: WHELMED. 

Movie scale: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Fantasy/comic scale 2/5 out of 5 stars. 

I think I'll just stick to the original film for my future Hellboy Televised needs.

Till next BOONIACS!

#Hellboy
#Hellboy2019review

-CBB

Shazam (2019)

Electric feels...

NOTE: So 1. Sorry I was gone... I am back. I am sure you all have been lost, in a world without my deep, thoughtful, insightful, entertainment guidance. I have a lot of reviews to get to over the next couple of days. So, raise songs in my name... or continue to stab that voodoo doll in my likeness... do as you will.

To the movie....

And the story goes... 14 year old foster child - a trouble maker with a good heart who just has issues processing the pain of his loneliness - s chosen by an aging wizard to inherit his powers (think superman with a USB charging port). He activates these powers by saying the wizards name - SHAZAM There is however an evil wizard, dude, former child chosen one, that wants the bolt powers all for himself. Along the way Billy Batson will find out perhaps, that family, can mean many different things...

Why water a plant, when you can shock it... ? Leaf it alone... ?

Ok. So full disclosure, if you read my reviews you know I am a huge DC fan... NOW i don't use the term DCEU fan... because though I love the films, they have pooped on the futon a few times. But as far as comics go, I am in that shizzie. And the animated dhows/films, and the old TV shows and new ones... etc, etc.

But, that said, SHAZAM (aka the once upon a time called - CAPTAIN MARVEL), was never high on my list of DC heroes. Although I will say the fight he has with superman in Justice League Unlimited - in fact that whole episode - is amazing. Really captured the idea of a 14 year old superman level character and how that would look against the older, more jaded heroes of the JL. So ya, looking forward to that down the road on the big screen.

However, my blah blah aside. This film made me like shazam. First. This film goes way darker than the trailers suggest. No, not Zack Synder dark - before any bubblegum defenders of the Marvel universe come at me. I think it was intentional to hide the darker aspects of the film in the trailers, because it kinda catches you unprepared. The feels. The real stakes. All of that.

Superman has his takeoff technique.... Billy has his... 

Considering this film is directed by a horror guy, the darker aspects really are rather polished. They balance the over the top joy and fun of a teenage boy being given powers like this looks like. Junk food and beer (that they hate), video games and jokes. I mean would any adult go save the world first with a surprise set of powers? Let alone a young kid? I submit - no.

The film is just a great time. With heart. Zackary Levi (of Chuck fame) is a great fit as the grown man child version of Billy Batson, and though never appearing on screen together (obviously) - I dare say the chemistry (somehow it is felt despite the aforementioned non screen time) and in sync nature of the two actors is a real gem of the film. The foster family he lives with in the film manages to connect with the audience despite some limited screen time. Mark strong as the villain is - unexpectedly - well flushed out as a bad guy.

The whole thing is just bright and explode-y, and giggle friendly. Now this is a major origin story film... so the focus is really on BILLY and his first steps towards adulthood, and, superhero ness. There are great call outs to the DC universe sure, and there is a villain, and a climax and all that - sure, but this is really a "Get to know the character" flick with some great set pieces. And that makes sense, because, SHAZAM's ultimate villain (anti-hero) BLACK ADAM - to be played by the freaking ROCK, is on deck to have his own origin film next year? or 2021?

An interesting idea right, instead of cramming our hero and his best villain into one film we will separate them into two films. Now when you consider there is a 30 minute animated film out there called SHAZAM/SUPERMAN: THE RETURN OF BLACK ADAM... and that film managed to fit both stories into 30 minutes - with 15 minutes of fighting haha... did we really need two films? Probably not, but more screen time for the ROCK justifies his pay check ... and hey, at least its a different approach.

Its not a perfect film alright people... and that at this point seems like a line that pops up in every freaking review everywhere... as if these perfect films exist somewhere haha... there might be a dozen in all of history and certainly no superhero flick (despite the nerds bravehearting it) have been perfect. But its a damn good flick, that comes at you straight from the comics with its heart on its sleeve. Some characters get lost in the shuffle, there is a lack of action (not a bad thing really) it does take a bit to get going. More than enough laughs and feels to look past it.

In closing. We are spoiled punks that get a new 200 million dollar flick every summer month (sometimes twice in a month or three this month, SHAZAM, HELLBOY, and AVENGERS: ENDGAME) but this one is definitely worth your 10-20$. I really hope it doesn't get unceremoniously lost in this crazy summer film lineup.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
superhero scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEW: It will charge your cell, and butter your popcorn. 

Boon sweet out !