Shazam (2019)

Electric feels...

NOTE: So 1. Sorry I was gone... I am back. I am sure you all have been lost, in a world without my deep, thoughtful, insightful, entertainment guidance. I have a lot of reviews to get to over the next couple of days. So, raise songs in my name... or continue to stab that voodoo doll in my likeness... do as you will.

To the movie....

And the story goes... 14 year old foster child - a trouble maker with a good heart who just has issues processing the pain of his loneliness - s chosen by an aging wizard to inherit his powers (think superman with a USB charging port). He activates these powers by saying the wizards name - SHAZAM There is however an evil wizard, dude, former child chosen one, that wants the bolt powers all for himself. Along the way Billy Batson will find out perhaps, that family, can mean many different things...

Why water a plant, when you can shock it... ? Leaf it alone... ?

Ok. So full disclosure, if you read my reviews you know I am a huge DC fan... NOW i don't use the term DCEU fan... because though I love the films, they have pooped on the futon a few times. But as far as comics go, I am in that shizzie. And the animated dhows/films, and the old TV shows and new ones... etc, etc.

But, that said, SHAZAM (aka the once upon a time called - CAPTAIN MARVEL), was never high on my list of DC heroes. Although I will say the fight he has with superman in Justice League Unlimited - in fact that whole episode - is amazing. Really captured the idea of a 14 year old superman level character and how that would look against the older, more jaded heroes of the JL. So ya, looking forward to that down the road on the big screen.

However, my blah blah aside. This film made me like shazam. First. This film goes way darker than the trailers suggest. No, not Zack Synder dark - before any bubblegum defenders of the Marvel universe come at me. I think it was intentional to hide the darker aspects of the film in the trailers, because it kinda catches you unprepared. The feels. The real stakes. All of that.

Superman has his takeoff technique.... Billy has his... 

Considering this film is directed by a horror guy, the darker aspects really are rather polished. They balance the over the top joy and fun of a teenage boy being given powers like this looks like. Junk food and beer (that they hate), video games and jokes. I mean would any adult go save the world first with a surprise set of powers? Let alone a young kid? I submit - no.

The film is just a great time. With heart. Zackary Levi (of Chuck fame) is a great fit as the grown man child version of Billy Batson, and though never appearing on screen together (obviously) - I dare say the chemistry (somehow it is felt despite the aforementioned non screen time) and in sync nature of the two actors is a real gem of the film. The foster family he lives with in the film manages to connect with the audience despite some limited screen time. Mark strong as the villain is - unexpectedly - well flushed out as a bad guy.

The whole thing is just bright and explode-y, and giggle friendly. Now this is a major origin story film... so the focus is really on BILLY and his first steps towards adulthood, and, superhero ness. There are great call outs to the DC universe sure, and there is a villain, and a climax and all that - sure, but this is really a "Get to know the character" flick with some great set pieces. And that makes sense, because, SHAZAM's ultimate villain (anti-hero) BLACK ADAM - to be played by the freaking ROCK, is on deck to have his own origin film next year? or 2021?

An interesting idea right, instead of cramming our hero and his best villain into one film we will separate them into two films. Now when you consider there is a 30 minute animated film out there called SHAZAM/SUPERMAN: THE RETURN OF BLACK ADAM... and that film managed to fit both stories into 30 minutes - with 15 minutes of fighting haha... did we really need two films? Probably not, but more screen time for the ROCK justifies his pay check ... and hey, at least its a different approach.

Its not a perfect film alright people... and that at this point seems like a line that pops up in every freaking review everywhere... as if these perfect films exist somewhere haha... there might be a dozen in all of history and certainly no superhero flick (despite the nerds bravehearting it) have been perfect. But its a damn good flick, that comes at you straight from the comics with its heart on its sleeve. Some characters get lost in the shuffle, there is a lack of action (not a bad thing really) it does take a bit to get going. More than enough laughs and feels to look past it.

In closing. We are spoiled punks that get a new 200 million dollar flick every summer month (sometimes twice in a month or three this month, SHAZAM, HELLBOY, and AVENGERS: ENDGAME) but this one is definitely worth your 10-20$. I really hope it doesn't get unceremoniously lost in this crazy summer film lineup.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
superhero scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEW: It will charge your cell, and butter your popcorn. 

Boon sweet out !

Tombraider (2018)

One solid treasure hunting, cave raiding - ride...

Ok.

Full disclosure. I love me the tombraider games... some of you will get the following statement/story... some of you will shake your head and say but you could spend all that time that u spend on video games doing something productive - like knitting... I understand. And you're right... I can always use a new toque... that said. I remember playing the tombraider games as a young teen, to young adult... and loving them. One scene in particular where at the end of the game... the game slides through the halls of Lara Crofts mansion... towards the shower... and she's in the shower... and I remember thirteen year old me... 13... 14... I don't know some thing teen - thinking - OMG - game boobs?! But then she steps out with her gun pointed at the camera ... gives me crap for being a perv... and blast the camera... and that folks is probably one of the most memorable scenes for my younger gaming days... I seriously stared at that little bedroom TV and fell the fourth wall crumble...

And then TOMBRAIDER came back and it was awesome and R rated... and ya. All was right with the world. AND DEN... they announce a huge big budget movie staring Alicia Vikander (that I just spelt correctly on my first try - officially in the zone) as our heroine Lara Croft... directed by the guy that did a nifty little foreign horror flick called COLD PREY. 

Did it live up to the depths of Croft-ian love... 

Your story: Lara croft, young, relatively pissed at the world... with a dead famous explorer for a dad, must learn to embrace her awesomeness and conquer the crazy big treasure hunting adventure she finds herself caught up in. Along the way she'll shoot people, fight people, and figure out old puzzles...

But... do they go with the earrings... 

Listen if no part of that sentence... sentences... interest you. You're probably not going to enjoy this movie. I actually read a review where they complained that the lighting - yes the lighting - was too dark - during a couple of the major scenes. One a ship on the midnight waters, another taking place far underground... in a cave. So they were complaining about the light... in a cave.

Come on people.

Just come on.

I actually remember sitting in theatre and thinking... you know... considering they have to shoot this in a pretty dark setting it looks great! But you know. Glass half full over here. I was busy saying things in my brain like - wow she kicks the ass good. Oh, that was just like the game... Speaking of. I read another review where a guy legit complained that they put too much in the movie for the people that played the game....

The same people that will say things like - I swear its like the writers of this movie never even played one of the freaking games...  are the same people going wow, that was totally just a quick scene that was only for people that played the game... You damn fence riders.

Well not you. You are Booniacs... Fans of Reel reviews for Real People... you are the besets humans. Possibly ever.

I digress.

I think this film kind of nicely summarizes how spoiled movie goers are these days, and net nerds. Yes you know who you are. The people that complain about, this, and that, and preach about the old school, and blah blah. This here is a well acted, well written, pure fun big budget action flick... featuring two stellar action set pieces... and if you are a fan of the game, well this is actually almost bang on with huge parts of the first two (rebooted) entries into the franchise.

Guess i'll... "Dust off" those killing skills....

Alicia Vikander places the role with a real venerable viciousness that is essential... I mean hero or not, Lara Croft is one crazy dangerous woman. #GirlPower. The Angelina Jolie films were camp... and my sweet mary do they not hold up (I tried to rematch the first film before I saw this one in theatre... and I couldn't make it through...). The villain I thought was a rather refreshing entry into the evil-guy-forcing-a-bunch-of-locals-to-dig-crap-up role. Mostly because he is not a "Believer" he just wants to get paid and go the hell home.

Overall one of my fav action films of the last couple of years. And something that with the system turned up at home, and in living room 4K, really makes for a great bit of couching and snacking with the peeps.

Do not fear the remakes, and the video game movies... I understand... for every half decent one (Prince of Persia) we get a horrible one (Mortal Kombat 2) but a big budget entry that lives up to the game is a rarity and gives my gaming side hope for the future... maybe an UNCHARTED film? Maybe a GOD OF WAR film? Please...

Let to the times sides of my entertainment loving soul be one! lol

Like I said, I'm not sure where the negativity came from with this film or the overwhelming sense of "MEH". The only way you get the things you want is to support them. Not every film is going to be oscar worthy... not every film is going to have taratino words... etc... some film should just be celebrated for being big, and loud, and fun... and not just being... you know... big and loud. And to everyone chirping the need for stronger female leads... and more female action stars... well... People seem to have some real problems showing the love to a film that seems to over up both.

I know the film made a decent amount over seas... I for one am really hoping we see another chapter now that the "Back story" has been flushed out, and the future baddies are set. Whoop whoop... whats that... a tomb... that needs raiding... where do I buy my ticket....

movie scale: 3 out of 5 stars
Action scale: 3.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEW: RAIDED, AND LIKED IT. 

A NOTE FROM CHARLES B. BOONSWEET
I love you guys for the support. Thank you all you Booniacs for your continued support... I apologize for the time off... going to try to get back in this shizzie all proper like. Been making music... check out ASTROLOGER on your streaming service if you interested in what I been making with some rock folks... and currently in the stages of setting up a video podcast with another grand reviewer... in fact a former Bucklesworth on this very site...

WHOOP WHOOP. Boonsweet is out this peace y'all.

#tombraider2018
#tombraidermovie
#LaraCroft

Paradox (2017)

Some serious foot to face chaos... with more than a little heart...

So really it was only a matter of time till action directors around the world but their own spin on the TAKEN films. Really, I think pretty much everyone has seen it or at the least knows of it - Liam Neeson's daughter is kidnapped and he brings the pain to the evil doers while tracking her down. Great set up. So why not inject it with some Thailand/HongKong type violence and see what happens.

What we have here folks is a Grade A bonified action good time. I don't want to use masterpiece, because well there are definitely a few missed notes... But... over all...

Here we go. You're story. Thai bad guys kidnap a hong Kong cops daughter. He comes to town teams up with a local cop and together they start tearing through action set pieces to find out what happened. It seems she has been kidnapped by organ dealers... and time is running out.

I promise you if you read that and think you know where this story goes - you are dead wrong. As was I. This film takes itself way more seriously than I expected, and this plot folks - man it goes full dark. The violence is up to any standard you wish to hold it too... I would say at least to John Wick levels from North American reference.

Tony Jaa (of ONG-BAK) is all over this poster... and gets top billing, but really he is not in any way shape or form the focus. When I realized this I felt a little sad, but thankfully the other two leads are equal to the ass kicking requirements. The fights are a blast... a little unfortunate wire work... but for the most part its all face paced and well shot. The main set piece near the end is just a blast. The main villain is more or less the typical over the top "Foreigner" and that's fine he can hold his own in a fight and that's what matters.

It's just - damn this movie goes dark. And I think I really appreciated it. There is some actual real heart felt rage here. This father, you are gunna feel for him in ways mister Neeson just didn't really worry about during taken.

I would say over all PARADOX (which by the way, I can not understand that title - maybe because Tony Jaa had a vision at one point?) is a top tier action surprise. A few minor and i do mean minor moments might deny it masterpiece status - but it is dang close. If you like your action bloody and in bulk this is for you. Just, expect to feel a little stir in your cold heart... it'll happen I tell ya!

ONE LINE REVIEW: A swift roundhouse to the feels. 

Finding awesome films like this is part of the reason I love cinema... and the thai action seen - Ong-bak, Chocolate, this girl is badass, bangkok Knockout, etc, is bumping folks. They don't show any sign of slowing down!

Movie review: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action movie scale: 4 out of 5 stars

#Paradoxthemovie
#Paradox2017
#TonyJaa
#KungFU

Till next Booniacs!!!

-Boonsweet out!

Bright (2017)

LORD OF THE RINGS MEETS END OF WATCH... YES. AND YES.

So I think its time as a society we just accept that Will Smith... as an actor (say what you will about his singing - Summertime is still my jam) is one of the ultimate root for good guys. Somehow from almost day one he has been able to get an audience to buy him as the down on his luck forced heroic type... and he has played the character many times... but I for one love it every time. Much like I love Arnold blowing up the terrorist group de jour. Or Willis double fisting hand guns... some peeps just got a groove... and Will... he's the lovable-damn why me- hero type.

Your plot... Modern day Los Angeles in a world where Orcs, Elves, and various other creatures are part of society. Think of it as what if after lord of the rings ended society just kept evolving. Cars, and cell phones, and TVs and orcs and magic right along with them. Well here we are Will Smith - WARD, paired with the first ever Orc cop - Nick... They are gunna have to survive a lot of prejudice, some Orc gangsters and Elves... hell bent on resurrecting a Dark Lord with a magic wand... a rare and powerful thing.

Why, do you keep putting up this wall of mistrust Will... why... 

Director David Ayer has had quite the directing (and writing) career so far. Much of it in the gritty "Real world" of crime and police. For me Street Kings will forever rank as one of the greatest of the genre (criminally underrated) and End of watch - though getting a ton of praise as one of the biggest disappointments (sorry that ending still crap)... and while suicide squad split the public... I would put it somewhere between the two for me... That said... the man is an undeniable talent. Having finished this rather large budgeted Netflix offering, I have to note no one other than David could have pulled this off.

The reviews have been mixed at best, and I'm really not too sure why. 1. Good to great acting... 2. Solid effects and directing... 3. One hell of a bat shit crazy plot... mixed up in a cauldron and boom, a little bit of magic. Maybe its that such a grand scale piece of entertainment was offered up on a streaming service... and that is just unsettling to some people. But hey if you don't like your grand fantasy on the small screen - guess you won't be tuning in for the LOTR series coming to a streaming service near you in the next couple of years... its a thing... look it up...

Also when did action films start having to be oscar worthy? haha I mean I have actually read reviews about Bright being overly silly... It's a movie about an Orc cop and Human cop chasing elves with a magic wand... check ya reality dip stick at the ride people. The fact that the material is handled so violently and seriously is nearly unimaginable. I found myself smiling and enjoying every glorious bit of straight faced insanity. Reviews listing this as Garbage, colossal waste... I mean what? An R rated fantasy cop film... which as near as I can tell... is an absolute first... I mean read the tagline to start this review... you ever seen that? I haven't writing it I had a grin... Sometimes I just feel people have forgotten they used to enjoy movies.

And unlike End Of Watch ... and Suicide Squad (to some extent) Ayer really keeps the ball rolling here... with a pretty fun and satisfying ending. To anyone stating that the "Surprise" at the end was seen coming a mile away... Yes... of course it was... in fact I don't think it was ever meant as a surprise... its stated in the first 15 minutes of the movie... so really if you are upset you saw the reveal coming... sounds like a "You" problem.

Explosions. Elves. Orcs. Gun battles. At least two solid throwdowns, and wand destruction... all wrapped up in a gritty cop drama haha if that doesn't intrigue you... you probably are not reading this review... or any of my reviews for that matter. And hey, its on netflix... you all have it already (unless you're saving your quarters for that incoming Disney one... cue evil music)...

ONE LINE REVIEW: Keep your wand loaded, this one has some magic in it!

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Fantasy/action scale 4 out of 5 stars

Apparently Netflix has already picked this one up for a sequel... I for one am dialled in... Next time I demand a wizard! Stallone the white! Oh wait... Van Damme the white! Yes!

Overall a great piece of fantasy fun for the older members of the Fam...

#Bright #Netlfix #BrightReview

Till next Booniacs....

-Chuck Boonsweet

Star Wars: The last Jedi (2017)

MORE LASER SWORDS AND NOT MUCH ELSE....

Ok I just saw this film. And I am going to say something here... Disney is taking over the entertainment world... they Just bought 20th Century fox for 50 plus billion... and are apparently buying (or have bought) Hulu... and sitting here watching THE LAST JEDI ... all I could think was - critics must be terrified. I mean if you make your career breaking movie news, getting the inside scoop from star interviews - I mean how can you possibly take a washroom break on anything with a Disney logo? Because what if they decide to hate you? Cut you off? I mean no movie news... no TV news... and away you go.

And why was I thinking this while watching THE LAST JEDI ... because half way into this film i realized it wasn't great, maybe good, maybe ok... but not great by a regular film standard, and certainly not by a star wars expectation. Yet, every review I read pre release has been on average a 9 out of 10. Witness at the time of this interview - 93% on rotten tomatoes ...

Ok before I got to the freaking dark side here... Mild spoilers... mostly confusion to follow.

Your plot. While the empire/First order (the entire fleet?) try to destroy the rebel fleet (that is moving slow but somehow faster than them - and somehow just out of range...) for the entire movie... Rey tries to learn the ways of being a Jedi from Luke (cue dramatic music) Will the slowly moving rebel fleet ever escape... will Rey manage to become jedi - ish...

Well I'll tell you what will happen they will stretch that plot for 2 and a half freaking hours! Ok. Ok. Look I want to point out a few positives here - ONE - I freaking love me some Rian Johnson aka the man that wrote and directed. BRICK is hands down one of my fav films ever, and LOOPER is a decent bit of cool sci fi ... so when I heard he was involved in episode 8 ... heck yes! Sign me up. So you know, I signed up - with my hopes... and dreams... and well, I mean the man has a great eye for his camera. Still got it on that front.

Rey is in my mind a great heroic lead... and her struggle to harness her powers and maintain her path in the light, is the stuff of jedi gold. Do I understand at the end of this movie how she basically mastered light sabre ness without any training? Nope, no explanation, in fact she seems to have gotten better. Oh well episode 9 maybe will clear it up... You see Rey because you are so powerful it doesn't matter that you came from nothing and nowhere without any training, you just know everything - look try some back flips - ya you got this. 

And I like Finn... great actor and cool secondary lead. A nice everyman trying to better himself from predetermined origins to prove he's more. I dig it and his relationship to/with Rey. He is a strong lead and its honestly a shame he doesn't have much to work with here. I would've even enjoyed his side plot ... BUT ...

But look... you can go plaster me with hate if you so desire - I won't judge - in all honesty this film will probably still make a billion... but I watched an entire theatre walk out of this film in silence... a packed house.... a pre opening night screening... people in storm trooper outfits... a guy in star wars shirt being partially held together by duck tape people... duck tape. And they all walked out of this show in silence. That can't be a good thing right?

I'm not joking the entire film is the empire... sorry.... first order... following a ship they can't catch.... for some reason... can't shoot ... for some reason... don't lose sight of... for some reason... and can't send smaller ships out to destroy for some reason. All the while people manage to come and go without the empire noticing... imagine if you will you are watching an action movie... with a car chase... and the cop looks to the camera and goes well we can't catch up, and my bullets won't reach... so we'll just keep following and eventually - this guy will run outta road... and now, imagine thats a two hour plot... and thats basically it. You spent two hours following a slow car chase but you can't give me one fight... one that last longer than a couple minutes?

A great example of the writing issues with this film - That giant door is absolutely the only way in or out of this bunker... Cut to less that a minute later doors open on another level and jet fighters shoot out... whaaaaaaaaa in the sweet #@#$. Or Wait didn't you just betray everyone, and take over a ship? Why is everyone like - oh you, you're the best. 

Ah I wanna drop spoilers... but like the dark side of that turkey leg... i shall resist.
I want someone to explain to me all the ways this movie didn't suck... but I mean is continuing to scavenge the bones of the original trilogy really the way to go? This is a movie that could've been a 30 minute episode of an animated show. Wanna contradict me? Try haha... I think the best evidence that Disney feared it might have a rather weak entry in the franchise... they brought JJ Abrams back to write and direct the next one... already announced (after he specifically said he was done) you know what that tells me early test groups were not good... and Disney got worried. And yet, I have read review after review... glossing over the pacing issues, the side plot issues... ONE HORRIBLE decision with a main Baddie... let me guess... you thought it would be shocking?!

Stupid, and pointless... does not a shocking twist make.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I just don't feel excited, or pumped, nothing I just feel blah... something a star wars film has really never left me. There was always an excitement for the next, or pure joy at what you just witnessed. Hell, the Phantom Menace was not great, but it was the first Star Wars film in decades... so that carried me through. But this - maybe my expectations were too high. Review contamination haha... but aren't I allowed to have sky high expectations for a Star Wars film with a small countries net worth invested in it?

This is my first reaction... maybe I will come around when I sit down to watch it at home months from now... maybe everyone on planet earth will love it and I'll feel like a big ol' Dummy. But you know what... I got nothing to Gain from Disney signing off on my compliance haha... so screw it! This is weak sauce with a capital thick.

Movie score - 2.5 out of 5 stars
Star Wars movie score - 2.5 out of 5 stars

ONE LINE REVIEW: The force is extra medium with this one. 

Suggested drinking game rules : 1 shot every time a character's eyes well up (bonus shot if that character is staring into another characters watery eyes). 2 shots for every tear that escapes the aforementioned watery eyes. 

That's it... i'm tucking my lightsaber back in the PJs, and curling up to John Williams soundtrack love... To all a merry Christmas... and stuff... and OH YEAH I"M FREAKING BACK. Mostly. Life A.D.D. here people, its a thing.

I hope I'm wrong on this one ... i really do hope I somehow just didn't get it, or missed something. A last thought everyone keeps talking about the shocking twists ? The commercials all over TV are screaming - don't let anyone spoil this. I watched the movie. I feel unspoiled.

To all my Booniacs... remember to polish your BB-8 once to twice a day - BOONSWEEEEEEEET out.

#StarWars #TheLastJedi #review

-CBB

The Accountant (2016)

HE'S MAKING A LIST, HE'S CHECKING IT TWICE... WAIT... NO THATS... DAMN.

Well. I wanna be honest. I did not have high expectations for this film... in fact if you watched the trailers you probably though - as I did - well Ben Affleck here is just pulling a Matt Damon and getting his Bourne on. But, low and behold, we have ourselves a genuine unexpected action treasure here.

Ok. Your plot dear Booniacs... A boy grows up with a high functioning autism and through the efforts of his determined military Father, developed the skills that eventually lead him to a career as a very high end accountant to the criminal element. Also, a pretty formidable opponent should you choose to cross him. Anyway, enter a new client, and then they make the mistake of trying to kill him, and a cute female employee (the always somehow alluring Anna Kendrick) and he of course decided to prevent that.

Seriously... unimpressed with - them apples. 

Yes. I know what you are thinking, Ok Chuck, Charles, Mr. Boonsweet, yes the autism angle might be a little newish, but the rest... Nah thats by the book stuff. And you know what you right, you right internet world. However, really, are their any ideas left? I submit no. And if you find one, you are probably sitting in a theatre in france, trying to mentally process the 4 hour art project examining love in the 5th dimension of time...

Really, its about how well you do a known story these days. Its taking your expectations and still managing to make you laugh, or cheer, or invest. And this Accountant delivers.

So first, to anyone that wants to poop on this film for how they handle autism, and blah blah... because I'm sure there will be some... shame on you. This is a film that really highlights some of the struggles, but more so (whether hollywooded or not) what they are still capable of despite in some cases severe behavioural issues.

How to properly select your "Start the day" emoji. 

Thats out o the way, lets just talk how fun this movie is. The acting is top notch... if you are as of yet still not a Affleck fan, well, this probably won't change your mind... but he nails it here... the cardboard awkwardness... the cold calculating killer when he needs to be... the absence of processable emotion... the action is a blast. This is kinda like the thinking man's JOHN WICK if you will. More plot, a little more heart, and slightly less bullets to the head... though that last one is debatable.

The director, who admittedly I only really know from Warrior (A very good film) does a great job of calmly capturing the action with a certain lack of emotion I am sure was meant to capture the essence of the main character, as well as the muted colours (ya I'm going scenery deep in this people), really bring the presentation and the protagonist together.

Overall this will rank as one of my very pleasant 2016 surprises.

And the way the year is going, no doubt one of the best action films as well...

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Action scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

Till next Booniacs.

#Theaccountant
#BenAffleck
#hastagsarestillcool
#Boonsweetout.

After School Massacre (2014)

don't cut class....

So you like you independent horror films? You are a champion of the B movie, the C movie, and hell after 21 and a half drinks the D movie as well? This may be one of those rare modern cheapies that is worth your time... AFTER SCHOOL MASSACRE !

Your story goes... There was a teacher... an attractive teacher than some of the more whore type students wanted to hook up with in ... High School? haha I think (hello this film suffers from adults paying kids). SO he gets fired over a student trying to Facebook friend request him? I guess. Ok. Then decides they all deserve to die. And theres your plot (why does a chick OD at the beginning? No idea)

Ok well, I will admit I thought this was just another run of the mill cranked out on a college project type budget... It starts off with a bunch of sexy (but clothed college girls because in this new era of independent horror apparently nudity is impossible !) chicks apparently having a make up type slumber party... but then a strange moment of decent acting in writing caught my eye...

And then the coolest opening credits sequence I have seen in a long time... and so on point with the story that I actually adjusted myself on the couch and thought... Well Ol' Boony... you might have something here....

AFTER SCHOOL MASSACRE has its cheap tongue buried in its cheaper cheek... And I was having fun... the acting is cheese... the writing is cheese... but if its the right cheese thats ok right? (I direct your attention to most of the well loved 80s haha) So I try to review any of these films with the same open mind I approach the B movie splatter fests of decades past...

Much like those films every once and a while the acting seems to catch up with a great moment in an otherwise by the numbers script... and I smiled. Really, I'm watching an off the mainstream bit of indie cheese... if I'm smiling thats enough.

Holy side boob! Remember what I mentioned about no nudity happening in all these DTV flicks... ya... prepare yourself for one of the most aggravating nude/butnonude scenes ever. Be still my long ago teen heart. Hey ever wanted to see a chick get killed with a mailbox? Then this is for you.

1) Chick Slumber party
2) Pajama dance party
3) Two guys that sneak and watch them through an open window
3.5) one of the guys is wearing a fedora...

Check, check, check-check.

Its all here folks. Listen if you don't believe that women ... young women... when partying alone... immediately (after two shots) strip (to only underwear) and dance and grope each other... then you sir... are a man... who has forgotten the hope, and dreams, and trust... of your younger teenage self.

Don't let that poster fool you there really isn't that much gore here...  a lot of blood cough ups, and spit ups.... but thats about it. Is this a good movie - NO. Haha but really if you saw that poster and were tempted, should you care about that - NO. Because you have accepted the level of crap this film is ... and know you will still enjoy it. SO then this is for you. Yes if it took place in the 80s... there would be non stop nudity, and practical gore... and it was be a slasher classic.... but they tried their best and for that, I for one, appreciate them...

Movie scale 2 out of 5 stars
Horror/slasher scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Also... really why have a ghost type chick haunting anyone and not make her the killer? For example... all of the girls (minus a survival girl) slept with her man which is why she killed herself... and now she possessed the body of the teacher they want and she seduces and destroys them all? Ya that woulda made a lil more sense... but hey what do I know...

Oh ya. - EVERYTHING !

K. Booniacs... till next... keep your stick on the gridiron...

(football - seven weeks!)
#AfterSchoolMassacre

-CBB